Getting Shut Down by the Federal Reserve review

Aside from being a professional unpaid blogger, I actually do have a day job. I work at a bank. Shamefully I use up a fair amount of my day job by blogging and reviewing. Efficiency at its core. I have worked at a community bank for the past several years and have all the diseases from touching money to prove it.

A few months back we got word that the bank I work for wasn't doing so hot. We lost half of our capital and had a ton of foreclosed homes to get rid of. The management at the bank kept assuring us that "everything will be just fine." I never gave the security of my job a second thought because I had recently graduated from college (finally) and was looking to escape my job and find a career. Many news reports went out about my bank possibly going under and customers would panic and ask if their money was OK. By ruling of my superiors we were told to tell customers that "everything will be just fine."

Blame was flying left and right. Some blamed the bad economy for the bank's situation. Others blamed the bank general manager. Democrats still blamed Bush. (let it go people) I was still looking for another job.

So two weeks ago on Friday I went to work like it was any other day. The day progressed and I argued with a lady who wanted Guam quarters(has anybody ever been to Guam? No.), cashed in some coin for a guy who carried it in a old church sock, and checked my facebook. Just a typical day at work. All of a sudden, ten minutes before closing time, two guys in suits walk straight into my branch manager's office. We feared the worst, but didn't quite expect it. We heard rumors that another bank was going to buy us out, or that an investor was going to bring millions in capital to the bank to save us.

At 6:00 that night we found out that the Fed was shutting us down. No one was willing to buy us and the Fed wasn't willing to let the bank be saved. Within an hour the bank was swarming with goons from the FDIC who informed us that we had a job for 30 more days and that would be it. The bank would only be open so we could close everyone's accounts.

We all understand how important our money is, but just imagine a senile old man who already believes the government is wiretapping his phones, coming into the bank in a panic thinking that he's not gonna get his money. This is what we deal with even when there isn't a crisis.

So for the last two weeks our branch has been swarming with FDIC lackies who are cataloging everything so we don't steal a space heater. Not to get ornery but it's funny that people from the FDIC are there to answer people's questions about anything but when they are asked they just refer them to a FDIC hotline. Typical government.

What makes me the most angry about this whole situation is that I never got to quit the bank and leave in a blaze of glory. For every long standing job I like to walk away and flip the bird the my former place of employment. Now, I'll never get that chance, it flipped me the bird. I'll share with you my analogy for my experience the past few months. It's like I was dating this girl for a very long time. But for the past few months I wanted to dump her because I didn't care for her anymore. I never got the chance but I always planned on it. Then one day...........she DIES! I go to the funeral and everyone apologizes to me and says how sad they are. But I feel like I don't have closure because I will forever be the widower, but secretly planned to break up with her. No closure, it sucks.

When a bank is closed down after 120 years it is definitely a downer. Losing my job in this economy is even worse. Now where am I going to blog?

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Mt. Dew Throwback Review

Mt. Dew Throwback is what I’m reviewing today. In case you don’t know, about 20 years ago or so, the soda manufacturers switched from using sugar as a sweetener in their products to High Fructose Corn Syrup. I don’t know why, but I’m willing to bet it was because it was cheaper. Well guess what? The Pepsi bottling company in Mexico never switched and is still using sugar today and glass bottles if you want to believe that. What they’ve found is that people travel from all over the USA to get it made with sugar the way God intended.

With all this in mind, Pepsi went ahead last April and released Mt. Dew Throwback and also Pepsi Throwback, which was their regular formula but sweetened with sugar. They didn’t market it very well and the packaging made it almost impossible to see that it was something new or different and it didn’t do very well. However, by popular demand (by those who had discovered it last April), it is back for another limited run. From December 29 until February 22 you can buy it. Better still they changed the packaging to what it was back in the 70’s and 80’s for both Mt. Dew and Pepsi.

My two favorite sodas are Pepsi and Diet Mt. Dew so I went on the search for Pepsi Throwback but so far have only found Mt. Dew Throwback. Admittedly, I haven’t looked very hard. I don’t really like Mt. Dew, but I don’t think they’ll be making Diet Mt. Dew Throwback (“Now with Real Saccharine”) any time soon, so I went ahead and bought a 12-pack of 12-ounce cans of Mt. Dew Throwback.
I have to give one star for the packaging. I’m a sucker for retro stuff and being a teenager of the 80’s (yes I have lots and lots of Thompson Twins on my iPod and yes I had a hair-tail in 1986, but I digress), I was very excited to see the old mountain man on the cover of the box. The Pepsi Throwback is similarly retro.

I have to give one star for just the balls of the whole thing. In a world where the fast food industry is being blamed for people dying of obesity-related diseases and the government trying to add an extra tax to sugared sodas and outlawing Trans-fat, God bless Pepsi for saying “Well I do believe all you whiney little cry babies can go to hell, we’re going to make this with real frick’n sugar”. The way things were heading you would have thought they would have tried to sweeten it with carrot juice or something, but no. Sugar. A substance that most agree if discovered today would not be approved by the FDA, is making a comeback.

They miss out on a star because I would have liked to see it in a glass bottle. I mean why not? Well, ok, fine, don’t put it in a bottle because cans are fine, but why not the old fashioned pull-off tabs on top of the can. Remember those? That would have been awesome, but they didn’t do either so no star there.

They miss out on a star because it’s for a limited time only. Why? Put it out there and if it sells it sells and if it doesn’t it doesn’t. Warning us that this is for a limited time only makes me use my entire house payment so I can stock up on it. That is if it’s any good.

This leads to the last possible star. Is it any good? I got the 12-pack home and put it in the fridge, placing two cans into the freezer. 20 minutes later I cracked open a now very chilled can of Mt. Dew Throwback and took a swig. I didn’t like it. Well, I mean it didn’t seem like that big of a deal. I finished the can and within a few minutes had really bad heartburn. I drank a second can just to see, but didn’t like it either. Today I cracked opened a third can and guess what? It was so frick’n good. It was so good that I remembered the Garlic Sauce pizza I had the night before which was probably the real source of the heartburn. I guess I just wasn’t in the mood last night for it, but wow. It was good. It had no aftertaste. It went down smooth. It was hands down the best soda I’ve ever had. So for that they get a star.

What is that one, two, three. OK. I give Mt. Dew Throwback three stars. I highly recommend you go out and try it since it’s going away. I hope maybe a throwback generation 3 comes out where it’s in 16-ounce glass bottles, pull-tab cans and not for a limited time. That would be cool.


I’m going to try the Pepsi Throwback just as soon as I can find some and I’ll let you know how that stacks up. I guess Coke could do the ultimate Retro Coke and sweeten it with Cocaine again. That would really be stick’n it to the man.

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Beyonce's "Single Ladies" Video Review

I, like most of you, was disgusted with Kanye West when he stormed the stage during the VMA’s to tell Taylor Swift that Beyonce’s video should have won and was “the best video of all time“. Watching the speechless Taylor get cut off during her acceptance speech evoked powerful emotions of sympathy for this poor young girl…. who also happens to make more money in a week than I make in 10 years, even after 7 years of Engineering College. She also has experienced more fame and notoriety for her accomplishments than, statistically speaking, everyone else in the entire world. My point is, it was a little uncomfortable, and ridiculously rude on Kanye’s part, but we all went a little overboard on an event that gave her tons of press and public support. I bet if they would have scanned the crowd for her manager, he would have been grinning ear to ear throughout the entire ordeal. But I digress, the real crux of this is the fact that at the time of this great injustice, I asked my wife what video Kanye was even talking about, and after 2 seconds of searching on Youtube.com, I found it.

Now the tough part, Kanye kind of had a point. I haven’t quite put my finger on what the exact element of interest is, but “Single Ladies” by Beyonce may be the most intriguing music video I’ve ever seen. I have no previous “mad love” for Beyonce, but I can’t seem to quit watching this video. Basically, it is 3 attractive ladies dancing together in a grayscale video. But the dance moves are uncharacteristic of what I have seen before, and I watch both “Dancing with the Stars” and “So You Think You Can Dance”. Ummm…I mean, my wife watches them and I see bits and pieces between MMA fights and College Football. The moves are all jerky and bouncy and all kinds of lovely. That would be my technical description anyhow.

It isn’t just a sex thing either. Oh, Beyonce is beyond hot and her gyrations do make me tingle, but that is nothing I haven’t seen before. The unique quality of the background flashing from black to white, the attitude, and that infectious “Shoulda put a ring on it” line have penetrated my soul….and that little grin she does 2 sec before the video ends, yeah buddy! Now that I have adequately revealed the level of my freakiness, it is all the worse if you consider the fact that I am true mountain trash at my core and rarely listen to anything other than hair bands of the 80’s intermixed with Metallica. Until now, that is.

My infatuation with this video has almost gotten me into marital trouble. I am pretty sure if my wife catches me watching this video again, she will block my access to YouTube. I have officially gone to underground viewing. I can’t put my finger on it, but put this one right up there with the lobster scene from the movie “Flashdance” fellas, it‘s fandamntastic. A got your back on this one Kanye, rude bastard that you are, this video is one of the best of all time. The YouTube spoofs aren’t bad either.

Here is the link: "Single Ladies", enjoy….and if you don’t “feel me” on your first viewing, watch it again….you’ll see.

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McDonald's Mac Snack Wrap Review

Throughout the ages, man has tried to mix different things together to come up with something better.  I call it fusion.  Human resource managers call it synergy.

Thinking back, I can recall many successes.
Orange + Peach + Mango Dole juice = Delicious.
Neil Diamond + Christmas Music = Heartwarming.
Wendy's Fries + Dip in Frosty = Astounding.
Tinkers + Evers + Chance = Historic.
Peanut Butter + Celery = The only way humanly possible to eat celery.

Unfortunately, there has also been utter failures throughout history.  I list just a few.
Garth Brooks + Alternative music = Chris Gaines.
Michael Jordan + Baseball = Fail.
Spencer Pratt + Heidi Montag = Okay..they both suck, but when put together, the suckitude increases 100 fold.
Kenny Rogers + Plastic Surgery = Michael Myers from Halloween.
Work parties + alcohol = Lifelong regrets and terrible dancing.
Sweet pickles + tuna fish = My Grandma's horrible sandwiches.

Most of the products throughout time are not bad on their own.  But when mixed with something else, chaos can ensue.

This is the case of the McDonald's Mac Snack Wrap.

I like Big Mac's.  They take me back to my youth, when I would ride my bike with friends to McDonald's, get a Big Mac meal, and enjoy the secret saucey goodness. 
I'm just yanking your chain.  As a kid, my family was poor, and I never had any money. 
In fact, most of my Big Mac ingestion moments come in a time of depression when I need some comfort food.  I then look at myself in the mirror, and curse the day my chubby body was born.

Snack Wraps are good too.  Who doesn't like a good sandwich ported over to a wrap?  It's like you're eating healthier, but not really as they still pump the same amount of mayo on the wrap.

So McDonalds decides to take the Big Mac, and throw it into a wrap.  I'm just going to get this out of the way---it's terrible.
They take 1 patty from the sandwich, throw in some pickles and lettuce, and then top it with the Bic Mac secret sauce.  Did I mention that it is terrible?
It's not even what you'd expect it to taste like.  It's like a curveball of wrappy nastiness.

One positive--It's only $1.49.  So, you won't have to spend $4 on a baconator to get sick.  Just pick this bad boy up.

I truly was dissappointed.  It reminded me of my youth when I stopped by a taco-maker for a snack.  I was really craving an apple empanada.  It's like a crispy buritto, stuffed with semi-real reconstituted apples, fried, and then covered in cinnamon.
I paid my money, drove away, and pulled out the apple goodness.  The first bite drove me into something that can only be described as a Vietnam flashback.  In the place of the apples, there was bean burrito filling.  It was one of the cruelest jokes of my life.

McDonald's also plays a joke by mixing the Big Mac with the Wrap concept.  Stay away.

The Mac Snack Wrap gets a 1-star rating only because I still giggle every time I hear the word "secret sauce."

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Cryotherapy Removal of Skin Tags Review

Although not a deliberate attempt to make you throw up in your mouth, this review is gross and for that I’m somewhat sorry. My main goal was to spare you the experience I had and for that you should thank me.

I’m one of those people that, through no fault of their own, grow skin tags on their body. If you don’t know what a skin tag it is just a nub of skin that hangs off your body. If you don’t know what one looks like go do a Google search. I would personally rather spare you the image of a skin tag. They are harmless but they do tend to just keep growing. Fortunately, while some poor buggers get skin tags in their nether regions (the mommy and daddy parts) mine are limited to my neck and little niches here and there on my torso.

Here's a cute bunny rabbit to calm your nerves before you continue:

In my adult life I have been to the doctor 3 times to have skin tags removed. The first two times I went in, they looked at them and said, “Why don’t we just cut these suckers off” and that is exactly what they did. The bigger ones required a small injection of local anesthesia which was a quick, almost painless pinprick. The smaller ones they just lopped off which was also a quick and almost painless pinprick. Some bled, most didn’t. Bottom line, you went in, they cut off the biggest 20-30 of them and a week later you would never know they ever existed.

I’ve put off going for about 2 years now, but in recent months, a cluster of 3 tags right in the center of the back of my neck were causing me considerable discomfort. They were right where my t-shirt collar rubbed and it was pretty darn annoying. So I finally went in to get them removed. The doctor looked at them and said, “Let’s get these suckers frozen off.” Huh? Frozen? What?

Apparently this is the new fad in skin tag removal. It’s called Cryotherapy. The doctor filled a Styrofoam cup up with liquid nitrogen, had me take my shirt off and took a pair of plastic tweezers in hand and started. He would dip the tweezers into the cup where it would boil and gurgle for a while. When that noise would calm down he would remove the tweezers from the cup and pinch a skin tag with the frozen tips of the tweezers. He would hold it within its sub-zero grasp until the skin tag turned completely white and then would move on to the next one. Every few minutes he would re-dip the tweezers into the cup.

While doing this he was regaling me with the benefits of Cryotherapy removal of skin tags. Saying that it was much less painful, a doctor could do a larger number of them in one visit and they wouldn’t bleed. Some of this was surprising to me, especially the bit about being less painful. Perhaps I have a low threshold for pain but each and every one of these hurt like the dickens while he was pinching them with frozen tweezers. Let me jump ahead in the story and say that the only benefit he claimed this procedure had that ended up being true is he was able to take care of over 100 of them (far more than I even knew I had) but as you will soon see, that ended up not being a particularly good thing either.

Back to my visit to the doctor…after about ½ an hour he said, “OK, that should do it. Now these are going to blister, turn bright red, then black and then should just fall off within a week or two.” My brain could barely comprehend the words that had just come out of his mouth. In fact, a week later, I’m still struggling with the whole concept. I had no clue what he meant by “blister up” but I was soon to find out. Before putting my shirt back on I went and looked in the mirror. Every single one of them were now 3 times bigger than they were when I walked in. Also, instead of being flesh-colored and therefore somewhat hidden and discrete they were now all bright flaming red. In short I felt completely lit up like some grotesque Christmas tree from hell.

Here's are some pretty flowers to make up for that last paragraph:

When I went in to the doctor, two of my skin tags were quite large (about the size of a pea). One was on my neck, the other on my back. The one on my neck was now the size of a grape. I put my shirt on, walked out to my car, and when I sat down in my car, I instantly felt the back of my shirt get wet. Moments later I was hit with this smell that can only be described as moldy crotch-cheese. This, was undoubtedly the skin tag on my back. See when the doctor said blister, I was confused because I failed to conjure up the image of a sunburn blister, but that is exactly what they did. The skin around them filled up with yellowish fluid and expanded to make each tag appear to be 3 times their previous size. If you’ve ever had a sunburn blister and had it pop you also know that the smell is something akin to moldy crotch-cheese.

Not only did it hurt when he was freezing them, for the next 24 hours or so it felt like there were 100 needles being pressed into my neck, and oh ya, they all ended up popping and smelling. Try to remember that the reason I went into get them removed is because those 3 were rubbing and were uncomfortable. Now all 100 of them are rubbing and are uncomfortable. A week later they are still rubbing and are uncomfortable. Another reason I wanted them removed was they are gross looking and embarrassing, but at least they were skin colored. Now they are to the dark red stage and are very visible to the whole world. It’s as though they know they are going away (at least I hope to hell they will go away soon) and they want to get 2-3 years worth of embarrassment packed into 2-3 weeks time.

Again, sorry. Here's a nice rainbow to try counter the effects of the mental images I'm no doubt creating:

Today is one week since the procedure and I woke up with blood on the collar of my undershirt where some of the smaller ones are bleeding. So much for that benefit. Also the large one on my neck seems to have a small amount of puss oozing from it. I will end at this point, even though I am not done with them, but because this is where if the doctor had used the “Why don’t we just cut these suckers off” method, there would not be any sign that they ever existed. Undoubtedly they will turn black and fall off and that will be kind of fun having black pieces of dead flesh falling off of me. I’m kidding. No that is one of the most horrifying aspects of this whole thing.

Needless to say I give this method of skin tag removal a great big zero. If your doctor is opposed to using the “Why don’t we just cut these suckers off” method, then find one who isn’t. Cryotherapy is not the way to go.

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NBC's Tonight Show debacle review

Seventeen years ago, Johnny Carson was retiring as the most successful host of The Tonight Show. He was such an icon of late night that NBC was in a scramble to fill the void. David Letterman, the host of Late Night was the obvious choice (and Carson's choice) to take the mantle, but NBC decided they would give the gig to a stand up comic, who did doritos commercials, Jay Leno.

I guess time has shown that the Jay Leno choice was smarter. Personally I have never been a fan. His monologues were full of sexual innuendos and his interviewing skills are lacking. You can't beat Headlines and Jaywalking but that's about it. Whereas, David Letterman just rambles and repeats lines like "got any gum?" or sputters lines and waits for Paul Schaffer to laugh. Though I do miss the days of Mujibur and Sarajul.

When Leno announced he was leaving the Tonight Show in 2009 and Conan O'Brien was taking over, I was thrilled. Conan does not seem like your typical late show host but his brand of comedy is clever, and even when it's not clever (i.e. Masturbating Bear, Pimpbot, etc.) it's still very funny. Jay Leno had the opportunity to retire at the peak of his career. His show enjoyed great ratings and it was time to pass the torch. Then NBC announced that Jay would have his own show during prime time. I guess neither Leno nor NBC could let go.

Now, Leno has suffered in the ratings because no one wants to watch mediocre comedy when they could be watching CSI: Wichita. So the brains at NBC refuse to let Leno be cancelled and admit their mistake so they have given him his old time slot, right after the local news.

The proposed new schedule will be Leno show for a half hour at 11:35 Eastern, followed by the Tonight Show, Then Jimmy Fallon, Then Carson "no one watches me" Daly. Give me a break NBC! Cancel Leno and let Conan bloom on the Tonight Show. His ratings will go up when people start realizing that Letterman isn't funny.

The thing that really chaps my hide (who says that?) is that NBC has given Conan an "out" to his contract if he wants it. Messed up. Conan has worked for years to reach his present position and 100% deserves it. He shouldn't be tossed around for some moronic banter between "big chin" and Kevin, the guitar player/courtesy laugher.

The person I'm most disappointed in is Jay Leno. Yes, he probably loves the spotlight but he should have retired at the top of his game. Now he'll just be known as the man who destroyed the Tonight Show. It would be a sad day if Conan went to another network and we witnessed the resurrection of The Tonight Show with Jay Leno. No Thanks.

If anyone wants to get Conan's take on the matter you can find it at http://www.aintitcool.com/node/43607. You better believe this situation is far from over.

I will now begin my boycott of GE-owned NBC, now that Heroes sucks, the Office is boring, and I don't like 19 editions of The Biggest Loser. Both Jay Leno and NBC get big fat zeros from me.

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Dexter Season 4 Review

I know I am a little late with this review, but after the finale of Season 4, I needed a little time to recover. I won’t give anything away, but to say that the writers are courageous would be an understatement.

If you are unfamiliar with the basics of Dexter, here is a quick synopsis. Dexter is a cold-blooded damn killer that puts on the persona of a charismatic, forensic blood specialist for the police department. He limits his murdering to the evil-doers and satisfies his serial tendencies by dispatching of the scum of the earth. As a borderline genius, forensic specialist, he evades his co-workers who only see him as a lovable shy-guy. He is the only serial killer you will likely ever root for. Yeah, he is the hero of the story, believe it or not. Showtime doesn’t pull any punches, so if you are not a fan of the “potty talk”, get over it. You still need to watch this series, although Debra’s mouth will likely have you choking up a little bile. Nudity, yes. Gore, you betcha. Thank you again Showtime.

The major change to this season was the addition of one of my heroes, Jonathan Lithgow. “Pulling a Lithgow” has been part of my vocabulary ever since watching “ The Twilight Zone - The Movie” back in the 80’s. He plays the guy on the plane that freaks out after seeing a gremlin on the wing. (You remember, Shatner played the same character 20 years earlier in black and white; “Therrrre’s some….thing on the wing.”) Hence, when somebody freaks out they are, “Pulling a Lithgow”. I think after season 4, this colloquialism has changed dramatically. “Pulling a Lithgow” now means so much more and probably requires a Heafty bag and a shop vac to clean up. He is also a family favorite for his Marsupial Sue kiddies series of books and songs. Those too now have a sinister creepiness after watching the latest season of Dex. I guess that is a testament to his acting. He can pull off the goofy dad on 3rd Rock from the Sun, the anti-dance preacher in footloose, and the most demented of serial killers as “Trinity” in Dex, and it is all quite believable. I’m hoping he gets an Emmy, Grammy, Pulitzer, Nobel…or whatever the “prize” is for best kick-ass killer in a Showtime series.

Trinity or the trinity killer, like Dexter, carries on every day life like a normal shmo, and has done so for 30+ years, killing the whole time. This intrigues Dex so he entangles his life with Trinity as a interloping protégé. Soon enough, Dex finds that this guy is nothing like him, and I can say that the series of events that follow make for an amazing season. I respect the series too much to give more spoilers, so I will just leave it at that.

One of the other great things about Dexter is that although every season bleeds into the next, you actually have closure on the main storyline for each season. You may not like what happens, but you don’t have to wait for another year to find out the culmination of the finale. You could almost watch each season independently and follow an entire sub-story line and not really be lost, although I would never recommend such a thing. You should start out with Dexter in the beginning and follow every minute of “The Dark Passenger’s” journey.

To be fair I have to tell you that I have loved all of the Dexter seasons. I actually order Showtime for the sole purpose of watching Dexter. That being said, wow was season 4 worth the money. Jonathan Lithgow is a god and complements Michael C. Hall very well. The writing is fantastic and I can’t wait for season 5. Well done guys, I can’t think of anything that could have made this season better.

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The Utah Jazz 2009-2010 Early Season Review

 

I spend a lot of time watching sports.  In fact, I think my sports viewing time is increasing exponentially in relation to my age.  You'd think that for the millions of hours I dedicate to my teams, that I would pick a winner to watch.  Sadly this is not the case.

I've watched/listened to the Utah Jazz for over 25 years, and every season ends with disappointment.  Not once have the Jazz ever been able to hoist the championship trophy while I stand in front of the TV with tears in my eyes.  What kind of masochistic person am I?  It's perpetual disappointment..much like watching Heroes, or the look in my wife's eyes after a roll in the hay.

I must be a glutton for punishment....I am certainly a glutton.

3 years ago, the Jazz with a young roster rocketed to the Western Conference finals in the playoffs.  It was to be the start of something big.  We had the elite point guard, the top tier power forward, and a good young nucleus around these two.

And then the next year, we under-achieved...and the next.  In fact, we've gotten progressively worse since the playoff run.  Oh, the team blamed it on injuries, chemistry, and to be patient.
This year (2009-2010) was supposed to be the return to glory.  All players were healthy.  The team had far exceeded the luxury tax cap in player's salaries.  This was the year......

18-16.  This the record of the Jazz.  Losers of 3 in a row.  2 of the 16 losses were to Minnesota who only technically qualifies as an NBA team.  We just recently lost to Denver at home, who were without Carmelo Anthony and Chauncey Billups.  That's like playing Mike Tyson's punch-out, and you can win the game without fighting Big Mike...cakewalk.

They tease me....As I have a TV package which includes every Jazz game, I tune in often.  I'll turn to the game...and it will be close.  I'll get sucked into the game, only to be dissappointed and mad at the end. (also...like my wife after a roll in the hay)

Well, this is it.  I am officially downgrading my TV package to remove all Jazz games.  No longer will you tempt me into your snare of repeated punishment and despair.  You're 40% into the season, and wouldn't make the playoffs if they started today.

Can you win me back?  Can my affection be yours again?  Yes.....if you make a few trades that will shake things up.  I don't even care who we get...just do something.  Anyone not named Deron Williams should be available.
I would also tune in if Jerry Sloan bitch-slapped a player on TV.  That would be enough.
I would also tune in if you brought back the short John Stockton shorts for all white players.
I would also tune in if you got Morgan Freeman to call the games, and used the term "Get busy living, or get busy dying" at least once per half.

The Utah Jazz have been sucking my sports soul for too long, and get a 1-star rating only for being over .500.

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