The MTN (Mountain West sports network) channel review

How the heck did they get the MTN out of Mountain West Sports Network. Wouldn't MWSN make more sense?

Are you a rabid fan of San Diego St. football? Do you pine to watch every game of the UNLV rebels? Are you a Mormon, and thus obligated to root for BYU? (take it easy...it's just a joke)

If you answered "yes" to any of the questions above, you are just like 0.2% of the population of the United States, and enjoy watching sporting events centered around the Mountain West Conference.
The Mountain West Conference (MWC) is a relatively new college conference (~1999) formed by a group of schools in the mountain west (duh) region.
This conference is outside looking in on the "big 6" of the BCS conferences. Relatively speaking, the MWC is like the "teenager table" at Thanksgiving dinner. They no longer have to sit at the "kid's table" and are trying to muscle their way onto the adults table. Unfortunately, they are in the thick of puberty, and need a few more good years of seasoning until a seat is reserved for them.

In the olden days of TV (3 or 4 years ago) each local team simulcast a football or basketball game and sold the rights to a local station. You'd see almost every home game, and some road games...and it was free.
Then the MWC decided to create a sports channel that was solely dedicated to MWC sports. It would be all-MWC, all the time.
Colorado St. lacrosse? Check!!
Wyoming men's volleyball? Check!!
TCU intramural ping pong? Check!!
New Mexico's thriving meth industry? Not so much.

The concept was genius. The channel would be available across the country for those fans that lived out of state. They called it the MTN, and sold a bulk of the rights to Comcast and CBS.
This proved to be tricky as Comcast started asking exorbitant amounts of $$ to the Satellite providers to show the channel. Dish and Direct TV scoffed at the amount the MTN was asking, and football was not shown on any satellite provider the first year. This was a dark time in my life.

After a couple years of praying and giving sacrifices to many heathen gods, Direct TV picked up the channel. It was true...I finally had access to the channel.

Boy was that a let-down.

Try to picture an introductory college level broadcasting class experimenting at football games with roughly 2 cameras and a pro-bono announcing team....Oh wait, this was exactly the status of the MTN. The games were horrible.
We're lucky the cameramen weren't on the field playing defense as they only knew where the ball was about 42% of the time. The rest of the time you were entertained with random shots of field turf, head coaches drinking Gatorade, and old clips of Punky Brewster. The production, execution, and tv talent was horrible.
One bright spot was that it led to some entertaining moments if your team wasn't playing well.

As with all new products, the MTN needed to learn and grow...and they have. They have increased the number of cameras at each game, placed better broadcasters, and even have their own low-budget "Sportscenter" types of shows on the channel. They have even started broadcasting in HD for many games. You'd be surprised how nice field turf and Punky Brewster look in HD.

I suppose the most important thing are the games...and yes--I saw every football game and dozens of basketball games from my favorite college team. Most fans can't say the same unless they purchase college football packages costing hundreds of dollars a year.

The MTN pixelates it way to a solid 3-star rating, and is well on its way to a 4-star. Sure there may be a few spelling errors or candid shots of sports anchors fixing their microphones...who doesn't love that?
Be aware...DISH has still not signed a contract with the channel, so if you decided to choose the cheapest satellite route, you'll be out of luck.
Direct TV and numerous cable companies have the channel on differing packages across the country.

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Bully Beatdown MTV Series Review

Admittedly I am a nerd. My memories of torment in high school and earlier still plague my soul and make me fantasize about destroying some of those bullies in various ways even to this day. I say various ways because I not only want to beat their eyes shut, but I would love to follow them throughout their lives, if I had the finances (I did say this was a fantasy), and buy every business at which they worked and fire them over and over again with nothing on the pink slip except the words “Karma is a Be-otch, I hope it was worth it.” Now, that is never going to happen. In reality, those guys are probably 10X more successful than me and probably sport 6-pack abs and models for wives. If life has taught me anything, it is: what comes around DOES NOT go around. They will never get theirs. Life is cruel, so just deal with it.

Now I come to my review. Bully Beatdown is probably the best idea ever put on TV. It is a semi-new series on MTV with an MMA star Jason Mayhem as the host. Basically, he has adult victims of bullies send in tapes and he tries to dish out a little justice to the offenders. Mayhem is hilarious and shows up, gets in the bully’s face and offers them ten grand to go two rounds in the cage with an MMA pro fighter. These bullies all think they are the baddest thing to ever hit the planet earth, so they inevitably agree and then head into the cage. Witnessing an education like this is priceless. As these bad-asses get pounded and tap out over and over, you can almost see an understanding come across their faces. They become the victim. It is only a couple of minutes, but is probably the only few moments in these guys lives where someone really puts them in their place. I love the concept; I love the violence; bravo Mayhem.

I can’t just give a total 5 star review here though as there are a couple of problems with the series as I see it. First, the rounds are short and not full MMA rules. In round one they can only grapple, no pounding. For every time the bully taps out, $1000 of the $10K that is up for grabs is given to the victim. Tapping is great, but when you are in the clinch I think these guys deserve a little ground pounding.

The second round is only striking but they have full head gear and full-on shin guards and boxing gloves. These guys have tormented and often physically scarred some of these victims for life. It is only 3 minutes, they should go true MMA rules, no pads and just get annihilated.

I love vigilante movies and love to see the dweeb finally knock out the jock at the end of the film. Revenge is a beautiful thing and if some enlightenment can come with it, all the better. Some may say my thought process isn’t very Christian-like, but a little justice in this world would be nice for a change. If Mayhem can administer it in 3 minute increments, then I say “Preach on, my brother”.

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Jewelry for Wife's Birthday review

What is the deal with so many holidays? Not that I mind an occassional Rosh Hashanah every once in a while, but there are way too many holidays that require the man to give his wife/girlfriend/life partner an expensive gift. Let's see, there is Valentine's day, Anniversary, Mother's day, Christmas, and the most expensive present is usually reserved for her birthday. I swear, if they invented a few more gift holidays we could boost out of this recession in no time.

So my wife's birthday was last week and it's basically like pulling teeth from a pirahna to find out what she actually wants. I don't get it. On my birthdays I tell her exactly what I want and I get exactly that. I asked her and she hemmed and hawed for a while and said "Give me something that Edward would do for Bella..." WTF!?! She's not even a fan of those damned books and she comes up with that? It's been a long time since I have sired anyone or whispered sweet nothings in their ear, so I discarded her request. I'll get off my high horse after I say this, Twilight has ruined all realistic expectation of the modern man.

On her past birthdays I always go above and beyond the budget I set out to spend, and she ends up loving what I get. This year I am a poor broke(n) man. I had less than a hundred dollars to spend. What could I buy for that amount? Maybe some Target shirts, maybe a giftcard to anywhere. No wait, giftcards are the equivalent of not putting effort or thought into her gift. (At least that's what she will think.) When I feel brave I make the embarrassing trek into the girls' clothes department of the store. Don't worry, I feel like captain pedophile walking around all these blouses and cardigans. Every woman who sees me backs away and half expect me to start caressing everything in the underwear section. (I wanted to say "panties" but the makes me feel ridiculous, though the word always makes me giggle.) As I look blindly around for something, anything that my wife might grow to love I spot the perfect shirt.

Now comes the tricky part. What F'ing size is she?
Small? But what if it's too small and I give it to her and she says "Is this the size you wish I was?"
Large? I'm not even going to think about it, I'll be sleeping on the couch for sure.
Medium? Yeah I'm going for medium. I love being in the middle ground.

Let's not even get into numbered sizes. If I even ventured there, I would be single in no time. And of course I hold up a medium shirt and look at a girl about then feet from me around my wife's size and guess whether this shirt would fit. Then when she catches me looking I look away quickly and my voice cracks.

So I think we've ruled out clothes as a gift. A lot of men buy expensive jewelry for their wives for the gift holidays. I am not one of these men. I don't have the cash to throw around on a diamond bracelet, etc. I don't even know if my budget allows me enough to buy a ring setting, nonetheless a diamond and/or cubic zirconia. Well, inspiration hit me two days before her birthday. It hit me like a stone, a birthstone that is. We just had a baby girl two months ago and apparently my wife loves her quite a bit. I figured that a necklace or earrings with our baby's birth stone would be the perfect gift. I took a chance on a pendant/necklace and managed to get it for under my budget. Well the gamble paid off and she could not believe how sensitive I was. Another birthday down, countless more gift holidays to go.

If I plan on getting jewelry again I'm going to need to spend much more. She won't fall for that again. Unless...we have another kid. Second birthstone here we come. Finding and giving jewelry is great, but shopping for it is pretty terrible so I give it 3 carats.

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Matt's Capsule Movie Reviews

When the wife decides to leave town with the kids, I usually grab a bunch of movies that she has no interest in watching.
She doesn't like horror, ultra-crass, or just plain stupid movies.

I perused the torrent movie list, and grabbed the following 3 movies, certain that she'd have no interest. Each comes with its own short review.

A Haunting in Connecticut:
PG-13 horror movies are in their own class. Not quite enough gore, and far too many "jump out at ya" moments. Movie studios realized that the Ring was a good scary PG-13 movie, and have tried to copy it for years. This is another case where it doesn't work.
Let me give you the breakdown of this movie: Family moves into haunted house. Oldest son sees a bunch of scary "things" around the house. I doze off. Wake up in time to see him torch the house, and free of it of all evil. Roll credits.
This is supposed to be based on a true story. I went online and read the background of the story, and some author made up most of it in a "biographical" book he wrote on the subject.
Let me spare you some time. If you've seen the Grudge, Pulse, the new Amityville horror, or One missed call, you've seen this movie. Why do studios keep green-lighting these boring horror movies? I long for the time of Freddy Krueger and Evil Dead 2.
2 stars out of 5.

Road Trip; Beer Pong:
I saw most of the first Road Trip movie, and laughed a couple times. I won't say it was terrible. So how bad could this movie be? I don't remember it in the theaters...did it go straight to video?
I'm going to be completely honest here....I saw 12 minutes of this show. I did not laugh once, nor did I pay much attention. This was a terrible 12 minutes, and I wasn't going to waste any more of my life. In fact, I'm not sure if there was enough "obligatory booby shots" only because I didn't make it that far into the movie. I hope those dudes that braved the movie for some nudity were rewarded.
0 stars out of 5

The Hangover:
I knew this movie was going to be good. I had heard from countless people that it was hilarious. This gave it a little "letdown factor," but was still a great, funny movie.
2 buddies and a future brother-in-law take a soon-to-be-married friend on an all-night Vegas bender for his bachelor party. The movie then jumps to the next morning while the cast tries to piece the previous night together. There are some true belly laugh moments. It's a very funny show.
All the lead characters in this show do a fantastic job in their roles.
On a separate note, I'm wondering why the movie studios are including so much Dudity in their movies in the past few years. (For those who are ignorant, dudity is the male form of nudity...specifically the sugar lumps....my brother-in-law coined the term) Even those that enjoy the male persuasion whether they be male or female, don't want to see a naked dude....especially when he's hanging out in the wind. I understand that for the most part it's supposed to be humorous, but these images are burned into my skull, and will never leave. Take Forgetting Sarah Marshall....waaaayy to much dudity.
The Hangover scores a solid 4 star rating.

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Visine Advanced Relief eye drops review

The following groups of people all have a similar problem.

A college student is up for 3 days straight studying for finals. He is due a couple hours after finals for his "engagement" pictures. His eyes look like someone poured bleach on them. What to do?

A group of old high school buddies get together and conveniently "dispose" of enough weed to sedate a large elephant. One of the friends is to meet his future in-laws in 3 hours. What to do?

The author of this post is a terrible sleeper. (It's true...click here if you don't believe me, and are not easily frightened) After 4 fitful hours of sleep, I head into work looking like a character from the zombie flick "28 years later." (I made this up...but I figure after 28 days later, and 28 weeks later...it's the most obvious choice) How can I look presentable to my fellow co-workers? What to do?

Simple...the same thing that has been done for decades....Visine that red out.

I actually purchased Visine Advance Relief drops. What is the difference from the original? Well, regular Visine gets the red out...and they say that Visine advanced relief REALLY gets the red out. Yeah...right.

Below is a normal picture of my eyes as I roll into work.



After a couple drops of Visine AR, I then look like this.



To say this is magic is understating the obvious. Why can't they (scientists?) conjure up some of their voodoo magic to fix some other bodily problems that I'd like to rectify cheaply and easily. (Dark circles under eyes, hair covering 98.6% of my body which grows back overnight after some manscaping, permanent elimination of pooping...I mean c'mon, crapping seems like a Godly creative oversight. Can't the waste be disposed using some other process?)

This product works well, and works immediately. The red will disappear quickly, and you won't have to worry about it until tomorrow.

BUT...there's a catch. Tetrahydrozoline.

While this word sounds like it might be the main ingredient for penile enlargement pill, it is actually the main active ingredient in Visine.
Scientists have also said that it is addictive, and can harm your eyes in the long-term.

Just because I use Visine doesn't mean that I am addicted. I can quit Visine anytime....I just don't want to yet. I'm really just a social Visiner anyway. It's not like I Visine when I'm home alone on the weekends. I'm not a closet Visiner.
Maybe I'll quit tomorrow. Sure...today will be my last Visine. Or maybe I'll just Visine when I really need it.

For those of you with racist eyes (only white) you don't need this product.
If you have a red eye problem (ocular) than this product should help in the short term. And just because I may be a Visineaholic doesn't make me a bad person. It's not like I Visine and drive.

Visine Advanced Relief drops stand clearly at a 3-star rating. A Visine on the rocks sounds really good right now. Can I Visine before noon?

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Blockbuster Online review

In the beginning there was blockbuster, and blockbuster was a good place to go for new releases on Friday nights. Then blockbuster got prideful and fell from grace. They started charging over 5 dollars for every day a movie was overdue. Plus, renting a movie drained the wallet for around 6 dollars to start with.

Then came competition (no, not Hollywood video) Netflix. Netflix came on the scene as a hermit's dream. No more leaving the house to rent movies, with the exception of walking to the mailbox to pick them up. Netflix had great plans renting up to 3 movies at a time, with no late fees. I was a member of Netflix for a year or so and loved it. Fast delivery times and a massive library of movies and tv series to choose from really appealed to me. I only cancelled my membership to save a little bit of dough. With Netflix picking up speed and making "the evil empire" blockbuster shaking in its VHS boots, blockbuster decided to enter the market of online/mailbox rentals.

And this is what I describe as "The Rise and Fall of Blockbuster Online."

My friend led me on to Blockbuster Online when it was first starting up. It was such a great deal there was no way I could refuse. Here's the rundown, sorry if I get into arithmetic but it sounds a little complex. You get three mail-in videos at a time, once you are done watching them you can return them to the store for unlimited trade-ins. So in my hands are three movies I rented for free from the store. Now here's the tricky part, once I return the mail-ins for movies, they automatically send mail-ins to your house that take about 2-3 days to get to your house. Now I know this sounds gluttonous, but it's possible to have 6 movies at a time. I didn't even have time to watch them all, I just liked knowing that I had so much power.

Then Blockbuster got wise and cut off the unlimited store trade-ins to the limit of 5 per month. You could still get 3 mail-ins at a time, but could only trade them in 5 times. So that was still alright if I was craving a movie at that moment, for example if I needed an Evil Dead 2 fix.

Well apparently Blockbuster isn't happy with cutting you off at the knees. They want the entire leg. Their rental system now consists of 3 rentals at a time, whether it be mail-ins or in store. If you trade in a mail-in for a movie. They won't send you a new one until you return the store rental. Yes, for the normal person 3 movies is still pretty good, but when you have experienced the good life and then they take it away from you, it's a low blow.

To make matters worse, every two months or so, Blockbuster calls me and lets me know that I never returned an in-store rental. They will now be charging 30 dollars for the Grudge 2. Thanks blockbuster! Every time this happens, and it is frequent, I go to the store and tell them to look for the movie with that code on the shelf. 10 times out of 10, it is there and one of the employee morons didn't scan it back in right. There is always gonna be human error. And come on, have you seen the smiling employees at Blockbuster?! For that reason alone it is a better deal to go with netflix.

Blockbuster Total Rewards Online started out as a 5 star, then was demoted to a 4 star, and now sits at a 3 movie star rating. And people, it's only going down from here.

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