Fine Ass Chocolate Donkey Balls Review

All vacationers know that Hawaii offers several staples.  When visiting, you should expect to do some hip rockin', pig shovelin', and plenty of fruit eatin'.  Ok, so there are about 1000 other things that are fantastic about Hawaii, but for this review I thought I would focus on the unique agriculture.  I certainly didn't get this 56" waistline by hiking, swimming, or doing anything athletic.  A vacation to me includes thousand calorie drinks,  basking on the beach like an albino monk seal, and stressing the physical limits implied by all-you-can eat.  Though your fruit consumption will mostly be coconut and pineapple as a compliment to Captain Morgan, I highly recommend the local produce stands for some goods that won't see a blender.  Everything seems a little juicier and a little sweeter on the islands.  Even I can't resist the fruit in Hawaii and no heavy cream was required.

Another treat that contributed to my "gain 2lbs-per-day" vacation regimen was the macadamia nuts.   I had these in milk shakes and pancakes, salted and plain. I tried them every way that was offered, and in Hawaii, they offer plenty.  Though when I got to the chocolate covered ones, I really became a connoisseur.  I tried many different kinds in many different locations, sampling anything I could shove into my gullet.  I finally came across the coup de grace on Oahu, Fine Ass brand Donkey Balls.  My brother had mentioned Donkey Balls to me several times before, but until I saw the shop on the east coast of Oahu, I thought it nothing more than an ironic nickname.  I've also been called slim, hairy, and El Guapo. 

Donkey balls are whole macadamia nuts coated and re-coated with very high quality chocolate.  If the "choco" wasn't such high quality, I would say the ratio of chocolate to nut was way too high, but in this case, they did a fantastic job.  Each "ball" is roughly an inch and a half in diameter, so mouthing these puppies is a challenge for even the most experience nut rustler.       

The naming of the product is also quite refined.  Fine Ass Chocolate offers the following, all in your choice of dark or milk chocolate:  Flaky Balls, Dirty Balls, Salty Balls, Frosted Balls, Fire Balls, and my favorite, Nutty Butter Balls.  They have other options like chocolate-covered coffee beans, fruits, even body lotion (a little confused on that one), but I got my fill on balls and balls alone.  I even brought back a few bags for friends, although some melted on the trip back so in one case I had to hand over an unseemly wilted sack of misshapen balls.  Wasn't the first time, probably won't be the last.  

The high quality cacao makes even the milk chocolate taste a little like the dark stuff, but that is all the better to me.  I don't think I tried a donkey ball I didn't like.  You can't miss the store as it has a 20 foot blow-up donkey out front, it definitely gets your attention and begs for a touristy picture.  The gal that worked at the front counter was also great, she let me and the wife taste at least 5 different samples after greeting us with the delightful invitation to "please come taste our balls".  This company had great service, great marketing, and above all, great balls. 

Check out their website here: www.finasschocolate.com



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