Meet the Staff

Who are we? Meet us below.

Meatwad is a 32 year old obsessive engineer whose ambitions have been reduced to layoff prevention and learning a new Vi trick every week.
His thinning hair style is considered lame at best, but he keeps it high and tight to draw the focus from his ever expanding Buddha belly and the uncharacteristically large amount of "junk" he has in his Docker clad trunk.

He has white trash roots and reminisces fondly of his Camaro mullet days back in Plainsville, USA.
If hyperbole offered dividends, then Meatwad would be a millionaire. His disdain for the general public is matched only by his loathing of all those unfortunate folks who fill our news begging for help from their various, self-imposed circumstances.
He lacks sympathy, empathy, and some even say a soul with regards to everyone and everything except his family. He would rather be a rock star than an athlete but deep down is really content to be just a family man. An enigmatic hieroglyphic, he's an ignorant genius.

Major Undeclared

Elitist to the core. He craves attention from anyone who is willing to give it (due to parental neglect).

His opinions are 79% fact, 20% clever remarks, and 3% absolute tripe.

As a child living in a prepubescent man's body, he likes super heroes and feels, deep inside, that he might one day become one.


Sports junkie extraordinaire, Matt wishes he had a 6'5" frame carrying 215 pounds of pure muscle. Alas, his frame is more suited for an office chair in front of a computer. This doesn't dissuade him from losing money in fantasy sports every year.

Self-regarded as a "Call of Duty 4" prodigy, he is a level 55 (who isn't??) General, and is routinely killed by 13 year olds.

He fancies himself an author, rock star, actor, smart-ass, and world-class water-skier. Oddly enough, none of this is true, and his therapist is slowly breaking this news to him.

Just Jim

On the evening of September 12, 1991, Jim went to sleep weighing in at 165 pounds at a height of 5'7". His blushing bride at his side, his application to a prestigious university submitted, and George H.W. Bush sporting an 85% approval rating, his life was going exactly as he wanted it to.
He woke up five years later, now weighing over 300 pounds, an associates degree from ITT, 3 kids and Bill Clinton had just won his second term in the White House. Oh, and he was almost completely bald and required glasses to see.
He spent the next several years blaming this unforeseen turn of events on an alien abduction. About the time Bush Jr. was elected President, Jim had realized that instead of aliens, it was just life and he decided although different than what he had dreamt about as a child, it was still pretty darn good. So good in fact that he had a couple more kids. He figures that being twice the size he once was is OK because with that came thrice the knowledge and ten times the wisdom. Jim enjoys reading, movies and writing.
He fancies himself a history buff but normally gets his facts wrong. Most of his work associates know him as James, girls he grew up with called him Jimmy, but you can call him Just Jim.

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