Samu Thai Coconut Water Review

I’m an old, fat man.  Among the belly rolls, inability to sleep, lack of hair on my head, and abundance of hair on my ass, I am also plagued with the delicate constitution of a right-proper, fancy lad.  I can’t eat ice cream after 7pm or my guts will cramp like I have a crowning 10lb baby.  I can’t drink more than 6 oz of cola at a time or the heartburn sets in so bad that I’m clutching my chest while checking the internet for sure signs of a heart attack.  I have to be careful with popcorn, hot chocolate, anything with too much sugar, caffeine, and for some strange reason, black olives.

Hence, when I am travelling overseas, I don’t go anywhere without a large stock of Imodium, Pepto, and plenty of those portable packs of Kleenex.  The Kleenex became a staple after an unfortunate incident in Singapore.  I won’t go into details, but let’s just say that it is harder than you think to rip up boxers enough to get them to flush, damn you low flow toilets!  ...and to whichever janitor found that pair of torn shorts stuffed behind the toilet, I’m so, so sorry.

Now that I have aired that dirty laundry, I’ll tell you about one of the best things I have found overseas for my tender tummy.  A fresh, young coconut was the perfect settler to my ever-bubbling Buddha-belly, so I routinely ordered it where ever and whenever I could.  It was great, offering the perfect amount of sweet and coolness to whatever unsavory bile I was shoveling into my face that night.  It became my go-to drink while traveling.  When I got back to the states I realized that this stuff was simply not available.  There are a few restaurants that serve it, supposedly fresh, but it isn’t the same, even straight from the coconut.  It is always bitter and has an after taste.  A couple of companies package it, but again it somehow loses the sweetness and isn’t as tasty.  Samu must have felt my pain because this company solves the problem by doing the most logical thing possible, they add sugar.  That’s it.  Cool, refreshing coconut milk and pure Thai cane sugar.  That seems like a recipe for success.  

At first taste I thought, they have done it, this is what I remember.  Half way through the can I was thinking otherwise.  It was simply too sweet and by the time I finished the can, I had a case of sugar-head like I had just downed an energy drink.  Those don’t agree with me either.  If you like that “I’ve been up for days” fuzziness mixed with an uncontrollable urge to do wind sprints in the yard, you’ll probably love this drink.  For me, it just caused a headache. 

They do advertise that it makes great mixed drinks so I made up a Colada of sorts for the kiddos, minus the Rum, and they loved it.  I did too, actually.  Cutting the sugar with some other fruits and crushed ice did the trick

To be diligent in my assessment, I also handed out a few cans to see what others thought and added some of their comments below:

“There are not many drinks out there that both quench your thirst and blend well as a mixed drink, but Samu’s natural coconut drink has found a perfect blend! I found the semi sweet coconut taste quite a pleasant pick me up in the mornings. Once the evening rolls around, adding a little Peach Schnapps was a tasty treat for the palate, overall a great product!”  - Doogie Snouser  (That was way too professional for Reviewspew, he must be getting a kickback from the company or used Google Comments for that.)

“This stuff tastes like sweaty, smelly feet. (Don't judge me)” – Matt  (Don’t be confused, Matt has an annual membership to Filthyfeet.com so that is a 5-star endorsement from him.)

“I didn’t think it was too sweet.  Tasted great to me.” – Wife (Although disgusted by the first couple of paragraphs, I’m sure she will be happy that I completed at least one review without mention of the Zombie Apocalypse, MMA fighting, or my tiny penis.)

Overall, this stuff had mixed reviews.  I think it is best mixed with something else, but they did bring back the sweet that the other companies are missing.  Good effort, not bad, and if it wasn’t for the head-rush, I probably would have added another star.