Something happened the other day that shocked me right out of my boots. Stuck in heavy traffic on a 4 lane road, I’m over in the right lane. Not at a complete standstill, but close. I notice up ahead that a woman in a car is trying to get out into my lane of traffic and nobody is letting her. I thought for sure somebody would before I got there, but nobody did. For me it was just second nature to pause and let her in. Then she did something so inexplicable that it caused me to have an epiphany. She blew me a double kiss (smack, smack) as she was getting into my lane. The tingling that started rising from my toes, up my legs, skipping the naughty parts (because it wasn’t that kind of feeling), through my belly, further up my spine, all the way to the tips of what hair I have left on my head, was the most incredible feeling I’ve had since the day I discovered M&Ms come in 2-pound bags.
The feeling lasted for hours and the epiphany that came with that feeling was “nobody blows kisses anymore” and of course by “nobody” I meant women. A man blowing kisses is just wrong, unless you’re gay, in which case blow all you want. For men, a wink, I believe, is the equivalent. I’m a huge fan of winking at people. For me it’s a way of saying “thanks” or “I enjoyed our conversation” or any number of things that match the situation at hand to say I enjoyed this time with you, no matter how brief or long it may have been. Women can wink too, but unfortunately, most men will take it as a sign of some sexual attraction by the woman for the man. Stupid men. This might be why all these gestures started going away. A woman blows you a kiss or winks at man or even smiles and the guy goes into “Wolf on prowl” mode.
Speaking of smiling, which is the unisex version of this type of gesture, both men and women should smile more and not just at the opposite sex but at each other. Let me give you another example. I’m driving down the street. A woman passes me on my left. I look over, she looks over her shoulder at me and she gives me the biggest smile; a real genuine smile, that caused me to smile and reflexively wink at her which made her smile even bigger. That’s it. I didn’t follow her home, nor did I even have drawn out, fantasies about her. This was just an unspoken and genuinely wonderful connection between two strangers passing by each other.
Some might be thinking at this point, “Well yeah. You’re a hideous hutt of a man, so of course any kind gesture flung your way is going to knock your socks off” and you would be correct. That does not mean that I am incorrect. I fancy myself a student of human behavior and I have noticed that these three things, blowing kisses, smiling and winking our becoming a very rare thing on the verge of extinction in our society and I find that to be a greater travesty than global warming or the cancelling of Jericho (No I’m still not over that).
I think it’s a symptom of the fact that we are growing more cold, more callous, and narcissistic as a people. I think we should rethink this and try and turn this trend around. Almost needless to say, I give blowing kisses, winking and smiling 5-stars, and hope like heck that we can all try to reincorporate these gestures back into our life. Forsake flipping the bird, forsake the scowl, the finger’n’thumb loser sign, the contemptuous-judgmental furrowed brow, the blatant refusal to acknowledge my existence on the planet, the tripping me while on stairs, the shoves from the back, the bitch-slaps, the donkey-punches to the head, the name calling, etc, etc. I digress, I was having an 8th grade flashback. Sorry. Anyway, look forward to my follow-up review titled “Cat-calling, leering and goosing”.