2.11.2013

HOMAK High-Security Steel Wall Safe Review



I live in a tiny house in a shady part of town.  It isn't gang-banger shady, but the neighborhood is old and pretty rundown.  You don't have to look hard to find old cars on blocks, Christmas lights up in April, or houses with who knows how many families and a minimum of 6 cars living under the same roof.  (Side note: What is with all the cars anyhow?  None in the garage, 2 in the driveway, and 4 on the street?  Every house on my block is this way.  I assume this has got to be another Obama handout.  Where else would people that can't afford a lawnmower get 2 cars per family member.  I could be wrong, but I am pretty sure I am paying "my fair share" of their car payments, at least indirectly.  Sorry, I digress.)  Undoubtedly, security is high on my list of home priorities.  To protect what I have, without resorting to bars on the windows or broken bottles on the fence line, I follow a few important rules.

First, everyone is a crook.  Lock your doors and shut the garage the instant you go inside.  That old lady next door may be delivering cookies, but she is also casing the joint.  Get the cookies and send her on her way.

Second, add chains to the doors.  It doesn't offer any real stopping power, but it offers noise, which in the dead of night could give you a 30 sec. head start to the gun safe or baseball bat.

Third, understand the power of disguise.  My house looks cheap and rundown.  I do this on purpose, it isn't just because I am lazy.  Anyone coming inside will expect to find little more than a VCR and a good supply of government cheese.  So keep it that way.  Hide the BluRay player inside the VCR.  They will walk right past it and never know they missed out on $57 worth of technology.

Fourth, put up hunting trophies.  I don't care if you are the founding member of PETA and a full-on hemp-wearing vegan.  Your neighbors need to think you are a cold blooded killer that would gut Bambi on your front porch.  Have a few heads mounted around the place.  Where there is a head, there is a gun.

Finally, If they can't find it, they can't steal it.  Hide your crap everywhere.  My home is basically the equivalent of a filibuster for thieves.  By the time they wade through all my junk, they will never get to anything of real value..and this is where my review comes in. 

If you compound my sketchy neighborhood with the fact that I outgrew my house over five years ago and it is now literally bursting at the seams, you will see where I am coming from.  I routinely search for any tiny corner of my home that is unused to store new stuff and after years of thinking, reorganizing,  and assuming I had left no stone unturned, it finally dawned on me.  I have now resorted to hiding stuff inside my home's walls.  The Homak WallSafe is perfect for guys like me.  Need a  handgun in the bedroom, but still keep it safe and hidden from the kiddos?  Hide it in the wall.  Need a place for all those leftover narcotics from your tummy tuck?  Hide it in the wall.  Need a place to hide that flash drive full of "anniversary" pics?  Hide it in the wall.  Homak read my mind and just made it a lot easier.   

I installed the safe in about 30 min.  A drywall knife and 6 screws is really all you need as it fits perfectly in-between 16" spaced studs.  The screws install from the inside and it is flush mount, so it could go behind a mirror, picture, or in the closet behind your clothes.  It is a lockable safe but please don't think this is even going to slow down someone with a crow-bar and some cruel intentions.  If they find it and have 10 min., they are getting in, but the point is, they likely won't find it.  That is exactly what I was after, and for $40 on Amazon, it didn't break the bank either. 

After installing this one, I am finding myself excited by the prospect of putting these all over the house to use up all that newly found free space between the walls.  Keeping the keys straight and not losing them could become an issue, but maybe I'll have a special safe just for safe keys.  A kind of safe inception, if you will.  They do make a much larger safe for full size guns and have different ones for the floor, but I haven't gone that far yet.  First I'll fill up the walls, then the floors.  I'm taking baby steps but am well on my way to becoming a true doom's day prepper/clever hoarder.  If things go well, I'm hoping for a new TLC reality series "Doomsday Hoarders".  I'm a perfect candidate.






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