The Expendables Movie Review--Take it or Leave it

Let me pre-state that I am not a movie elitist, movie supremacist, or movie bigot.  I don't rave solely about independent movies or hold everything to the standard of writing of Christopher Nolan.  I loved the A-team (the new one), AVP, and the Neverending Story.  That being said--I recently watched what I consider to be the worst movie I've seen this year.

To be considered a decent movie, you need 2 of the 3 "cinematic legs" to hold up the proverbial stool. (this movie and stool go hand in hand)
1--Explosions
2--Story and Dialogue
3--Boobs

The Expendables was ridiculously heavy on number 1, and fell completely short on 2 and 3.
I really shouldn't judge too harshly.  Perhaps this was the best written movie of all-time.  Perhaps the story was amazing.  I wouldn't know because I couldn't understand 80% of it.
Do you really expect me to understand any coherent phrases from the following list of actors:

Sylvester Stallone
Jason Statham
Jet Li
Dolph Lundgren
Randy Couture
Steve Austin
Mickey Rourke
Arnold Schwarzenegger

If one of these guys had to call 911, they would die due to the lack of the art of simple comunication.
The cocophany of grunts, spittle, and screams was utterly ridiculous.

Oh yeah...and there were no boobs besides Stallone's creepy old man jugs.  Big fat leave it.