Dentalogica Fierce White 3-day Teeth Whitening System Review

I don't smoke or drink coffee.  I brush, floss, and even use a water pik.  And what does that get me?  Teeth that could land me a lead role in any Monty Python skit or Mr. Bean episode.
I'm really not exaggerating this point here.  It seems that no matter how much I brush, my teeth just look more and more weathered, and continue to progress to a deeper shade of yellow.

There are many teeth whitening systems on the market.  I've tried a few different Crest systems.  I've had successful results, but they make my teeth hurt so damn bad.  5 minutes of those strips, and I'm moaning in pain like a little girl for the rest of the day.
I've been using "whitening" toothpaste for years now to no avail.  The only thing they lighten is my wallet.
I'd like to have a dentist professionally laser the hell out of my choppers, but the price tag is just too steep.

Luckily, I ran across a different type of system for a really good deal.  I had to give it a try.  It was the fierce white 3-day system by Dentalogica.

Full disclosure here--I literally paid 10 bucks for this kit.  It's like $49 on Amazon or on the home shopping channels.  Based on this price, my review might be completely different than someone who paid 500% more than I did.

The kit comes with 3 "pens."  Inside these pens are little brushes that you just "paint" onto your teeth.  If you can't stay inside the lines when you color, this kit may not be for you.
Each pen has an epoxy goo end, and the whitening goo end.  You brush on the epoxy first, and then coat with whitener after this.  You are supposed to do this 2x at night, and 1x in the morning.
It's a very easy process.

I've compiled the list of positives and negatives to this program directly below.

Positives:

No tooth sensitivity -- Your teeth don't feel like raw pieces of hammered meat after whitening.  No tooth sensitivity whatsoever.  Nada.  None. Zilch.  Conversely, I always felt that the excruciating pain mentally told me that some chemical reaction was taking place on my teeth.

It's fast -- The whole process takes under 10 minutes, plus you get to channel your inner Bob Ross (RIP).

It was cheap -- OK...so I paid significantly less than most.  $10 is a great price.

Negatives:

Drool Monster -- You're supposed to let the stuff dry on your teeth, which instantly sets off the "saliva alarms" in my mouth.  It's like I turn into a Pit-bull at a Wienerschnitzel.  Drool and saliva are everywhere.  It's literally like the Exorcist.

Lip Exercises -- To hold your lips off your teeth until the whitener dries is a herculean proposition.  For 10 straight minutes, I'm channeling my inner Politician, and try to maintain a full-mouth smile.

Turpentine -- The stuff doesn't taste very good.  There is a subtle hint of nail polish mixed with oregano.  It would probably be good on a bagel.

Quantity -- There is not enough "Epoxy" goo, and way too much "whitener" goo.  When you run out of the epoxy, I suggest using it on a jalapeno bagel. (I actually don't suggest this.  There is a warning on the box which says not to ingest the product.  Funny....as you actually put the entire contents in your mouth and swallow it when it wears off your teeth.  Killing you slowly I suppose)

Bottom line -- Does this stuff work?  Well.....I wouldn't say that it made my teeth a lot whiter.  Maybe just a little less yellow.
Would I buy it again?  For $10, I say yes.  For $49...No way.

I give this a less-than-gleaming 2-star rating.