Let me start off by saying that I’m a huge snacker. Love to have a handful of salty snacks in my hands while doing pretty much anything: watching TV, reading a book, driving, showering, whatever. Potato chips are probably my favorite but a close second is the cracker. As with chips, the cracker has had a major identity crisis of late. Always trying to gain just a little more market share they keep coming out with more and more flavors trying to find one that hits. What kills me is that they hardly ever beat out their own original flavor. At least in my opinion. Case in point is Wheat Thins and Cheez-Its.
I could eat box after box after box of both Wheat Thins and Cheez-Its in their original flavor, original size, original everything. They are fantastic. If I had to pick one over the other I would prefer Wheat Thins every time. Which leads to this review of these brands’ attempt to “spice things up”.
Wheat Thins has two new flavors contending to be the next addition to my waistline. Spicy Buffalo and Zesty Salsa. They have the prerequisite packaging for such things. Spicy Buffalo has a dark blood red theme with a bottle of hot sauce on its side dripping out what is no doubt molten hot deliciousness. The Zesty Salsa has the Green motif with the Jalapeno pepper featured prominently on its front. From the packaging, both look like they will be hits.
I bought these up, brought them home, cracked open the Spicy Buffalo, took a few into my gaping maw of a mouth, bit down and prepared for the tears that the package promises. Greatest disappointment since hearing my own voice played back to me on a tape deck. There is nothing at all to this crackers. I mean ok, there’s something there, but nothing you could equate to the flavor of Buffalo sauce. These are the worst things to happen to Wheat Thins since the other flavor I had just purchased … Zesty Salsa.
Zesty Salsa flavored Wheat Thins are just gross. They look gross. They have this green fuzzy texture on them that appears to be mold. I’m not joking. It’s so gross. Then the flavor, yikes. I looked around for a stray hunk of poop I could put into my mouth just to get rid of this flavor. What on Earth were they thinking here. So the Spicy Buffalo is not spicy but at least it’s harmless. The Zesty Salsa is just downright disturbing.
Sorry Wheat Thins, you score 0 stars for this feeble attempt. Sandy Duncan must be rolling in her grave (well she would be if she were dead I guarantee it)!!
About a week later I found that Cheez-It brand crackers were also throwing their hat into the Spicy ring with their new cheese cracker they call Zingz. The two introductory flavors of Zingz is Chipotle Cheddar and Queso Fundido. The packaging for both is again what you would expect. Blood red theme with red peppers on them. I was going to complain about the name Zingz but then I realized the spell the word cheese C-H-E-E-Z, so what did I expect. With that in mind I actually like the name Zingz.
I tried the Chipotle Cheddar first. One thing, they have a different texture than regular Cheez-Its. They are a bit thicker and way more crunchy and I like it. I like it a lot. And the flavor, well let’s just get it over with. It’s amazing. Both flavors. I thought with the Chipotle Cheddar I had found perfection and almost didn’t dare ruin it by trying the Queso Fundido but then that flavor turned out to be even better. Let’s just say my 10 year old daughter loves spicy snacks just like me. But she isn’t getting any of these. She can have those crappy spicy Wheat Thins for all I care. These are all mine. In less than 12 hours I have consumed half of both boxes. I’m such a pig.
There is just one thing. The box claims "The Snacking Crunch With A Punch". It's not really a punch. It's not that spicy. I would say it's more like a purple-nurple than anything but who doesn't like getting their nipples twisted? Therefore, Cheez-It Zings you are a certified ReviewSpew All-Star!! And I hope you have long success and come out with even more flavors of this magnitude.