Kirkland Toilet Paper Review

Embossed for your viewing pleasure

In life there are many areas where spending a little money is the really the smartest idea.  Buying things "on the cheap" isn't always the best solution.
Case in point--have you tried anything on Taco Bell's value menu recently?  Craptacular.
Don't skimp on a mattress.  You sleep about a third of your life.  Why would you want to take a free mattress from your aunt, only to find that her 15 year old son who used it was a constant bed-wetter? (or even worse...I mean he is 15)
Don't buy Walmart roses for valentine's.  You'll end up with a wilty mess 24 hours later.
I once bought a "Tag-Heuer" watch from a friendly fellow on a corner in down-town Houston for 20 bucks.  It worked for exactly 6 hours until the hands fell off.  When I went back the next day, he told me he'd take the old one back, and give me a new one for an additional 20 dollars.  Sweet deal.

This brings me to the subject of toilet paper. 
I used to spend a considerable amount of time at a friends home.  His Mom bought the cheapest toilet paper on the planet.  I think it was called "see through soft-wipes."  When the unfortunate occasion arose where I had to drop a deuce in his house, I always dreaded what I called wiping with "60 grit."
Just because it's called an ass-hole doesn't mean we need to treat it like one.

Our family buys the mega-pack of Kirkland toilet paper from Costco.  It is not the cheapest tissue on the planet, but it's also not as expensive as the Charmin at Costco.  It's kind of like choosing the Honda Accord instead of the Cadillac Escalade.

How does the Kirkland paper measure up?  I have a few important categories which measure its effectiveness and quality.  I will compare the Kirkland brand directly to the Charmin "super-soft" that is also in Costco.

Cost:  Kirkland is a little cheaper if you were to actually measure price per linear foot.  I haven't done this, and if I see you in Costco with a calculator running some numbers, I will shove your HP 48G down your throat.

Thickness:  The Kirkland is definitely thinner than the Charmin, but will still keep you from having the dreaded "punch-through."  In fact, the thinner paper will help flushability.  Try getting a million-wiper with the Charmin.  You'll be flushing in phases to get that thick tissue down your sewer pipe.

Softness:  Probably the most important of personal tissue paper qualities.  The Kirkland paper is just soft enough, and the texture has a nice "grab and hold" quality to it.  The Charmin is very soft, but suffers from "paper shred."  After a hearty wipe of the Charmin, you'll have little white paper flakes stuck to areas where paper flakes aren't meant to reside.

Versatility:  Kirkland paper also works well as a nose-tissue.  The lack of "Charmin-like" white paper flakes makes it a good candidate where you can expel any nasal excrement.

Presentation:  Kirkland paper excels at this.  Every single roll of toilet paper is wrapped in paper.  Thus, when you finish your business on the John and find an empty roll of toilet paper, an experience which used to be anxiety-inducing now becomes a treasured moment.  It's like unwrapping a present on Christmas morning.

Summary:  Kirkland toilet tissue is a good value, and does the job well.  It's much better than the no-name paper you'll find in some grocery stores.  I intentionally did not compare Kirkland paper to using a "personal wipe," or what I call a "flushable wet-nap."  These products deserve their own review, and are really the Ferrari of rear-end rust removers.

Kirkland toilet paper wipes out most of the competition on its way to a 4-star rating.