There are a lot of necessary-evils in the world today. Taxes, prostate exams, dudes in adult films, etc. But none are quite as necessary or quite as evil as the cookie portion of the Oreo cookie. When Double Stuff Oreo cookies were introduced, around the time I was 6 years old, I would take one of the cookies off 2 of the Oreos and then squash the filling parts together. This was heaven and I assumed it wouldn’t be long until Nabisco came out with a Triple Stuff version.
For years I’ve sought out ways to remove both cookies of each Oreo so that I would be left with nothing but the cream filling. This proved overly messy and to be honest, the result was no longer a cookie. Even at 6 I knew; on some subconscious level, that you needed a cookie in there somewhere in order to make it a cookie. So necessity #1 is you need a cookie to make it a cookie.
Necessity #2 is you need a vehicle to get the cream filling into your gaping maw of a mouth. I’ve scoffed at people for years that removed the top cookie and licked the cream filling off of the other cookie. If you only knew how stupid you looked when you did this, you would no longer do this. Plus this was always too much work. I don’t like to burn calories when eating candy, cakes and cookies. That’s why I don’t eat Charleston Chews. Nobody should work up a sweat when trying to eat a snack.
Hands down my favorite cookie to dip into milk is Oreos (second favorite is Chips Ahoy). I would soak the Oreo until the cookie part almost lost molecular cohesion and then would thrust the whole thing into my mouth. By the time I was 12 I could eat an entire family sized package of Double Stuff’s like this in less than 30 minutes, and still be hungry an hour later for dinner. I didn’t have many friends. Like Drano to Cocaine, the milk works great to “cut” the cookie down so you don’t feel like you’re eating as much of it and it lubed the throat making copious amounts of consumption possible. This is necessity #3; a sponge for the milk.
I could find other reasons why the cookie in the Oreo is a necessary evil, but this post is making me hungry for an Oreo and I need to wrap it up. Plus I haven’t gotten to the topic. Nothing pleased me more than to hear that Nabisco was releasing a new cookie. Something they call a Triple Double Oreo. 35 years of prayers were finally answered. Visions of 2 cookies (double) on either side of a triple layer of cream filling appeared in my mind’s eye. Imagine, being able to remove 1 of those cookies from two Oreos and then squishing them together to form 6 layers of Oreo cream between 2 of those nasty cookies. A quick Google search squashed those dreams in a real big hurry. The double is the cream, and the triple is the cookie?
What the heck are they doing? How could Nabisco get it so wrong? First they stop using trans-fat and now they add an extra cookie. They should be trying to eradicate that pesky cookie all together. Like the meat on a Big Mac they should have been making that cookie smaller and thinner every year but NOOOOOO they add a third cookie to the mix. It’s exactly like the Big Mac except the cream is the beef and the cookie is the bun…all 3 buns. Yuck.
One may say this is not a fair review of the Triple Double Oreo because I haven’t eaten one. I don’t need to. It’s stupid. We all know what that cookie taste like. It’s gross and to add a 3rd one is not only evil to the core, but completely unnecessary. Nabisco, your Triple Double Oreo earns 0 Stars from me. I hope you pull your head out as soon as possible and give the public what it demands instead of schlock like this.
Friday, May 20, 2011 JustJim