LOL Usage Review

In general people are not very amusing and it has been almost 3 years since I have lived next to a buddy that could actually make me belly laugh. Not everyone in the world is a comedian, and that is ok, but they should also not be falsely encouraged when throwing out their horrible quips. The encouragement of which I am speaking comes in the form of constant endorsement via texting…namely, the overuse of LOL.

The problem with texting is that hyperbole is built in, it is part of its very essence. When is the last time you have actually ROFL let alone ROFLMAO. These are ridiculous statements, but now necessary because of over-LOL’ing and still having the need to convey the fact that you are slightly more amused than before. I don’t like where this is going and I am proposing the taking back of LOL. (ROFL is reserved for special occasions and ROFLMAO shall only be used when mentioning Tosh.O.)

I get LOL’s texted back to me continually and really, only 80% of these responses actually carry any merit. I can make any stupid comment via text and will inevitably get a LOL back. Enough of this. I am hilarious most of the time and would like my proper due credit. Your Willy-Nilly LOL’s that you hand out like Sweet_Tarts on Halloween mean nothing to me and are, quite frankly, a little insulting.

Here are some examples of what I am talking about:

Me: Hey, I worked out this morning and my leg feels like it has been hit with a baseball bat.

You: LOL, I hear ya bro.

Huh? “LOL, I hear ya bro”? That wasn’t funny, in the slightest. My leg really hurts, and I don’t appreciate you laughing out loud prior to offering some empathy? Like you can really relate anyhow, how long has been since you have even walked into a gym?…I digress, sorry.

Me: McDonald’s tastes like ass, I don’t know why I come here.

You: I hate that place, LOL.

Umm…again, not really a funny statement but ok, maybe my comparison is a little colorful and you hadn’t really thought of how the taste of a Big Mac is so very similar to the taste of fecal remnants taken straight from the source. Still, this is not a LOL situation. A “hehe” or “ha” will suffice, and is appropriate. Actually, the more concerning part of this response is the “I hate that place” because I happen to know that isn’t true. I know this for two reasons. Last time I was in your car, you had no less than 3 leftover Biggie cups and at least 14 crumpled drive-through bags piled on the floor behind your seat. Also, you weigh 420lbs, (best guess without a truck stop scale) and that doesn’t happen to people that hate McDonalds. Maybe you should quit being such a liar and think about why you are trying so hard to agree with people. I would start with a good look in the mirror.

Me: Honey, I gotta get up in the morning and do some cardio. My ass looks like Ricotta cheese in a plastic bag.

Wife: LOL, that’s not true, you still look great to me.

Ok, that is funny. Maybe even LOL worthy. Sure I stole it from The Jerky Boys in 1994, but who remembers The Jerky Boys? For that matter, who remembers 1994? So I will take credit and yes, my wife is lying that I still look great to her, but she has to, says so in the contract.

So, for the sake of ease, let’s take back LOL and use it as God intended, for those of us with an original thought, or a really good memory. The overuse causes an evolution of Acronyms of which I can’t keep up. If we don’t stop now, next week it will be JSMOOMNBYASDF “Just Shot Milk Out Of My Nose Because You Are So Damn Funny” and that is way too many letters. Fix the problem, quit letting unfunny people think they are funnier than they are, and….do a sit-up once in a while.

I give current LOL usage 1-star. LOL.