8.14.2013

Subway Breakfast Sandwich Review

From the first moment I heard Subway was offering breakfast sandwiches I dismissed the entire notion. No way, no how, never. Gross. But then I found myself right smack dab next to a Subway the other morning and I was feeling hungry so I gave it a try.

I ordered a 6” Bacon, Egg and Cheese on white, toasted. Part of why I dismissed the whole idea is the bread. You can get muffins or flatbread but I don’t know, it just seems unnatural to get something at Subway not on their normal hoagie bread.

My true conflict comes with the idea that there is a plastic vat full of precooked egg disks. There is no knowing where these eggs were actually cooked or when. All I know is they come frozen in large sealed packages, which they take a few out, nuke them for a few seconds and dump into one of their normal vats. The conflict comes because I appreciate the efficiency of this model but if you think about it too long you have to gouge your eyes out because it’s kind of horrifying. They always ask if you want egg white or whole egg and I’m wondering if it’s really a choice between Yellow Die #5 or no Yellow Die #5.

Another problem comes when you go to choose toppings. It’s a breakfast sandwich. Do you go with olives and pickles? No. Onions, Jalapanos and green peppers? Yes. What about Tomatoes? I tried some with and some without and it is kind of weird but I like the tomatoes. Why not mushrooms? That would go good on a breakfast sandwich but they don’t have mushrooms. Here’s the problem with this whole thing. You have to think too much at 7AM in the frick’n morning! You’re not awake yet so why would you pay for the opportunity to have to make 30 quick decisions. Especially the first time when you have no reference to base your decisions on. It’s ridiculous.

And we haven’t even made it to the condiments yet. Subway does not have a single sauce or goo you would want on a breakfast sandwich. Not one. And that’s fine - just don’t get one. McMuffins don’t have sauce and neither do most breakfast sandwiches. If Subway really wants to impress me they’ll get one of those plastic tube thingys full of Hot Country Gravy. Oh ya! I’d ask for extra of that all over the sandwich. MMMMMMMM. Salt? Pepper? Oregano? I guess. Why not.

So in the interest of full disclosure I’ve had this sandwich 4 times now so I’m going to share the perfect combo according to Just Jim. 6” white bread, Egg w/ Yellow Die #5, grated cheddar cheese, bacon. Have them put the toppings on before they toast it. This allows them to cook a little bit and gives it an omelet sandwich kind of taste. Extra Onions and Extra Jalapenos…..

I have to break here and complain about Subway’s service because every time I get to the point that I’m telling her extra Onions and extra Jalapenos she gives me the most disgusted “There is no way I’m kissing your fat stinky mouth” look. I wonder if it’s ever occurred to this flawless-porcelain-skinned 20-something year old that maybe I don’t want to kiss her perfect, full, pouty lips. Who does she think she is with long flowing hair the color of summer wheat waving back in forth in the warm summer breeze of a Kansas afternoon. Kiss her? No way, so just put the extra onions and jalapenos on and stop looking at me that way…..

Where the hell was I? Jeez. Oh. The perfect sandwich. Onions, Jalapenos, a few green peppers but not too much and tomatoes. I’ve tried it with oregano but don’t like it. Have them toast this puppy up, wrap it and get the heck out. It’s delicious with a nice bite. It’s filling but not overly filling. The bread works even though you might think it wouldn’t.

Having said all that I can only give them 3 stars. The egg format is too disturbing, the topping choices too daunting and devoid of mushrooms, there’s no real choice for sauce and no gravy, and the average price for a breakfast sandwich everywhere else is around $3 but the Subway breakfast sandwich is $4. And Miss “you can’t touch my perfectly shaped body” (as if I would want to - yuck) is just too rude for my liking. Hell. Now that I’ve summed it all up like that I’m only giving them 1 star. They can suck it!

4 comments:

mcole said...

I love the subway sunrise melt. Have you tried that? On flatbread because I agree on the whole weirdness of the bread and trust me: their Chipotle Sauce goes really well with that sandwich. I personally like to add tomatoes, cucumbers, onions, olives and "banana peppers" on there but that could be because in Europe our Sunday breakfasts often include cucumber and tomato slices, cottage cheese, all kinds of deli cut meats etc - but give that one a try and let us know what you think!your review may improve...

JustJim said...

OK mcole - I've had my fair share of cucumber and cheese sandwiches in England, but you lost me at cottage cheese. Gross. But since you're obviously a huge fan of me, I will try this sandwich next time I'm at subway. Thanks for reading.

fred diaz said...

I know I'm a year late. But this was too funny! Also, I'm headed to subway now. : )

JustJim said...

I just re-read this post and you are absolutely correct. I'm freak'n hilarious. Man I miss me. I wish we were still writing reviews. It really was a service to the world.

Anyway, thanks for reading and I hope you're not too repulsed by the drop dead sexy girl behind the counter - yuck.

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