Will Smith's Trailer Review

Most of you have heard the hubbub about Will Smith’s trailer. “It’s huge”, “It’s 2 stories high”, “It’s mind-boggling”. And no “Trailer” is not the pet name for Will Smith’s manhood (I believe that’s referred to as “El Chupacabra”).

On location in New York for the filming of Men In Black III, this monstrous trailer, owned by Columbia Pictures (and not by Will Smith), has become more of an attraction to curious lookie loos than Will Smith himself. It’s gotten so bad that local shop owners have started complaining and eventually the trailer was moved with an apology from Columbia Pictures for the disturbance.

I have so many problems with this.

First of all, the shop-owners that are complaining. You’re idiots. More foot-traffic than you will see in a year is standing outside your store looking at this trailer and you’re losing money? I don’t care if you are in the business of selling dried rabbit turds, you should be able to take advantage of this situation and make extra money. Try this idea. Charge people $5 to get an aerial view of the trailer from your apartment window above your store. That’s 1 of a million things you could do to make money off of this. What’s wrong with you people?

Second, Columbia Pictures why did you move the trailer and then apologize for any inconvenience it may have caused? You’re idiots too. Because of this “dust-up” the marketing campaign for MIBIII is already in effect and it has only cost you the $20,000 it must have cost in gas to drive that rig from L.A. to NYC. So why, when the publicity was reaching critical mass did you throw in the towel? What you should have done is slapped a sign on it that said “Chill’n Big Willie Style” and told those that were complaining to go to hell.

Third, Will Smith why did you let them take your ride away from you man? You’re Will Smith for heaven’s sake. How many billions (that’s BILLIONS with a big frick’n “B” at the front of it) have you personally made for the movie industry in your career? Dude if it had been me and I heard people were starting to make a big fuss over it I would have requested that Columbia Pictures bring me a second one just on the off chance the DJ Jazzy Jeff showed up and needed a place to chill for a while. And when they give me that “Oh be reasonable Will” look, I would have said, “Well good luck making MIBIII without me. Maybe Justin Bieber is available to play J “.

Well all of that aside; let’s take a look at the thing. According to the manufacturer of the trailer (Anderson Mobile Estates), it has 1200 square feet of livable space across 3 stories (the main floor, 2nd floor pops out the side and the 3rd floor elevates up). Laminated thermal security glass (that means it’s bullet proof and at a flip of a switch it can be darkened to provide privacy). Also, the entire vehicle is bomb resistant (in case you’re site-seeing in Iraq I guess). The trailer all by itself weighs 60,000 pounds, and finally it can all be yours for a mere $1.8 Million dollars (Chump change for Will Smith let alone a movie studio).

If you were a multi-millionaire superstar and had to be away from home for a while, why wouldn’t you demand having this? It’s awesome with no drawbacks. Parking, insurance, gas prices, who cares. You’re Will Smith. You can afford it. Everybody who has a problem with this gets a Big Fat Zero from me, but this trailer is a certified ReviewSpew All-Star. Because it totally rocks!!