NightFood Dietary Supplement Bar Review

It's time to dim the lights....and take a break from the usual humor doled out at this site.  Never fear--you'll still get a cheeky product review.  If ghost stories make you uncomfortable, and you'd just like to read the review---scroll to the bottom few paragraphs of this page.

Sleep is not something that comes easy to me.  When the lights go down, and my eyes have closed, strange things start to happen.

For the last 15 years, I have been haunted by ghosts.

I'm not talking about the "float around doing practical jokes ghosts" like in Harry Potter.  Nor do I see decapitated people rattling chains....I usually just see normal people.  And this is why it is so damn scary.

For the first few years, I used to just see children.  I'd be awakened by something, and would look up to see a child walking by the foot of my bed...staring at me...and then head out the door of my room.  Other times I would wake up to see a few kids peeking their heads in the doorway, trying to not be seen.  Most of the time, there is no interaction between myself and my "experiences."  Generally, the children were just watching...and walking around the house.
The first few times this occurred, it was very scary.  I'd jump out of bed in a fit of panic, trying to decipher what I had just seen.  I'd turn on all the lights, search the house, and then make my way back to bed realizing that it was just a dream.  After many months of these experiences, I found that if I just closed my eyes and attempted to fall back asleep, things would be just fine.
I told myself that the things I was seeing were not possible.  I'd wake up sleeping on the couch to see kids sitting on the banister, or perhaps I'd think I saw them outside--when the blinds were closed.  It really didn't make sense to me.  There was the time I woke up in the kitchen on the counter---trying to defend myself from a rabid killer dog in my house.  Yeah...we'd make millions if we just installed video cameras around the home.

Unfortunately, things started to get a little scarier.

I remember a time when I woke up, and saw dozens of kids standing outside my home, looking in at me through the windows.  I bolted upstairs to look out a window to ensure my sanity...they were gone.
Another time a young girl crawled out of my closet on her hands and knees...turned her head towards me, and then crawled back into the hanging clothes.  I just closed my eyes and waited for my heart to stop pounding.

The children soon started showing up with adults.

I remember when I saw the first few adults in my bedroom.  They were walking along with the children, just walking and staring.  Like the kids, they usually didn't want to be seen, and would hurry out of the room.  The adults like to get a little closer.  I've woken up and seen a man standing right next to me, looking over our bed.  Another time, a strange man wearing one of those amish-looking pastor hats was standing threateningly in the dark recesses of the bathroom.  I now usually close the bathroom door before bed.

Lately...they've started interacting with me.

A short time ago, a young boy of 10 or 11 was standing about 6 feet from my bed.  He looked at me amusingly, and then pointed over to the partially open bedroom door.  Looking through the opening was another boy, about the same age.  He was laughing at me...but not from something funny.  More like a morbid laughter.
But the most frightening experience happened about a year ago.  I woke up thinking I heard something in the hallway next to my bedroom.  I sat up and looked out the door.  (I specifically remember this experience because I was fairly awake...most of the time I am "out of it"...but this was not one of those times)  In the doorway stood a very large man standing there, wrestling with something with his right hand which I couldn't see as it was outside the view of the door.  For a moment he wrestled with this thing, and then looked directly at me smiling.  He then proceeded to pull my 5 year old son into view like he was showing off his prize, and then picked him up and ran down the hall.
I did what any red-blooded American Father would do....jumped around in my underwear looking for something to use as a weapon.  I settled on a pair of old Skechers.
After searching the entire house, and sleeping guard on the couch, I realized yet again that none of this is real.
And what's worse, I might eventually hurt my wife or myself.  Sometimes I don't recognize my wife in the bed, and try to slip out un-noticed into another room.  Silly...yet if aliens decide to switch my wife with a green life-form meant to impregnate me through my rectum, I'll look like the smart one.

I've researched my condition, and my Doctor (Wikipedia) thinks I have Hypnopompic Hallucinations.  I'm sticking with this diagnosis...until one of my "apparitions" decides to start tipping over dishes or placing viruses on my computer.

I've tried innumerable remedies and actions to try to help me sleep better.  I've tried Tylenol PM with mixed results.  I've tried to stay away from spicy food for dinner.  I've recently been watching episodes of Glee, as the utter stupidity and nothing-ever-happens-ness of the show usually lulls me to sleep quickly.  There is nothing like a Karaoke version of a Michael Buble song to bring on the sweet peace of night.  Unfortunately, none of these has really worked long-term.

I recently stumbled across a new type of sleep aid---Candy Bars!!  Well, this really isn't a candy bar, but it's fairly close.  Nightfood has created a dietary supplement that is supposed to aid in sleeping.  They say that by eating this as a nighttime snack, I will fall asleep easier, and maintain optimal blood glucose levels for more rejuvinating and restful sleep.  Supposedly, a bioactive called Chocomine will help me to have better sleep moods and relaxation, and support neuronal transmissions.  (Disappointingly, neuronal transmission has very little to do with nocturnal emmissions)

As I found a free sample for 2 bars, I took the plunge.  The only flavor available is cookies and cream.  Let's see...10pm...pajamas--check...checked on kids--check...locked all the doors--check...eat a candy bar--double check!!
To be quite frank, this isn't the most appetizing snack.  It's roughly equivalent in taste to a 6 month old PowerBar.  While chewing, it's not too bad, but the after-taste is a little pungent.

And does it work??  I'm not sure.  I only received 2 samples, and to order more is $11.99 for 6 more bars.  Quite a spendy experiment.  I can't honestly say I slept better after eating these bars, but I'm not about to dismiss them off-hand without a longer period of sampling.  Plus, I would imagine that some Oreos and milk would be a nice substitute in a pinch.

I give the NightFood bar 2 stars, mainly because I was able to re-live my personal nightmares therapeutically on the internet.  (Un?)Fortunately for you, I've saved the most frightening experiences from this review.  I'm selling these for the story rights in Paranormal Activity 3.


Buy PGX said...

This can be a good supplement, but make sure to take it before bedtime.

Julia said...

Have you tried melatonin? I can never fall asleep, and even if I do, I'm stressed out and clenching my teeth all night long. In the last month I've started to take 3 to 6 mg of melatonin abut 1/2 to a ful hour before I go to bed and I am OUT. Fully asleep, all night long.
I might actually be in love with it. It's amazing. AND apparently non-habit forming!

Matt said...

@Julia--I'll have to grab some melatonin and give it a try. Maybe I'll mix it with alcohol and tylenol pm.

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