Tuesday, May 31, 2011
MeatWad
Wow, times have changed. 15 to 20 years ago I measured my manliness with the universal question every aspiring high school meat-head asks “whatcha bench?” The answer to this little question pretty much defined your place in the world and your status among men, as far as I was concerned. That being said, please don’t assume I was a heavy hitter. My max bench as a lad was 225lbs, but with my meager frame, I considered it a metric ton and owned it like a king.
Over the years, my associates have changed. No longer do I spend my days with Everlast wearing, mullet clad, monsters. Now I live among the those socially inept brainiacs that spent the majority of their college careers in Unix labs and solving multi-variable calculus equations. Needless to say, they don’t bench. To them, bench work is a description of a PC tear down for a hardware upgrade. Hence, our manner of mockery and trash talking is a little different than it used to be. Our manly measuring stick has moved out of the bathroom and into the office, where terabytes rule and the number of cores you sport are the essence of your bragging rights.
Now you may understand my excitement when I discovered last Friday that CableOne has made 50 Mb internet available at my home. I didn’t walk, I ran down and signed up. This was particularly amazing to me as I live in a run down piece of no-man’s land where Qwest still only supports 1.5Meg DSL service. I had that service for years until 2 months ago when I couldn’t take it any longer. I switched to 10 meg service with Cableone, and was tickled with the upgrade, I’m ecstatic with where I’m sitting now. I’ve been the butt of more snail mail jokes than I can express, but those days are long gone baby.
The service itself has been fantastic so far. Speed tests come in right at 50 Meg down and sit at about 2.5 meg up. My Netflix streaming looks great and comes in HD. If I admitted to streaming internet porn, I could offer a rating of how that experience changed. Since I don’t (admit it) I’ll just say that you could probably get 5-10 vids going simultaneously. Your sick granny fetish has never streamed so fast or with such vivid resolution.
I already had a Docsis3 modem, so I didn’t need an upgrade there, so I’m just tickled all the way around. The cream on top is the fact that because I signed a one year contract, I’m actually saving $8 a month from what I was paying for 10 Meg service. There is a 50 gig download limit per month so that might be an issue for some. I actually go outside on occasion so it isn’t an issue for me. Also, there isn’t any throttling like the olden days of cable, so you indeed get the speed you pay for.
Like I said, the actual service is great, but the bragging rights are worth way more to me than the actual bandwidth. After switching I have been to virtually every cube in my work area laughing, mocking, and teasing everyone else for their painfully slow connections. Yeah, I’m an uber geek, but when you are “Rollin’ fitty” like I am, you gotta talk a little trash. I haven’t been on top of the technology totem for many years and this feels great.
I ask guys that have 40 Meg service if they need me to download something for them and bring it in on disk. I ask the guys with 7-10 Meg service if maybe Obama has a subsidy program for the less fortunate like themselves. Then, for those poor bastards that pull a meager 3 Meg..well let’s just say that making fun of them is like making fun of the mentally handicap, you just shouldn’t do it. Somebody’s got a brother, sister, or family member with the same problem and you going to hit a nerve. It’s just not safe for the workplace.
Fitty Meg rocks. Fitty Meg rules. Fitty Meg came to me like a shining star on a black as pitch night. I have seen the top of the mountain, and it is good. I just may get some vanity plates that say “50MEG” for my ’05 Hyundai...... ‘cause Fitty Meg is how I roll. Deal with it.
5 comments:
You should have read the fine point in your contract. You will notice that after your year is up your 50mb connection goes away and you get a 5mb connection at the same price as what your paying. So basically they give you the super fast speed for a year then take it away and guess what you can't get back your 10mb connection because they don't offer it anymore. I am assuming they are doing this because they want to conserve on bandwidth in the long run. I decided to keep my grandfathered in 10mb plan.
The absurdity of your statement made me check my data and call Cableone just as a matter of due diligence. They said you probably just had an old contract that they forgot to write the 0 in after the 5 as they did with mine. According to my phone conversation, after a year, the price to stay month to month with 50Meg service is $50/month, it drops to $45 if you sign another 1 year contract. The 50Gig monthly limit is how they are conserving bandwidth. They aren’t going to give you a puppy, let you play with it, and then take it from you right after you get attached….and by puppy I mean porn, and by attached, I mean hooked on bavariangasmask.com
Cableone is a dirty company. This is what they are doing. First off, they quit offering the 10mb connection. The people who currently have it are grandfathered in until they move or change their service. Once you loose it you loose it for good. If you try the 50mb connection it has a 50gb cap. If you exceed your cap, your paying extra for each gig over. You don't have a choice, they automatically take it out of your bank because you are forced to have auto-pay to have the 50mb connection. If you decide you don't like it, you can't go back to your 10mb account. In this day and age, everyone streams video. It doesn't take long to use up 50gb watching youtube,netflix or many other online video streaming applications, then they got you. What a dirty rotten company. They are able to do this because competing companies are not allowed in. If many people write to their elected representatives, maybe something will change. For now, the criminals at cableone are free to do what they want. Stay away from cableone.
That’s not the half of it. I happen to know that Cableone is responsible for the Holocaust, 9/11, blood diamonds, Vietnam, acne, smelly balls, and dandruff.
Write you elected representatives??..Hell…I say grab your torch and pitchforks. Let’s bring this puppy down!
Anonymous, your “dissertation” on the evils of Cableone is extremely long, jaded and basically makes me want to stab myself in the eye with a fork just to make it stop. If you are going to waste space on my site, at least throw a little humor betwixt your inaccurate, incoherent ramblings.
Fact: If you go beyond your 50gb cap in the first 3 months, Cableone will refund the difference.
Fact: If you go beyond your 50gb cap in the first 3 months, you can CANCEL your 50 meg service and are released from your contract for FREE giving you back that horse and buggy you love so much.
Fact: If you use more the 50gb/month and have less than 5 internet users in the household, maybe you should consider suspending your monthly subscription to felchinggrannies.com you sick bastard!
Sell crazy someplace else.
I have been on Cable One's 50mbps plan for a little over a month. In two words, it sucks. This may not be the case for everyone, but I live in a small town, and was informed by one of their technicians that our area is in need of upgrades and has been neglected. Trying to play online games with this internet is almost like trying to play with a dial up connection. We have had 3 outages in one month. Youtube videos have to buffer and it's just very inconsistent with high ping. I may be going back to 1.5 mbps dsl. At least it's consistent garbage.
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