There are a lot of different aspects that make a caffeinated product worthy of a Review Spew gold star. It has to be presentable, meaning a cool or eye grabbing package. It can’t taste like the inside of Sarah Jessica Parker’s shoe, (don’t ask how I know that), and of course it has to be packed so full of caffeine that when I consume it, time itself begins to stand still. So with this in mind, I took two products from the Ed Hardy line up and put them to the test!
The first product I tested were the “Ed Hardy Chocolate Rocks”. I’m not going to lie, every time I read this label I started to sing that Chef Song from South Park. You know the one where you replace rocks with another word and add some salt. That’s right, now it’s stuck in your head too sucker!
So now that we have the theme music going, let me break down the package for you, on the far left we have a Bulldog who’s wearing a diamond collar, a black and white checkerboard engineer hat who has two crisscrossed Band-Aids on his cheek that look about as cool on it as it did on Nelly in 2002. Then turn the box around and you have what looks to be one very pissed off Jaguar. WTF, yep I was thinking the same thing.
As for the Chocolate Rocks themselves? Let’s just say I found these things about as appealing as the actual actor ‘The Rock”, and no I didn’t think Tooth Fairy was an amazing blockbuster! At first taste, they were way too sugary. If you can make it past that, you then get the uninvited pleasure of a very bitter coffee taste that seems to attach to your palate like a fat chick at a rave. The only good thing I can say about these is that they are very caffeinated, but then again just because a Pinto gets good gas mileage doesn’t make it a great car now does it? 1 Star for the caffeine pop...but little else.
I really hate to end this on a bad note. Luckily the other product, the “Ed Hardy King Dog Energy Mints” reclaims a bit of the tarnished family name.
At first glance the packaging looks very nice, being presented in a red metal tin with yellow lettering. Yes there still is a Bulldog, but this time with no Band-Aids or checkerboard hats. Instead we have a crown and spiked collar, something that actually makes sense and fits the name of the product, amazing! The over all taste wasn’t too bad, there is a bit of an unpleasant after taste, but compared to the Chocolate Rocks, these things are great! So in conclusion, just like the Rocks acting career, I think the Chocolate Rocks will slowly be forgotten about and just like most story book endings, the king always prevails!
4 strong minty stars!!