Quiznos Hollandaise Prime Rib Sandwich Review

The Taco Bell Law of Multiplicity is not well known.  Taco Bell only has 11 ingredients in their building. You'd be surprised how many different combinations of bacon, beans, cheese, and quasi-meat they can create. Using 8th grade algebra, Taco Bell has discovered that they can create "new" items until 2024 without adding a different ingredient into the mix.  When they advertise a "bacon cheddar gordita crunch," think back to when you ate the "cheesy bacon Gordita taco" a few years ago. Same thing...higher price now.

Quiznos has jumped into the same slight of hand game with their sandwiches.  At first glance, Quiznos menu looks daunting.  Sandwiches, sliders, flat-bread, and soup. (oh my)  Upon closer inspection though, it's amazing what they can do with a horde of sauces and a few different meats.

Along these lines, Quiznos has a "new" offering called the Hollandaise Prime Rib Sandwich.  They place their prime rib on toasted garlic bread topped with their Hollandaise steak sauce, sautéed mushrooms, and a double portion of Mozzarella cheese.  This seems eerily similar to the peppercorn prime rib, double cheese prime rib, black Angus, french dip, and prime rib Philly sandwiches that are currently on their menu.

Despite the lack of prime rib menu diversity by Quizno's, their constant TV advertisements had me drooling at layer upon layer of slow roasted prime rib, crunchy fresh bread, and savory Hollandaise sauce. 
What I actually received was a sore disappointment.
The harbingers of sauce
My actual sandwich had half the meat shown in the picture, and it was placed in the center of the sandwich leaving ends of the sandwich devoid of toppings.  Generally this would lead to breaking your tooth on the crispy butt-bread-ends, but the triple-spout Hollandaise spigot completely negated any bread crunch.  Have you seen these sauce dispensers at Quiznos?  Three monster outlets to spew endless amounts of sauce on your otherwise crispy bread.  It was like a Hollandaise bukkake  My sandwich soaked up the sauce like an industrial-strength maxi-pad (with wings).  Instead of a crunchy meaty surprise with a hint of Hollandaise, I had a drippy, mushy, mushroom-heavy sludge-fest that happened to drip onto my crotch ( I WAS wearing pants).  My friends now call me HC (Hollondaise crotch...although it's better than the alternative--stubby).

To be fair, in correct sauce/bread/meat/topping proportions, this sandwich has potential.  The taste wasn't horrible, and there were inklings of a satisfactory sandwich experience.  The meat is tasty and I'll never turn down a double cheese throw-down.  Unfortunately, at $7 for a large sandwich, I won't be tempting the fate of the triple-spout sauce Gods again.
The Hollandaise Prime Rib Sandwich garners a very poor 1-star rating.  I've had better prime rib sandwiches at Quiznos, so perhaps your experience was better.


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