Scott Naturals Flushable Wipes

So I was walking by a lake with a buddy of mine the other day and he sheepishly says to me “Hey Meatwad, do you ever have that not-so-fresh feeling, you know….back there?” I just smiled, put my hand on his shoulder and in my most reassuring voice said “Of course Matt, at some point or another, all men do”. The problem lies in the fact that with all of the progress of the last 100 years, nothing has really changed in the way of backside barnacle brushing. We still use wadded tissue and a dry process for fecal freshening. How is this possible? If you had muck on your hands, you wouldn’t wipe it off with a paper towel and think you were clean. Why then do we do exactly that with our daily ablutions? It is barbaric, and I have just recently had the courage to confront this taboo subject and make a change in my household.

A few days ago, after someone emailed me a link from Slickdeals.com, I added Scott Naturals Flushable Wipes as my new potty partner. Simply stated....Genius. These are the equivalent of flushable baby wipes for adults. What took us so long to come up with that? Amazon had a great deal on them too, so these didn’t break the bank. Now, I basically handle the heavy lifting with my standard 2-ply and then do the touch-up and detailing with these moist toilettes. In just a few days, I have to say that my derrière has never been happier.

The results are astounding. I feel as fresh as a mountain meadow and I swear that if my hiney was a kitchen floor, you could eat dinner off of it. I now leave the water closet with a stride of confidence never before experienced. Never again will I have to have a mid-day undie swap because my tidy-whities look like they were involved in a mud-bogging tractor pull. Never again will I have to fashion a T.P. based “man-pon” as a boxer brief barrier. Never again will I have to wipe till I bleed or risk having to sneak another pair of filthy shorts into the community trash can at work. The clouds have parted and it is the dawn of a new day.

Until that amazing time in the future where crack hair doesn’t exist or we find out once and for all how the 3 shells from “Demolition Man” work, I am convinced that this bidet in a box is the answer for the majority of bodagit bearing boys out there. Alliteration aside, these things are fantastic. Just because I’m no longer a baby, doesn’t mean I don’t love feeling “baby fresh”. I give these five squeaky-clean stars.


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