Arby's Spicy Three Pepper Sauce Review

Quick story. The year was 1978 and I was seven years old. Back then I was known as Just Jimmy. Sitting in the backseat of a mammoth sized Ford sedan, driving somewhere with my mom behind the wheel and her sister at shotgun. I wasn’t really paying any attention until my mom placed before me a wrapped up sandwich. It was hot and savory and rather large for such a young person as myself (among other things, this was the beginning of my transformation into the Hutt-like fatty I am today). I opened the wrapper and found a simple sandwich. A sesame seed bun with a large pile of thinly shaved roast beef. The sandwich was consumed quickly. This was my first Arby’s sandwich (that I remember). I remember it because my mother was so shocked that a child so small and so young could devour such a mammoth sandwich. It was most likely her praise at this accomplishment that set me on a course that now requires me to buy my clothes at a large and tall store (BTW-I’m only 5’6” tall). I tell this story, not to disparage my loving mother but to segue into my review about the new (and now, only good thing) about Arbys.

Last week I took a 17 hour round trip to drop two of my children off at college. On my return trip I stopped at a truck stop which happened to have an Arby’s in it. I hate Arby’s. I mean, I use to love Arby’s and could not get enough of it, but much like the TV show Jericho, all good things must come to an end. Jericho died prematurely, whereas Arby’s has slowly been dying for years and has just failed to concede the fact and fall over. The meat has become dry, tasteless and mealy. The chicken selections are not much better. It’s come down to the only good thing about Arby’s is that it has Pepsi products. So eating there last week was an act of pure desperation and lack of judgment spawned by exhaustion and hunger.

I ordered a Roast Beef Max. This same sandwich has been known as a Big Colorado, a Giant Roast Beef and also a Large Roast Beef, but basically it amounts to just a big ass version of the first sandwich I ever consumed
from Arbys. I have found that as the meat has degraded in flavor that if you add Tomato and Lettuce, it’s almost passable as edible. So I had them add lettuce and tomato. The food came quickly which was no surprise since I envision a 50-gallon drum full of the stuff they just scoop out with huge tongs and slap onto a bun. I went over and filled up my Pepsi and then went to the condiment station to get my Arby’s Sauce (I like Arby’s sauce…it’s like BBQ sauce but isn’t). The typical Arbys 3-station condiment station was now a 5-station condiment station. In addition to Ketchup, Arby’s Sauce and Horsey Sauce (like horseradish sauce by isn’t), they now had Honey Mustard and Spicy Three Pepper Sauce. This stopped me in my tracks. In my entire 34 years of consuming Arby’s food, this was the first real change. This was fundamental and epic. It had to be tried. I grabbed several little cups of both of the new sauces and sat down to eat.

First the Honey Mustard was not that good. I think to be fair it just doesn’t go very well with Roast Beef. Perhaps on their chicken items it will knock your socks off, but not on beef. Another problem with it was the color. Honey mustard is typically a little more brown than yellow. This was brighter yellow than French’s Mustard and was a little off-putting. It was just too artificial. It tasted fine and I will definitely try it again next time if I get Chicken.

I then tried the Spicy Three Pepper Sauce. Wow! It was delicious. It was not obnoxiously hot or hot just for the sake of being hot. It was flavorably hot. It was savory and delicious. In short; I loved it. Although my sandwich was bigger than any sandwich had the right to be, the 4 gallons of this stuff that I put on it was a bit much, but I just couldn’t get enough. This was absolutely too good to be true.

The sandwich was gone, the dust settled and all that remained was a Spicy Three Pepper Sauce streak running from ear-to-ear and nose-to-chin. I took my tray to the garbage where a very pleasant female Arby’s worker was cleaning the area. I asked her how long they had the new sauces and she said a couple of months. I told her I really loved the Three Pepper Sauce and she smiled and said, “You should try it on our breakfast sandwiches”. I was so overcome by the possibility that I actually swooned. I put my hand on her shoulder and channeled the voice of a woman from Georgia saying “Oh my goodness, that sounds just heavenly”.

But be warned. The next day I actually left home early so I could stop by on my way to work to get an Arby’s breakfast sandwich just so I could pour gallons of this sauce on it, and guess what? This Arby’s (a mere 50 miles from the one I had dined at the night before) had not even heard of these two new sauces. I left without even ordering. Jeez I hate Arby’s. I really, truly do. What’s up with this? Limited time? Apparently not, those new condiment dispensers looked permanent. Limited locations? Apparently so … and damn them to hell for doing this to me. So now I am actually wrestling with the idea of leaving 90 minutes early and driving 50 miles just to eat breakfast. Damn them. Arby’s you get a Big Fat Zero but your new Spicy Three Pepper Sauce is a certified ReviewSpew All-Star.


Anonymous said...

Brags about a restaurant having Pepsi products?

JustJim said...

Americans drink nearly 36 million gallons of cola a day. About a third of that is Pepsi (so nearly 12 million gallons). So I'm not the only one who prefers Pepsi over Coke YOU STUPID, ASS-HAT! I BET YOU PREFER YOUR MOTHER'S TEET TO AN ICE COLD SODA ANYWAY! GET OFF MY WEBPAGE.

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