Pompeii: City on Fire book review

I'm gonna pull out a tired old cliche here. Please do not judge a book by its cover. If you are a cover judger then you'll never pick up this novel because it looks like a fantasy novel comprised of amazon women and volcanoes. Thankfully this is not that kind of book. I honestly question why this image was used. I guess world of warcraft was giving away free stock images that day.

I received this book as an advanced copy for review and knew immediately that I would hate it. I actually started reading the book for good material to slam it in a review. So imagine my suprise (imagine it, or else!) when I found it very easy to read and found it to be a very captivating story.

To sum up the plot, Ariella is a Jewish slave to the Roman elite when she escapes to a gladiator training camp. She is able to hide her gender and ultimately fights as one of the smaller gladiator men. Think Joan of Arc meets Spartacus. Meanwhile a young honest politician, Cato, has recently arrived in Pompeii with his family and feels prompted to challenge a corrupt politician who rules the city. The third character is Mount Vesuvius and she (yes "she") interjects at the end of a few chapters spelling doom and gloom to come for everyone, good or bad.

I found it tiring that Ariella kept getting away with being a gladiator. I've seen Spartacus on Starz and I know that they are always naked. But thankfully only the first third of the book keeps her in this ruse. I have mentioned the tv series Spartacus a few times, and the inner workings of dirty politics in this book and the arena battles could easily fit into a season of that show and that is not a bad thing.

Higley has a talent for knowing just when to mix things up in the plot. Just when you think you're getting tired of a story angle, Higley mixes it up and creates a completely new and entertaining situation. And of course everything becomes mayhem with the inevitable volcano eruption.

I haven't looked into Higley's bio to find out, but I gather she writes subtly Christian novels. I'm sure that works for her, but everytime that christianity is introduced in this book it feels forced. I actually could have done without it, and not had to deal with the instant conversions that take place in the book. Some things may have changed between the advance copy I read and the actual book that is on the shelf now, so I hope she made a few quick edits. Unfortunately the cover is still the same.

Pompeii: City on Fire, by T.L. Higley is 368 pages and gets a surprising yet deserving 4 stars.

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Giveaway--$20 Arby's Gift Card

If you didn't like our review of the Arby's Angus Cool Deli sandwich, then maybe you'll like this:

We're giving away a 20 dollar Arby's gift card just for visiting this blog!  Entries will be accepted until Thursday 11PM EST.

You can get up to 3 entries for this contest, and a winner will be drawn randomly.  Below are the 3 ways you can earn an entry:

1--Respond to this post and list your favorite thing to dip into Arby's Sauce. (we prefer curly fries or fingers)
2--Follow us on Facebook by clicking this link and "Like" us.  If you already follow us, comment on any link on our Facebook page to gain another entry.
3--Follow us on Twitter by clicking this link.  If you already follow us, tweet any of one of our reviews for an extra entry.

If you do not appreciate our sophomoric humor and poor writing, then you can click this link, head down to the 5th ring, turn left at the 4th pit, and burn in Hell.

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Arby's Cool Deli Sandwich Review

Arby's has built it's reputation and fame from a single item.  No, I'm not talking about their roast beef...I'm talking about their sauce.

Is Arby's sauce barbeque sauce?  Is it more like a vinegary ketchup?  Was it the saving manna that led Moses through the desert?  I'm not entirely sure, but it sure is delicious.  I don't even know why they ask you if you want Arby's sauce with your sandwich when going through the drive-thru.  They should ask if you want a sandwich to go with your Arby's sauce.

In the hierarchy of leftover kitchen drawer sauce packets, the Arbys sauce sits in the pantheon of greats.  It reigns supreme above the no-name soy sauce packets, taco bell smarky quip packets, and honey packets from KFC. (really...who uses honey on a biscuit?  They're already like 20 fat grams a piece...do we really need to add a sugary topping? (yes)) (that was a parenthetic statement inside another parentheses.  I'm really on point here)

With my Arby's sauce obsession, I was a little leery of the new sandwich offering.  The Angus Cool Deli sandwich. (they also offer it as a wrap)
This is a change in that it is a "cool" sandwich.  I don't mean that it's cool like the Fonz.  It's cold.  The sauce, meat, and veggies are all cool. (although the bun is toasted)

This new sandwich flies into the very face of what Arby's deity created "in the beginning."  No hot roast beef, multiple sauces which in theory I wouldn't guess would mix well with Arby's sauce, and pickles.  I repeat--pickles on an Arby's roast beef sandwich.

Here's the catch though--It's really good.  I had them leave the mayo off the sandwich because my clothes are starting to get stretch marks.  It wasn't really necessary as the sandwich also has a vinaigrette dressing to complement the roast beef, banana peppers, pickles, Swiss cheese, onions and tomatoes.  In addition, the toasted bun gives a good complement to the cool toppings on the sandwich.
The only negative would be the price.  The sandwich is over 5 dollars by itself, and the combo will run you at least 7 bucks depending on your location.  If I spend $7.50 on lunch, I'd like it to be something different than fast food.

Did I end up putting Arby's sauce on this sandwich?  Yes.  It would have been sacrilegious had I not.  And it ended up working out quite well.  I'd purchase this again.  Strong 4-star rating here.

Check back tomorrow--We'll be giving away a 20 dollar gift certificate to Arby's so you can try the new sandwich.
Please note--Review Spew received this sandwich for free in order to review this item.  Review Spew does not give a positive or negative review based on receiving free items.  In fact, we generally enjoy giving negative reviews related to giveaway items.  It always seems to piss them off...:)  Alas, a negative review does not apply here.

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Kirkland Fruit and Nuts Review--Take it or Leave it

Cranberries, Cherries, Pistachios, Walnuts and Almonds.  What do these all have in common?
They are all in fruitcake.
They all find a home in a nasty snack called fruit festives.
They can all be added to cookies and will instantly ruin them.

All of the above involve eating some of the nastiest crap on the planet.  Alone, these food components are actually quite good. (except Walnuts...which tastes roughly like tree bark)  Unfortunately, someone decided to use the powers of bizarro-synergy to create the horrible dishes above.
So can Kirkland Fruit and Nuts mix with the above listed items be good?  It defies logical thought, but it is true.  This stuff is delicious.
Kirkland has dried the Cranberries and Cherries, and mixed them with the nuts.  They could have called it "Fruity crunch," or "Sweet nutty crunchies," or "Stuff you'd find in fruitcake"...but they decided to go straight up and call it "Fruit and Nuts." (This sounds strangely like something you'd find in the urban dictionary--On a side note, you can't say the word "nut" without a 12 year old boy giggling.  Kind of like "sack".)


The sweet dried fruit is offset by the nuts in this mix.  Even the gritty walnut is tolerated when mixed with a sweet cherry.  I found myself eating this more as a treat than a snack.  My kids were begging for it.
If you don't mind the side effect of having rabbit-like crap after eating, I highly suggest you run down to Costco and pick up a bag.  You can then create double entendre's to your hearts content with the words nuts and cherries.
Take it!!

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Netflix new plans and price change

All right kids, you ready for a rant? Let's talk about Netflix for a little bit. You all know them for the streaming service with load of 80's action movies and the red envelopes that always give you 2 seconds of excitement before you actually see the movie delivered and think to yourself, "I wanted to watch this last week?"

I would like to give my personal history with Netflix. Please be patient. I joined them in 2004 strictly to watch new TV series and they were good to me. But being a fickle consumer I made the move to "the Big Evil" Blockbuster where they had a fantastic deal of online rentals plus unlimited store trade-ins. I hate doing business withe the devil but a good deal is a good deal. Well it wasn't long until blockbuster turned everything on its head and gave much less for the same rate. See that review here. So my satisfaction with Blockbuster dropped just as Netflix started offering dvd mail-ins packaged with Unlimited Streaming. Holy movie heaven Batman! I also reviewed that experience. I had unlimited streaming rentals to watch anytime I booted up my PS3 and still received one dvd at a time for new releases or shows for my wife. And I got this for only $10 a month. Life was good.

Which brings us to the email that many of us receive on July 12th. Without apology, Netflix has decided they're charging too little for their plans and have decided to split the streaming plan from the dvd plan and have no bundle pricing. The breakdown of it all is: 7.99 for only streaming. 7.99 for only one dvd at a time. So we're saying over 16 dollars and tax for the same plan I'm paying 10 dollars for. For those who want more dvd's you can just do 2 at a time for 11.99 without streaming.

About 6 months ago, Netflix upped their rates 1 to 2 dollars. And that sucks but it's nature. As consumers we understand that prices go up every once in a while by a fraction. But now Netflix has the gall to increase prices to nearly double?! That's a lot of nerve. Let's imagine that Little Caesars (who are known for their 5 dollar hot and ready pizzas) all of a sudden decide to start advertising their new $8.50 hot'n'ready pizzas. I would give them 2 months before they went bankrupt. No one would go anymore. The American public has standards and it relies on not paying more than $5 for a cardboard pizza.

I hate to say this but I am equating Netflix's streaming selection to carboard pizza. If I've ever tried to sell anyone on signing up to Netflix(and yes I've actually done this), people often will reply that the movies available on streaming suck, with nothing that you actually want to watch. I became a netflix apologist as I would state that the TV series on streaming are fantastic, while always skirting the lack of new release movies on streaming. Well no longer, The movies on streaming really do suck. It is overloaded with National Geographic documentaries, anime, and crappy soft-core horror movies made by Rob Zombie's little brother, Brent. Many news stories about this issue have claimed that Netflix is restructuring their plans so they can improve their streaming selection. I cry Foul! The only new releases they offer have been available on video for months and are only available because they were shown on the Starz channel. And even that deal is falling apart.

I would like to say that I'm completely cancelling everything Netflix because of this news but sadly I am not. They do have a wide variety of kids shows that my 2 year old loves. And it can be nice to have 20 minutes of free time and watch an old episode of twilight zone. So Netflix, the jerks, have me there. Bloody drug dealers. Yes, this does save me 2 dollars a month but it's 2 dollars I would gladly pay to keep the same service.

I value a business who takes care of their customers. I, along with millions of others, was put out when hackers attacked Sony's Playstation Network. I couldn't play Black Ops for almost 2 months. Well they thankfully realized that Sony fanboys were upset and offered, in my correct opinion, a great Welcome Back package including 4 free games. That is what I'm talking about. I don't even pay to use the playstation network, but Sony still decided to reward people for their patience, for a free freaking service!!! If Sony had Netflix's business model they would have decided to relaunch the network after it had been down for 2 months and start charging people to use it.

Many will say, "But even streaming and one rental for 16 bucks is a better deal than anywhere else you can go." Shameful. I can't respect a company that decides to double my rates overnight. I really hope that Blockbuster gets smart to this and launches a great on-demand package. Thousands would jump ship. And where are all the other streaming services? This is their moment to take down netflix.

As I said, I'm keeping the mediocre, yet necessary unlimited streaming. For new releases I guess I'll go fight the lines at Redbox.

Shame on you Netflix! Your new plans get a Big Fat Zero and may the rental Gods have mercy on your soul.

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Carrot Top's Las Vegas Show Review

So I was in Vegas a couple of weeks ago with a buddy and we wanted to see a few shows. We were going through the massive list when we came across Carrot Top. I thought it looked great, but my friend, like so many others I’ve talked to since, said "I hate that guy, there is no way I’m paying to see him". It took some work but I finally convinced him to go and I have to say that he changed his mind in the first five minutes of the show. The guy comes out on stage like it is a rock concert and he instantly won me over. We had really great seats, not that there were many bad ones as the venue wasn't huge, and thought he was fantastic and really funny. I just can't figure out why most people's initial reaction to him is so negative.

So what if he looks like an oversized chucky doll.

So what if his shoulders sit on top of his arms like a couple of overripe muskmelons.

So what if his movie "Chairman of the board" scores a 14% on Rotten Tomatoes.

So what if his hair is reminiscent of deranged orangutan with mange. (wow..that was poetic)

So what if he looks like the plastic surgery 3-way love child of Michael Jackson, Joan Rivers and JB's Big Boy.

So what if he uses more props than an over aged porn star.

So what if he never admitted to being Rocky Dennis' twin brother. (Google it)

So what if he has "juiced" more than Minute Maid.

So what if Ronald McDonald has a pending lawsuit against him for their copy written fright wig.

So what if he belongs down at Fraggle rock….down at Fraggle rock.

So what if he would fit right into the 80’s Genesis video “This is the World We Live In”..oh…oohh

So what if he looks like the an Irish version of Chaka Khan.

So what if he played one of “Floops Fooglies” in the movie Spy Kids.

So what if his face is pulled so tight that his ears touch in the back and you can see his wisdom teeth when he smiles.

So what if he looks like a troll doll without the belly gem.

So what if he sports a “smokey” eye and has a penciled brow, it makes him look severe and more distinguished. Plus, lots of dudes wear eyeliner these days. I would if I had the lashes for it. Case in point: Eddie Izzard, also hilarious.

So what if his most famous movie line was “Tell ‘em Large Marge sent ya”.

So what if he chooses to wears a full-on Gene Wylder ‘Fro...he doesn’t just wear it, he perfected it.

So what if he bullied “Ralphie” when he was a kid.

So what if he looks like a ripped Pippi Longstocking.

So what if he conspired against Issac in Children of the Corn, Malachi plays second fiddle to no man (or boy).

So what if he always wanted to be in Ricky Ricardo’s show…he does have some ‘splainin’ to do.

So what if he is up for the role of Lion-O in Broadway’s production of “Thundercats – the Musical”…I hear Rachel Dratch is up for the role of Mumm-Ra (decayed form of course).

So what if his best friends call him Sloth.

The guy is hilarious, packs the house every night, is ripped with major abs of steel, has been doing it for years and still delivers a great show..oh yeah, and he is worth roughly $87 Million, so he must be doing something right. All you haters can suck it. As for Carrot Top, all I can say is “well done my ginger friend, you are my hero.”

Btw…There are over 25 horrible pop culture references in this review. If you understood even 10% of them, shame on you. That was literally every reference to a redhead or freak that I could think of.

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Buffalo Wild Wings Mango Habanero BBQ sauce--Take it or Leave it

I don't like BBQ sauce--I love BBQ sauce.  I love it so much that I can't get rid of all the BBQ sauce orphans in my fridge.  You know what I'm talking about.  You use most of the BBQ sauce grilling up some chicken, but there is still a little bit left in the bottom.  You turn it upside down and put it back in the fridge to be forgotten behind the sauerkraut and pickled eggs..  I need to create a BBQ sauce "suicide" and mix them together to make room for milk and butter.

Buffalo Wild Wings is a great place to blow 15 bucks for a BBQgasm.  Is their food good? (so-so)  What does make them fantastic is their ridiculous variety of BBQ sauces.  They make it easy on you by listing the sauces from most mild to most hot.  I've tried both ends, and most in the middle.  The best mix of flavor and heat comes from the 3rd hottest sauce--Mango Habanero.

The flavor from the mango is fantastic, and then a couple seconds after the wing hits your lips--the heat comes in with an uppercut to your taste buds.  It's the perfect combination of heat and sweet.
The best part is that you can buy the sauces and bring them home.  3 bottles will run you about 12 bucks after tax.  Pour a little sauce on a boring chicken sandwich or salad--for a little kick.  My only complaint is that I wish Habanero was spelled Habañero so that I could have typed the enye character a little more.  Hardcore take it!!

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Security Feel Better Anti-Hangover Drink Review

    Welcome in a guest reviewer--who was more than willing to have a good reason to get liquored up.  We thank him for his sacrifice.:)

 Let’s put this into focus shall we? You’re out on the town with your buddies, drinking down Jager Bombs like they’re Grandma’s lemonade. There's a fat chick giving you the eye from across the room and well…as of the last drink she appears to have dropped a few pant sizes. Pretty soon you’re hugging a midget named Tommy and later wake up half naked in your apartment--pork chop in your pocket and headache that's pulsating worse then Michael J. fox's hand in a pointing contest. (insert hate mail here). Now what if I were to tell you that the people of SecurityFeelBetter.com have a drink that claims to put a end to those pesky hangovers. (but not an end to waking up by a midget named Tommy)
Do they work? Perhaps.
Will Zach Galifianakis be out of work soon? Perhaps.
Do you need to read on to find out? You bet your beer loving butt you do!

  I can say right out of the gate these babies are a little spendy. If you’re ordering from the website, be prepared to drop eleven bucks for a single 1oz bottle (includes shipping). Or if you’re a lush like me--I mean Alcoholic Scientist, cough cough, you can order four bottles for twenty-seven and they’ll ship them right to your door.
Once Fed-Ex dropped these off, I ripped the package open like a fat kid on Christmas hoping for a chocolate Santa. The overall design was really well done. They came in a little black box with a cool Security logo. There were two little bottles tucked inside, everything an anti-hangover drink should look like.

     A few drinks later, I went back to my room and figured I should probably confirm the directions of use, you know just to make sure. I was a little perturbed to find out that there really weren’t any instructions. It basically stated, shake well and consume one bottle--no sh*t! If you go to their website, it states the following on their Products page: “Drink SECURITY FEEL BETTER before going to bed.” and also under their FAQ's section “When is the best time to drink SECURITY FEEL BETTER Hangover Prevention? After your last glass of alcohol or before going to bed.” Just saying this would have been a nice to have this printed on the box!

     By the time I got the instructions figured out, I was good and liquored up. I downed one of the bottles and hit the sack. The overall taste was quite pleasant. It was just like drinking a small glass of pear juice.
     The best part of all is, (pause for effect)... these babies actually worked! The next morning I woke up feeling quite well. I had more energy than normal and the sluggishness you normally would feel from a good night of drinking was also gone. I gave a bottle each to two of my friends the day after who also usually have hangovers, and both stated they felt better. So besides a few beefs with the price and the label the overall impression gets my thumbs up approval!

Wake up at 8AM, open the blinds, and go to the gym—even if you came in last place in beer pong the night before. This product whips the "morning-after" sourpuss right out of you--I give it a 4-star rating.

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Footloose Remake - Take It or Leave It

I just watched the trailer for the remake for Footloose, and I must say, I gotta go take a dump. I'm ashamed of our society that would tolerate such a non-sensical thing to occur. Temptation Island was a good idea in comparison to this. There are many reasons to make a remake. Special effects is probably the number one reason. A great story, especially of the Sci-Fi or Fantasy genre can often times benefit from a modern face-lift. If not that then at the very least you are required to bring something new to the table.

I was moderately interested in seeing this when it was rumored that Kevin Bacon would be playing the part of the pastor. That would be enough of a cool twist to drag me out to it. But no, they got Dennis Quaid. Dennis Quaid? Are you kidding me. They might as well have gotten John Lithgow to play the part again. Or Randy Quaid for that matter. Needless to say, Dennis is an uninspired choice.

Sadly, there is nothing new with this version of the film. It does look as though they actually show the fateful night that leads to the town banning music and dancing, but so what. The fact we didn't see those kid's heads burst open like watermelons in the original helped push the point of how ridiculous the law really was. This can only bring some sympathy for the town elders for enacting such a draconian edict. Other than this one little thing it appears to be a frame-by-frame reshoot, except now the music just sounds like a bunch of damn noise to me. No thanks. I'll just Leave It!

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Red Robin's 5 Alarm Chicken Sandwich--Take it or Leave it

I rarely go to restaurants to eat burgers or sandwiches. I always feel like it's beneath me to order something I could easily order in Carls Jr's drive up window when I'm dining out. Which is ironic because I tend to order appetizer combos instead of an actual entree. And appetizer combos are two steps lower on the bachelor food pyramid than a juicy burger.

Enter the new 5 Alarm Chicken Sandwich from Red Robin. You may already be familiar with the tasty 5 Alarm Burger, but Red Robin is offering this and a few other new specialty items until the end of July. This sandwich boasts "a spicy combination of grilled chicken breast, spicy Pepper-Jack cheese, jalapeños, tangy salsa and homemade chipotle mayo." Maybe it's because I'm just leaving work, but that is sounding pretty tasty right now.


To be honest, the only reason I got this is because I had a $10 gift card to Red Robin and wanted to stay in my limited budget(see also: free). Every other burger and salad were priced around 10 bucks, but because I wanted a drink I thought I'd have to order 2 small mozzarella sticks and a Coke. Well I was happy to find the 5 Alarm Chicken Sandwich w/ endless steak fries at a reasonable $6.99. You can't say no to that. And if you do, they might escort you out. (P.S. what's with their steak fries being the shape of grade-school erasers and even sort of tasting like them?)

In short, it's not the best chicken sandwich I've ever had. It's not even all that spicy. You think the jalapenos would help with that, but they've almost been absorbed by the salsa. Personally I wanted to bite into this sandwich and instantly regret it as I taste hellfire and even feel it burning my insides. But sadly it's just not that hot.

For the price and taste the 5 Alarm Chicken Sandwich is hard to beat and is a very reasonable lunch purchase (because we all know chicken sandwiches will not keep you satisfied at dinner). They are especially good if you have a $10 gift card.

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Transformers: Dark of the Moon review

Well here we are again. Two years gone by and we get another transformers movie. I've barely had time to get the bad taste of Transformers 2 out of my mouth and Michael Bay serves up a heaping platter of cheese and robots. Don't get me wrong, I quite enjoyed the first one for what it was and was very happy to see the toys of my childhood on the big screen in grand glory. But then that second movie came out and made me feel ashamed I ever owned Rodimus Prime.

In this movie a few years have gone by and all the characters are on to new things. Sam Witwicky is out of college and looking for a job in D.C. Megan Fox has apparently dumped him and decided to date one of the younger reviewers of the review spew staff. Sam now has this gorgeous new girlfriend and that's what makes this movie truly science fiction. How does this mousy jewish kid get victorias secret models fawning over him? Personally I believe he has stolen the machine from the movie "Weird Science" and is creating these beautiful women. Anyways, the decepticons have been quiet for a long time, while the autobots are helping uncle sam fight terrorism. But, findings of a transformer spaceship are found on the moon and the autobots race to keep what they find out of the hands of the decepticons. Needless to say, bad things happen and Chicago gets destroyed.

I don't hate Shia Lebouf like many others do. At least the guy can admit when he's made a bad movie. He's fine enough as a whiny guy who wants to feel important for having saved the world twice already. His new hot girlfriend doesn't add anything new and even makes Megan Fox look like Meryl Streep. (No, I'm not saying she makes her look hideous, just that she is a much better actress)

This is a long movie and it feels long, but strangely only for the first hour and a half. There was a whole bunch of transformer dialogue and scenes that were only included to move from awkward joke to awkward joke. There were so many plot holes, but Michael Bay must be a magician because so many things are being discussed that you forget the previous plothole and it becomes unimportant because you're just waiting for the last battle.

Michael Bay must have listened to the critics because he has removed most of what made Revenge of the Fallen so bad. Gone are the two jive-talking, racial-stereotyped robots. Bumblebee doesn't urinate on anyone in this movie. John Turturro is not shown wearing a thong. And the tiny Joe Pesci robot doesn't hump anyone's leg in this movie. That's not to say that Michael Bay completely listened. He has replaced the jive robots with Scottish-stereotype robots, and the tiny gremlin robots are just as annoying as ever. I'm just happy that Skids and Mudflap are gone.

Let me discuss the most important part of the movie. The final hour. It is literally one solid hour of explosions, robot battles, and buildings collapsing. And let's not forget the marines in the flying squirrel getups. This hour starts off in a bizarre way. The decepticons start attacking Chicago and the next scene we see is Chicago destroyed. I'm truly disappointed in Michael Bay for forgetting who he is and not showing the carnage and destruction. Though what we do get is a great, long final showdown between the humans, autobots, and decepticons. Without sounding like a smelly, oily weirdo, there were times that my palms were sweating because of the intensity. Oh, and for the first and hopefully last time ever, I suggest you see this in 3D. This is the kind of movie 3D was made for. It doesn't have a crappy post-conversion look that every other 3D movie has. It's more in the vein of Avatar quality.

That was really hard for me to say. I really hate 3D.

All in all, this is the best movie Michael Bay could have ever made. I would have gone for the final hour alone and could have skipped the first hour and a bit. Is this movie ridiculous? Yes. Is it for the brainless masses? Yes. But saying that, I say it's worth seeing in the theater. Your TV at home just wouldn't be able to do justice to the destruction. The first half of the movie gets 1 star, but the finale gets at least 4, so let's make it an even 3.

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