Ka Cirque du Soleil Show at the MGM Grand Review

This never happened when I was there...false advertising

For a guy who doesn't drink, has terrible luck at gambling, and is too fat and ugly to visit the night clubs, you'd think I'd steer clear of Vegas.  Not so, as I took my wife there for our15th wedding anniversary recently.  What would I do to occupy my time while there you may ask?  Well, let me count the ways.....

Inhale my yearly quota of second-hand smoke -- While only 20% of the people in the US smoke, Vegas feels the need to pamper this 1/5th of the population.  As if my guts aren't turning enough as I'm getting my ass handed to me at blackjack...and then a guy sitting next to me fires up a cigar that smells like he found it floating in a toilet.  Just because I own a dog that smells like ass, doesn't mean I want to smell burning ass at the casino while on vacation.  I hope you die a long painful death cigar-man (that was mean....but necessary).

Collecting handouts along the strip -- Why do our friendly non-english speaking friends have to click their paper porn right in my face?  Obviously I'm a "target" out there due to my freakishly large belly and unsightly appearance.  They obviously know I don't get lucky much.  And if they knew the beautiful lady at my side was my wife of 15 years, they'd confirm their suspicions (to be fair...I wouldn't sleep with me either.  I don't blame my wife).

Washed my hands till they bled -- I'm not certain why one of my super powers is "black-light" eyes, but it's a curse.  Everywhere I look there are germs...especially in Vegas.  Tables, door handles, chips, used condoms on the ground -- you can't touch anything without a 36% risk of contracting something that will make your pee-hole hurt.  If you recently saw a creepy fat guy in Vegas opening door handles with his t-shirt, that was me.  I'm sorry, but I can't control the weird-ness.

Attended shows -- This is the main point of my review (finally!).  We took in a hearty helping of magic acts, comedy shows, and Cirque presentations.

Based on reviews, word-of-mouth, and general curiosity, we traded in my car to afford tickets to the show "Ka" at the MGM Grand.  I got a decent deal on the tickets, so they needed to be booked far in advance (and were non-refundable).  Why does this come into play you may ask?  Well, just a few weeks before our trip, there was a horrible accident where a young lady fell to her death during this show.  Ka was shut down for a few weeks, and just started up right before our visit.  I'll re-visit this shortly.

Let me save you $250 over the next few sentences.  Ka has an enormous set with an amazing pivoting/rotating stage.  It's truly awesome.  It's very cool to watch it rotate and spin during the show.  Unfortunately, this is the coolest part of the whole deal.  The story of Ka has something to do with Kung fu, sea turtles, wearing extensive costumes, and Tarzan is a guest host on the show.  Does this sound confusing?  Good...because so is the show.  I still don't truly know what was going on, but my eye-lids started getting heavy during the show, meaning it didn't hold my attention.  There is not enough acrobatics, and too much "grandeur" to make this show interesting.  Even worse, supposedly the last "fight scene" was cut due to the aforementioned death of the actor.  Below are 3 real scenes from this show.

Shadow Puppets -- 2 actors do shadow puppets onto the large rotating stage for like 15 minutes.  I wasn't sure if we were supposed to laugh...it was ridiculous.

Porno Tarzan -- In one odd scene, there is a barely dressed Russian Tarzan dude swinging around a large set full of snakes, bugs, and heavy industrial pipes.  Supposedly there was some good acrobatics, but I was too busy looking to see if Tarzan's junk was going to fall out of his banana hammock.  On a side note, it would have been very impressive if he would have used his appendage as a hand-hold for his lady companion while swinging through the air together.  Cirque du Peepee.

They totally air-brushed out his 9 inch trouser-snake

Getting Dressed -- Due to the cut scene, the ending of the show was more disjointed than an episode of Under the dome (what a pile of crap).  Instead of a huge fight scene, they put on these big robes and all nodded at each other like they were sitting at a Jedi council.  I almost booed....for real.  The ending was terrible.

This show wasn't horrible....it just wasn't that great.  It might even be a 4-star show with a decent ending.  As it was, it snoozed along to a 3-star rating.  Stay tuned for my next review of the BEST SHOW in Vegas.  Bar none.