Wednesday, February 02, 2011
Matt
If you haven't seen MegaPiranha
...get on it.Dinoshark
? Totally awesome.Who could forget Mansquito?? An instant classic.
Then they really upped the ante when their monster classics started showing in pairs. Megashark vs Crocosaurus
!! I'm pulling out an oldie but goody here...Bitchin!!I hope you know that when I call these movies awesome...I really mean that they are awesomely terrible in every way. In a 3-way race against Porn and Saved by the Bell, the leading roles in Porn and Dustin Diamond would generally garner the best acting nominations. (hah...he was in both--trick question)
The special effects in these Syfy movies appear to have been created on a TI-85. (by a 3rd grader)
The plots are slightly more interesting than a Twilight movie.
And yet....I love them. The cardinal man rule for watching television states that you MUST stop and watch any time you run across the following movies:
Any Mad Max film.
Waterworld.
Terminator 2.
Rambo *.*
Rocky 4.
I am now nominating these terrible Syfy movies for your consideration into "must-watch" TV by dictate of the man-laws.
To my great surprise, this past weekend on Syfy had everything you could want in a B-movie and more.
Super Monsters---check
Bad Acting---check
Women in scantily clad clothing---check
Special effects courtesy of Richmond high school A/V crew---check
80's pop music icons---Double check!!
Yes..you read this right. In this special engagement, Debbie Gibson and Tiffany are both in this feature film.
(To be honest, one of my first cassette tape purchases was from Tiffany...although I always considered Debbie to be much hotter.)
In this movie, Gibson plays an environmental tree-hugger, and Tiffany is an anti-environmental loudmouth. In order to save the Florida----you know what?? I'll spare you the plot. It would just confuse the awesomeness of the show.
A couple notes that won't spoil the movie for you that have yet to watch it.
Tiffany tries to over-compensate her "pre Biggest Loser" body by showing no less than 9 inches of cleavage at any given time. I suppose she thought that it would pull your eyes away from her triple-axe handle-wide ass.
Gibson is the complete opposite of Tiffany. She appears to be a recovering anorexic who's fallen off the wagon. She's kind of looks like a semi-attractive Skeletor in a tight white dress.
The supporting cast is so bad that literally hurt my guts. Their presence has basically no bearing on the plot. If Ron Jeremy came out and started riding one of the gators in his underwear, I wouldn't have blinked twice. It would have fit right in.
The most exciting moment of the show occurs when Granny Clampett (one of the cops) pulls out a six-shooter and takes out a 90 foot gator. Nicholas Cage would have been proud.
I don't even know how the movie starts or ended as my brain kind of goes into a state of shutdown in the non-action sequences of the movie. I don't think it really matters.
Please set your DVR for this show as I'm sure it will be showing on Syfy for weeks to come. Especially if it is your dream to see Gibson and Tiffany in a full-on scantily dressed girl fight.
I gave Mega Python Vs. Gatoroid 2 stars in a love/hate vote. I hated this show with the passion of a Mel Gibson audio tirade...and yet I couldn't look away. In fact, if this were to be on tonight...I'd stop and watch.
I'm still confused why it wasn't called Mega Pythons vs. Gatoroids as there were damn reptiles all over the place.
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