The Bachelorette review

There is no preface that can make up for the following review. Nothing I say will make me look any better. But you know I'm going to try anyways.

Did I watch the latest season of the Bachelorette? Yes. Yes I did. Why did I subject myself to that torture? It all started with my wife watching the first episode and because I am a TV watcher, I sat to keep her company and make snide remarks continually throughout the show. That lasted up until the end of the episode when they showed a sneak preview of "Here's what's coming up on this season of the Bachelorette..." The preview clip showed drama, violence, jealousy, love, lust, and crutches. I knew at that moment I was doomed to watch the entire season.

I am going to also defend myself by stating that there is little to nothing to watch during the Summer TV season. I only watch Wipeout and So You Think You can Dance. It really is sad when the only things to view are reality TV. Other than those shows, I only watch shows and movies from Netflix streaming (which I'll review at a later date). I consider myself to have the greatest opinion when it comes to television shows. The shows that enjoy being in my top 10 are the best of the best. So it's a mystery why I watched and liked the bottom of the garbage dump, the bachelorette.

I would like to go on for a few paragraphs about how this is my wife's fault. But it would be a lie.

Anyways. I'm going to describe this season of the show in the straightest, masculine, and most cynical way possible.

Ali is a short blonde girl who is a 6.5 on her best day. She was on the last season of the Bachelor and didn't make it the the finale. So this time around she was the center of attention while two dozen men with chiseled jaws vied for her love and more air time. The show lasts about two months and a handful of men are sent home through a dramatic rose ceremony at the end of every episode/week. It's nearly hilarious when every week they say "Stay Tuned. Coming up is The. Most. Dramatic. Rose. Ceremony. Yet.

For people who eat this up, I hope they're really not experiencing all the drama, it could give them a heart attack if they buy into what the commercials say. Also, there isn't really any suspense to the "Rose Ceremony." If she has to eliminate 4 people that week you just look for the faces that you haven't seen during the episode at all. It's like an episode of Lost claiming that in the next episode "Someone. Will. Die." But then you just find out that it was the two characters who were introduced halfway into the third season. Who cares.

So there were all types of guys on the show. None of the competing men liked a wannabe pro wrestler nicknamed "Rated R." They claimed he was fake and in it for the fame. He told Ali he was genuine. And like the fake blonde she is, she believed him. That is, until the middle of the season when there was the stunner that he had a girlfriend back home and really was on the show to get famous. (Sorry pal, I don't think the WWE is looking for pansies that cry if they don't get a rose) Other than him there were very few memorable guys. There was the "sexy latin lover" who didn't have a personality but Ali was attracted to. There was a metro-sexual (I didn't know they existed anymore after 2003) guy who whined all of the time, but Ali was in love with. And there was a sincere guy from Cape Cod who didn't belong on the show because was too real. Don't worry, Ali didn't really like him because he was too nice. Well the metro guy dropped a bomb near the finale by going back to his ex girlfriend just because he was insecure and she wanted him back. I think Ali lost all interest at this point and just chose the "hot" latin guy with the butt chin in the finale.

Now of course they are engaged to be married. But I think in the 19 seasons of the Bachelor (4 seasons per year) there have only been 2 weddings. And who knows if they'll last.

But it's funny. I watched this show nearly every week. Then she chose the winner and I got that feeling. You know the one, where you think "Wow, I just wasted a part of my life on something really stupid..." I knew that if anything good was gonna become of this, it would be a semi-humorous review.

I'm going to give this show two stars. One for the drama that the producers were able to create every episode. The other because I kept watching. Now I'll just have to wait in suspense for the next season of the Bachelor, which I'm sure starts in 3 weeks.