Peach Ring Candy Review

I love candy. I am addicted to candy. If I had to choose between sex and candy….I would choose sex, but be thinking of candy the entire time. I once ate a 5 pound bag of skittles in 1 hour. My jaw hurt so bad the next day I couldn’t answer my work phone. One thing I have learned in my candy adventures is that not all candy is created equal. Take licorice for example….worst candy ever. It tastes like wax soaked in kerosene. Or Cinna-bears; if I want to chew on something that will be stuck in my mouth for days I might as well mouthwash with PVC pipe cement. There is one candy however that could give the most devout monks a sugar erection. Two words……Gummy Peach Rings (three words).

Peach rings have been scientifically proven to be the greatest thing since the Old Testament. Standard peach ring uses include; pain relief, sleep aids, and full auto gasket replacement kits. Taking 2 before a test has been proven to increase scores by 22% and have been known to mend broken relationships. Imagine where Jon and Kate +8 would be today if peach rings had played a more integral part of their marriage? If you Google "peach ring creation" the only search result will be a picture of Jesus converting eternal joy into donut shape gummy candies.

Everyone knows that Trolli makes the best peach rings. If you didn’t know that then you need to get your shit together. If you want to slum it, you can always go for some Sathers peach rings, but eating Sathers is a lot like motor-boating a fat chick….it can be fun while you are in it but can lead to a raw tongue and bi-polar depressive mood swings. Stay away from Farley and Giant brands unless you are in the market for a severe case of explosive diarrhea.

The only downside to the Trolli Peach Rings is that after consuming more than 30 in under 10 minutes it begins to feel like you are sucking on peach flavored sandpaper. Overall I would give Trolli Peach Rings 4 out of 5 stars.


Anonymous said...

7-11 makes 7-11"select" candies including peach and watermelon rings they are fan freakin tastic! i think they may be made by Trolli and repackaged??

thx winkdogg@hotmail.com

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