Grizzly Man Movie Review

Documentaries have become very chic in the last decade.  Most people have heard of popular titles such as Bowling for Columbine, the March of the Penguins, and the ever popular Man who writes (supposedly)humorous reviews on blog which nobody reads. (my personal favorite)

Soaring box office receipts are probably the main driver for the greater number of documentaries.  I'm not complaining though.  There are many good documentaries which have to be better than any new offering in the Twilight series.  In fact, a documentary about how many women have left their husbands because the men couldn't live up to image of Edward Cullen would be better than a Twilight movie. (If you're interested in collaborating with me on this project, contact me at teamJacoballtheway@gmail.com)

My personal favorite documentary of the last few years is the King of Kong.  Drama, video games, arcades, and molestor mustaches---a proven recipe for a good time.

I had read a little bit about Grizzly Man, and was fairly excited to see it.  Let me tease it thus:  Man lives among grizzly bears...carnage and death are caught on camera(kind of)...voice-overs reminiscent of Arnold Schwarznegger in Conan the Barbarian.  Sounds like a barn-burner right?  Wrong.

The documentary follows the story of Timothy Treadwell, a man who lived among the grizzly bears in Alaska for many years.  He filmed many hours of his experience, and ended up being killed by a bear in 2003.  The movie tries to paint a picture about why he lived among the bears, and his mental state regarding his situation.  Treadwell is kind of mix of Richard Simmons, Patrick Swayze, Bear Grylls, and Captain Kangaroo.

SPOILER ALERT----Whoops.  The paragraph above is a spoiler.  A dude who lived with grizzly bears died.  Didn't see that one coming.

Werner Herzog is the film-maker, and is actually quite good....just not in this flic.  He is constantly giving his personal opinions during the movie.  He voices over at just about every slight break in the film.

His voice is a dead ringer for Conan the Barbarian, and I was waiting for him to say "It's not a tumor" at the drop of a hat.  I personally don't care what some random German thinks about a dude living with bears.  Let me see the tape, and I'll make up my own mind what kind of person Treadwell is.

Herzog also scored a gigantic FAIL in his choice for interviews.  The interviews felt so forced and prepared.  I literally thought I was watching an episode of Reno 911 at times.  Add this to the fact that a few of the interviews were with actual lunatics.  A local pilot and the coroner were especially funny.  They describe events like a Grandpa telling a story around the campfire.  How the film-maker kept a straight face during these moments seems impossible.
A particular interview shows the coroner giving Treadwell's ex the watch he was wearing when he died.  The exchange was set up just for the movie, and is ridiculous.  The coroner slowly cuts open the evidence bag and hands the ex the watch.  She mentions how it is still running, and then tears flow while creepy coroner dude tries to force conversation.  It is ridiculous.  I half expected David Caruso to enter stage right, and say "Treadwell took a licking, but couldn't keep ticking," followed by the Who breaking in with a theme song.

Actual film clips from Timothy Treadwell were actually quite interesting.  His personality and video was far more insightful than other clips of interviews and monologue by the film-maker.  His interactions with the animals make for real drama.

They discuss his death in the first 10 minutes of the show, ruining any sort of suspense as to his mindset or situation leading up to the event.  In fact, the whole story would have been better suited as an A&E 30 minute special rather than a 90 minute film.

In fact, I believe there is such interest in his story mainly BECAUSE of his death.  If he were still visiting the bears during the summer, his reality show would air sometime after Survivorman, and before Mantracker.  This current season would probably have Snooki living just up the valley from his tent.

This movie felt like a distant cousin of Into the Wild.  I suggest the latter, as it is a much more interesting picture.

Obviously I in the minority with my irritation and dislike of this movie.  It garners a 93% rating on rotten tomatoes, and is considered to be one of the best documentaries of the last decade.  I'm also late with the review as the movie came out many years ago.  Let's just say the stars aligned, and my free preview of the Sundance channel accomodated this review.

I give the movie 2 stars, solely for the footage shot by Treadwell himself.  It was far more engaging than the rest of the movie, which I call Conan the Snoozebarian.

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L'Oréal Eye Defense Moisturizer Review

I recently turned 35 years old.  Yes, I am a 35 year old man who writes on a blog. (and no, I don't play WOW....much)  I have officially left the 18-34 age group that advertisers covet.  I carry around a slight belly.  I get more excited about refinancing to a 15 year loan than at sporting events.  I know what the abbreviations and numbers mean when I get any blood work done.  But the worst deal about getting old is the continual breakdown and deterioration of my body.
Wrinkles, hair, and unsightly blemishes appear daily on every inch of my body.  The grey hair is spreading like weeds, and I generally stay away from any type of scale.  I am fighting a losing battle against an unbeatable foe.

I wish I could look younger.  Oh sure, I could sport a chin strap and wear baggy pants that show some vertical smile, but you've seen those guys with their kids at the mall...and think, "what a dick." 
I'm slowly learning to accept that gravity works negatively with old people and skin. (the only exception are male naughty bits...gravity seems to have no effect here)

One area of my body that is constantly degrading is around my eyes.  I don't sleep well, so every morning I wake up looking like Lindsay Lohan after a rough prison stay.  My eyes are all puffy, and sometimes I can sport some sweet dark circles underneath as well.

What can a man do in this situation??  Wear his wife's makeup of course!!

Let me just put this out there--I have rarely put makeup on my face unless a Halloween costume was involved.  There may have been a couple unsightly zits on my nose that needed a little base to disguise, but other than that, I go au naturale.

Recently, I had an extremely rough night for sleep.  The next tired morning, I stood in front of the mirror in the bathroom in my full naked glory waiting for the shower to warm up.  My wife walked in and quickly shielded her eyes while bile filled her throat.
It wasn't just because of the usual disgust at my body, but at the poor condition around my eyes.  She held back the dry heaves long enough to suggest I try a moisturizer around the eyes.  I laughed at the silly suggestion, and took a shower.
Little did she know that after I got out of the shower, I decided to try the moisturizer.  It didn't feel as creepy as I expected.  A little dab under the eyes, and I was off to work.
Much to my surprise, the bags under my eyes looked much better later that morning.  Was it the moisturizer?  Was it just a little time for my face to wake up?

The moisturizer is from Loreal. (It's really spelled L'Oréal, but I don't kowtow to Frenchies, and their uppity apostrophes)  It is called eye defense, and it is not cheap.  A small jar will run you 12-15 bucks, but will last quite some time. (unless your husband is sneaking it)

I continue to use this product whenever my eyes look really hammered. (2x a week or so)  It seems to work well with my puffy eyes, but don't help my raccoon marks much.

Is this the case of the emperor's new clothes?  Does Loreal and the mirror at my work just tell me I look great to make me feel better?  Do I enjoy using women's makeup products to get in touch with my feminine side?  Does this review touch upon male nudity a tad too much?
The answer to these questions is probably yes, and I'll continue to use the eye defense regardless. (perhaps I should send some to Lindsay in prison)
I give Loreal Eye Defense three fancy stars.

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Inception review

Before I see a movie I do my best to avoid reviews. Ironic, considering I "work" for a review site. I just don't want the review to taint my moviegoing escape. It's amazing how much word-of-mouth (positive or negative) affect my experience. There are times that I actually like mediocre movies because they're not as low as the expectations I set for them after hearing bad reviews.

Inception is a film that I tried to avoid reading any press. Though when you surf the web, trying to waste time at work, it is unavoidable for me to miss the reviews. On the whole, they have been very positive and I realized there is no way that a movie can live up to it. Don't get me wrong, I have a man-crush on Christopher Nolan's brain and he hasn't let me down before. His recent films didn't let me down, like Batman Begins, The Prestige, and the Dark Knight managed to exceed the hype. But Inception couldn't measure up as well, could it?

Absolutely.

I saw this movie on midnight before it opened. I have realized that I'm getting too old for midnight movies. (especially ones that are 2 hrs 40 mins) My coworkers try to avoid my glance for fear that I burn their souls with my glazed-over bloodshot eyes.

I hate to sound cliche and say that Inception is a smart movie. So I'll take it one step further and call it "cerebral." It really gets in your head and leaves you thinking about it days after seeing it. I honestly can't say that about any other movie I've seen this summer. As soon as Prince of Persia and Iron Man 2 ended, I forgot that I even saw them. Inception has an incredibly complex plot, which could very well confuse many, but you can actually notice that every line of dialogue, every action scene is done on purpose, not just thrown together.

No other director would be able to pull a movie like this off. Michael Bay would have the buildings bending in on each other and the heroes fleeing in a futuristic car chase. James Cameron would tell you that the dream world is pure and Leonardo Dicaprio would start mating with his dreams through his dredlock. I can rant some more, but I should stop myself. Christopher Nolan wrote this film. It's an original idea and it actually worked on-screen. (eat that M. Night Shymalan) This seals Nolan as my favorite director. How could it not with a resume of Memento, Batman Begins, Insomnia, Prestige, Dark Knight, and now Inception.

The acting is also top notch. By default I have hated Leo Dicaprio because of Titanic. Though when the Departed was released my opinion changed slightly. Now he has two great films this year, including Shutter Island. Yes, he may look like a rat, but he's got the acting chops. Joseph Gordon Leavitt, who some of you may remember from 3rd Rock from the Sun, is just plain cool in his role of the Point Man. (Wonder if French Stewart is looking to make a comeback) This role and 500 days of Summer have put him up there for "bright young stars." I was worried about Ellen Page (Juno) playing the typecast character with quick quips and funny observations about daily life, but thankfully she was very toned down, heck, I even thought she did a good job as well.

The movie trailers are confusing and I don't blame people for being turned off about the movie. Basically (there is nothing basic about it) Dicaprio is the most skilled extractor of secrets through people's dreams. It's basically corporate espionage but the person he's stealing from has no idea because it all takes place in their dream. He is about to get out of the business but there is an opportunity of "one last job" where a corporation head wants Leo's team to use "inception" (which is planting an idea in someone's dreams). Being the "last job" it doesn't turn out very easy. From there it gets crazy. Let's just say that they go 4 dreams deep into their mark's subconscious.

It's definitely a movie that requires 2 viewings. But for geeks like me that is not a difficult demand. I'm not one of those nerds who gets into movie scores but the soundtrack of this movie feels like a symphony, perfectly placed with memorable scenes. I actually can't wait to see this movie again. It's nice to be rewarded with such an original film in a year of mediocre hollywood crap. Well done Christopher Nolan. Can't wait for Batman 3.

Inception receives a strong 5 star rating from me, but that could just be a trick of inception that Nolan put in my dreams. Ok ok, I'm done geeking out.

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High Sierra Hydration Backpack from Costco Review

The hydration backpack is a modern miracle of necessity meets convenience.  I can just imagine 20 years ago in the parking lot after a Padres game, 2 strangers run into each other while staggering back to their cars.  The first guy had one of those hard-hats that held 2 beer cans on each side with a straw that fed from both to the mouth.  The other walking with a beer bong wrapped around his neck.  The rest as they say...is history, and the hydration pack was created.
What they imagined would be a great way to smuggle beer into a ball-game, has now turned into a modern necessity for all outdoor sports enthusiasts around the world.  Dudes who shave their legs bike every day sporting a hydration pack.  Chicks who don't shave their legs hike into the mountains with hydration packs all around the world.
For years, the hydration pack market was owned by Camelbak.  In fact, I call every hydration pack a Camelbak as it is just easier to remember. (I also refer to my Zune as an IPOD, as it's better than actually explaining what a Zune is) 

But even 10 years ago, the Camelbak was very cost-prohibitive.  A very simple model would run you well over 40-50 bucks.  As a poor waiter at the Olive Garden, my tips from large parties of cheap women exchanging baby shower gifts would not pay for both tuition and luxuries such as a Camelbak.

Soon, cheaper models started popping up in Walmarts across the country.  Unfortunately, hoisting a backpack while simultaneously wearing a cutoff Levi-esque jacket with purple sweat bottoms was just too uncomfortable, so they didn't sell well.  A contributing factor to poor sales was that Milwaukee's best did not age well in the hydration packs.

On a completely separate and disgusting note, for those who don't want to spend the money on a expensive hydration pack, drinking your own urine is always an option.  (Bear Grylls says that you can drink your own urine 2-3 times before it becomes toxic.  Good thing too, as toxicity is always my first concern when ingesting urine)

While perusing Costco's "seasonal" offerings last year, I noticed an off-brand of hydration pack.  The manufacturer is High Sierra.  To the Camelbak elitists, buying a High Sierra hydration pack is akin to buying a Hyundai, or using Noodle golf balls.  While quality products, they don't carry the same name-brand cachet of a Camelbak.  (I'll admit, it's kind of embarrassing when a stranger walks up to your golf ball, and says "Is this your noodle?"  Why would you name a golf ball noodle?)
I decided to bite, as the pack seemed to be a good deal.  It was only 20 dollars, and had some decent options.  What could I lose for 20 bucks?  This was 3 to 4 times cheaper than a comparable Camelbak model.

My family now owns 3 of these packs, and after multiple trips with them, I feel comfortable giving the benefits and drawbacks of this pack.

The bladder holds 2 liters.  This would appear to be perfect to hold an entire bottle of Dr. Thunder, but alas..the manufacturer suggests against using soda in the pack.
The bladder appears to be pretty hardy.  In addition, the opening is quite large.  This aids in cleaning, and also getting liquid in the bladder.  The bladder is also surrounded by some sort of reflective material, thus keeping the liquid cold.
The pack has a decent amount of space.  There are multiple pockets to house your cell phones, pocketknives, and other items.  I found that I could fit large quantities of trail mix, beef jerky, peanut m&m's, Reese's peanut butter cups, and a 20-pack of Easter peeps.  Who wants to go hungry on the trail??
There are also a couple nice features on the pack.  There is a hideaway mesh flap which can be used for a bike helmet or a small child. (this is probably illegal)
Soft back-ridges let air circulate in order to cut down on the sweaty back syndrome.  For those of us that channel our inner Patrick Ewing in the heat, this is a plus.
There is a bike pump sleeve for flats, but I have found that the smaller cans of easy cheese also fit well in that spot.  Being able to get to the easy cheese without stopping on the trail is a big bonus.
Besides the shoulder straps, there is also a chest strap.  In addition, there are waist straps, but I didn't find them until my 2nd or 3rd trip as they are hidden in side pockets in case you don't want to use them.  It was like a late Christmas finding those bad boys.

The mouthpiece is a bite/suck model which can be used hands-free with the "docking station".  Besides begging for a double-entendre joke, the bite/suck mouthpiece works well.  In fact, the "straw/tube" thingy on the pack is insulated, also keeping the liquid a little cooler.


Oddly enough, this model isn't shown on the High Sierra web-page.  It's probably a Costco-only offering, so you'll have to be a member and check it out yourself before buying.

It is probably true that there are better and higher quality hydration packs on the market, especially if you are a hardcore outdoor enthusiast.  My idea of outdoor enthusiasm is mowing the lawn, thus this model completely fits the bill.  Plus, I still refer to it as my Camelbak.

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Knife Show Review

We are all familiar with the home shopping network and the wonderful array of fine quality items available for purchase right from the comfort of your own overused sofa. I’ve never given much attention to these kinds of stations, save the occasional mockery, but that has recently stopped. I’m somewhat enthralled by a fairly new shopping show call “Knife Show”.

I actually started watching it as a “goof” feigning interest to my wife and making fun of the red-necks that devote an entire, multi-hour show to nothing but knives. However, as I watched it several times, probably because this show seems to be on almost every night, I started to be entertained. The show itself has evolved along with my feelings about it. The first few times I watched it, I was amazed at how such horrible dialogue and camera work could be on anything other than public access, but I have to admit, it has gotten a little better. That being said, the informal nature of the show is sure to keep you smiling as it is definitely the “B-Horror film“ equivalent of home shopping.

Joe is bar far my favorite redneck host. He doesn’t bother with things like professional looking clothing or often, even the formality of sleeves, and he is definitely unafraid of mixing bathroom humor with his sales pitch. He lulls you into buying cutlery using his strongest southern drawl and colorful descriptions. For instance, he would never sell you a red folding knife. He would offer a “crimson-bone, tactical folder”. He wouldn’t sell a broadsword, he would show you “the Nightstalker, a Medieval, folded steel, claymore with oyster shell grip and herring bone inlays”. Now with a description like that, you would expect to pay $1000 to $1500, but I say nay-nay, on Knife show, its probably around eight bucks.

Interestingly enough, they have started selling groups of knives. Now I don’t mean a set of eight to ten, I mean one hundred to two hundred knives in a massive lot. Before watching this show, it had never occurred to me that I might want to buy a lot of 200 knives, but wow, they do make it look attractive. Most of the large lots have a average knife cost of less than one dollar, and they usually have swords and bowies and flip-locks and wildlife series and …….well, you get the picture. There’s a whole lotta knives for not that much cash. I can’t envision what I would do with that many knives, but I really want to buy some. I even called them once thinking that shipping was where they made back all their money. I mean, how can you sell any knife for less than a buck, let alone the “Dragon Warrior” and the 3-piece Daisho set? A small Tanto alone should fetch $2-$3 alone on the open market, one would think. Well, I called and the shipping on 200 knives was only about $30. What is going on here? How do they do it? If they were made of cardboard, they should still cost more. Hence my intrigue.

I give “Knife Show” 2 stars for mild redneck entertainment. They may seem like dullards on the exterior, but the fact that I am very close to pulling the trigger on a set of 30 3” tactical folders, 25 4” flip-blades, 15 Legends of Nascar series pocket knifes, a Samurai sword, an 18” Bowie, and a bone saw set must mean they are doing something right. For that I give another star. If they throw in a black pearl straight razor and a Dr.‘s knife combo set…I’m sold.

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Wrigley's 5 React Gum Review

I like to develop a monogamous relationship with my gum.  Very rarely do I let my eyes wander to a younger, flashier gum.  I find that if a gum supports me through my most intimate moments in life, it should be rewarded by being placed in my front pocket 24/7.
Oh sure...when I was a kid, I was a gum whore.  I'd slip anything into my mouth.  Juicy Fruit, Doublemint, Fruit Stripe...I made the rounds.

I settled down with Wrigley's Extra through my school years. (Dark blue pack--Winterfresh)  I usually ate a half a piece at a time, and would give the other half to my friend who sat in front of me in English.  His breath bore a unique resemblance to La Choy soy sauce.  He thought I was just friendly with the gum.  I actually shared because I wanted to stop my eyes from watering every time he said "Whaaaat's the aaaanswer" in slow motion while breath fumes accelerated acne reproduction.

Our relationship was solid, but I hit a mid-life gum crisis a few years ago and gave Stride Winterblue a try.  From the instant Stride met my lips, I knew we were meant to be together.  I dropped Extra, and for the most part haven't looked back.  From time to time I'll hook back up with Extra.  Sometimes it's really hard to ditch your ex.
Stride had everything I wanted in a gum. Taste, texture, long-lasting flavor, and I can chew it for a couple hours without my jaw feeling like I spent 2 hours at the dentist.  Plus I don't have to "pop" my gum out of a medicine-like tray.

Unfortunately, my gum-libido got the best of me.  On a recent trip to the grocery store, I was perusing the aisles for my dinner needs.  Walking by the candy aisle, I saw Wrigley's 5 gum.   I'd seen 5 gum before in the grocery store trying to pick up on anyone that walked by.  Flashy packaging...who knows what 5 is carrying??

But as I got closer, I noticed that this was not the normal 5 gum.  This was a new flavor called React.  In fact, there were 2 different flavors called React.  One was a tropical fruit, and the other was a mint.  I'd never seen these 2 new flavors, and the mint version managed to sweet talk its way into my shopping cart.

Here is the nitty gritty on the new React flavor from Wrigley's 5 gum.
Taste--It is quite pleasant.  Not too over-powering at first, and has the trademark Wrigley's long-lasting flavor.
Jaw Soreness--After 90 minutes of chewing, I spit the gum out...not because my jaw hurt, but because I just didn't want gum anymore.  I spit instead of swallowing my gum.
Packaging--This is a nice feature of the gum.  People might think you have a new mp3 player or something in its flashy packaging.  Let's just hope you don't get confused and plug your headphones into the package.
Texture--This is where I ran into problems.  Extra gum was just a little too "squishy" for me.  Sometimes I'd find a stray clump of gum between teeth when I flossed that night, or it broke apart too easy in my mouth.  Stride excels in this area.  Stride is a gum that sticks together.

I'm sorry Stride....It was a momentary lapse in judgement.  I can't promise to be with you forever, but I can tell you that 5 React gum was just a one-time deal.  Let's rent "The Proposal" at the Redbox and forget this ever happened OK?

Wrigley's 5 React (mint) gum is a worthy gum.  I'm positive that it will find the right person to spend its life with---but that person isn't me.  3 chewy stars.

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Metal Gear Solid 4 review

Join me for the year of our Lord 1998. I was still in high school and was one of the lankiest skeleton dorks you would have ever seen. I wasn’t incredibly popular with the ladies because I had more important things on my mind…the Playstation. By that time I had been an avid nerd for at least a year, no small thanks to Final Fantasy VII. For Christmas my mom assisted me in my abstinence by getting me a new game called Metal Gear Solid.

Metal gear Solid was one of the greatest games I had ever played. Your character, Solid Snake (don’t ask me), tried to infiltrate a military compound on an Island and defeat a nuke-launching robot called Metal Gear Rex. I could write a thesis (C- quality) on why that game was so cool. As an example, during one boss battle with a psychic who flings furniture at you and cannot be touched, you actually have to take the controller out of its port and plug it into the second player port, then he can’t read your mind. For the dorks out there who experienced that, I bet you still get the chills from that.

Basically this was a game that raised the bar.

Flash forward 12 years to the present. No longer a skinny skeleton but I digress. My wife recently “let” me get a PS3 and the first game I got was Metal Gear Solid 4.

It seems silly that I’m reviewing a game that came out over 2 years ago, but you’re gonna have to live with it.

Metal Gear Solid 4 takes place 10 years after the “first” game (there are 2 previous incarnations on the original Nintendo). Snake’s body has aged quickly and he is very old and near death but sent on one last mission to finally take down his nemesis/brother Liquid Ocelot. To tell you anything more about the story would just confuse you and makes the plot of “Lost” seem plausible.

I know that if you never played these games or don’t like games in general, you haven’t read this far. These games have always consisted of half-game/half-movie cut scenes. I warn you not to play if you only have 15 minutes to relax. Some of the cut scenes can go for 30 minutes. For fans, these movies are the coolest thing ever, though some of the scenes are very Japanese (i.e. WTF?).

One exceptional moment in this game (I’m going to geek out here, so bear with me) is when you actually get to control the Metal Gear Rex and have a missile battle with Metal Gear Ray (from Metal Gear Solid 2). I could not wipe the smile off of my face, I literally felt like I used a time machine and went back to the carefree days of being 17. This game closes off the series and gives Metal Gear fans everything they could want. It’s kind of like the 3rd season of Arrested Development, where every joke was an inside joke meant for the fans but not for anyone who picked it up at that point.

The gameplay was as smooth as it has ever been. The graphics cannot be beat. The story actually closed loose ends. I wish all games were this good. Though if they were, I would be a lot poorer and probably divorced.

Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots gets 5 silver stars and makes me happy that I still haven’t matured since the age of 17.
“Impressive Snake!”

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