Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Into every generation a slayer is born. One girl in all the world, a chosen one. She alone will stand against vampires, demons, and the forces of evil. ...And Major Undeclared will develop an unhealthy crush on her.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's how the prophecy goes.

Where do I start in reviewing Buffy? The beginning usually works.
This series started with a mediocre movie starring Kristy Swanson and Dylan "sideburns" Mckay from 90210. The movie failed and everyone forgot about a cheerleading vampire slayer.

Then in 1997 Joss Whedon, who originally created the character brought the show to the WB as a midseason replacement. Somehow it was picked up and it lasted 7 seasons. Not bad for a show about vampires and witches. I was in high school for the earlier seasons and watched episodes here and there. I immediately related to Xander (Nicholas Brendon) with his insecure sarcasm and pop culture wit. But like most males who got attached to the show, I had fallen in love with a vixen named Sarah Michelle Gellar. To this day I don't know why she needs three names but I don't mind. I eventually lost track of the show but always reserved a place for Sarah Michelle in my small heart. It wasn't till actually after the show ended that I started watching them on DVD and I realized the show had more than a pretty face, it had fantastic dialogue and stories.

Now, saying that I'm a huge fan of Buffy the Vampire Slayer is the nerd equivalent of saying I'm a level 39 arcane mystic in world of Warcraft, with cheeto stains on the sides of my mouth. But I tell you this with all geek pride, it has become my favorite TV show of all time. I recently finished watching the entire series with my wife. At first she was reluctant to follow me into the dork abyss, but soon realized she was addicted. Same thing happened with a trepid friend. Now he can't get enough of the star-crossed lovers Buffy and Angel.

I think anyone who watches into the second season will be hooked, I'm even giving my Sham-Wow guarantee!

To give you a little idea of what the show is about, it revolves around Buffy (obviously) and her friends, affectionately known as the scooby gang. She has two friends, Willow and Xander, who help when they can, and Giles, who is her watcher/father figure. The cast adds and loses a few characters along the way but Buffy and those three are the driving force in the series. Let's not forget Angel, the vampire with a Soul who remains as Buffy's love interest for a few seasons. I was so jealous of Angel when I was 18. Stupid jerk vampire. (I wish I could be him) The plots are ridiculous and believable at the same time. And by believable I mean, you really get into the characters and worry about the next apocalypse.

Apparently the powers that be want to try to revamp Buffy with a new movie. That would normally make me the happiest man on the planet but they don't plan on using Sarah Michelle Gellar and crew. Not only that, but apparently they aren't using Joss Whedon at all to write it. That would be a travesty. Second only to the travesty that Twilight is a complete rip off of Buffy.

In short, Buffy is a fantastic show that has everything: Action, romance, comedy, drama, and even a musical. Sign up for Netflix now and rent the seasons.

I give Buffy the Vampire Slayer a very biased but proud 5 scar rating!

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American Idol Season 8 review

Faithful Review Spew readers, I have a terrible confession to make. I feel as though I have let you all down. I feel like I have let myself down. I hate to admit the truth that has been eating at me for months now.
The shameful truth...

I just watched an entire season of American Idol.

No amount of words can undo the wrongs which I have done. But as long as my brain is already polluted of mindless karaoke filth I might as well review the experience. Now, why did I watch this show? I'm not even the biggest reality TV fan. Feel free to insert any excuse. I think I watch it for the funny auditions but then get sucked in week after week.

Let me sum the season up in the next few paragraphs.

Let's start with the judges. Randy Jackson can often speak words of wisdom, but half the time it sounds like "For me, for you, that wasn't your best. Yo yo yo, hear me out! Let me break it down! Your vocals were lava smoking hot dawg!" Just rearrange those words and you have every one of Randy's critiques.

Lets now move on to the new judge Kara Dioguardi. I realize that I didn't spell her last name correctly but I can't be bothered to look it up. She was supposed to be Paula's replacement but instead her presence on the show has made people like Paula more. Kara basically agrees with whatever Randy says except she says it in a more annoying way. She also mainly comments on how the contestants danced or their outfit. Cuz apparently I'm watching a show to see if someone is the best dancer? Kara's one shining moment was in the finale when the "famous" bikini girl came out to burn off her last fifteen minutes of fame. (Though I am a stomach guy and she has a fantastic stomach.) So while bikini girl was singing her surgically enhanced heart out, Kara came out and easily outsung her. That moment almost made up for her song "No Boundaries" that she wrote for the finale.

Next we have Paula Abdul. Straight up now tell me how she has forgotten english? Was it the drugs or the 80's? If a contestant does poorly she can never be honest with them and give them anything that could actually help. Instead she will compliment them on their "heart" or "courage." Her compliments usually sound a little like "I got one word for you INSPIRA-TORIAL-ICITY!" Thanks Paula, please sit down. This is apparently her last season. I don't believe it.

And lastly we have the only judge that people listen to - Simon. He has always been known as the mean one. I think it's a tired act. Speaking of tired, I don't think he really cares about the show too much anymore. The only reason he is still on it is because he has a little crush on Paula. If she leaves, so will he. My problem with Simon is that he picks a favorite from the contestants and never gives them a negative review. He basically takes credit for building someone's fan base. I hope he chokes on his smug poisoning.

So what about the top 13 contestants this year? BORING! I think I watched every week to see how long fans would keep Scott, the blind guy, on the show because they would feel guilty if they didn't vote for him. I didn't see how one of the contestants could be a superstar. People would disagree with me because Adam Lambert was so unique and had an amazing voice. Hey people, I can howl and wear makeup too, but you don't see me doing that in public. Adam Lambert was the broadway guy, who will eventually be forgotten and end up on broadway. It's probably his wildest dream to do so. If I had a favorite contestant it would probably be Danny Gokey. How can you resist the tragic tale of his wife dying and him doing the show for her....only to get third place. That has disney inspirational movie written all over it.


It came down to the final two and everyone thought the Broadway Bisexual Adam Lambert would take it easy. But what do ya know, the mighty South voted tens of millions of votes for Kris Allen and he was the surprise winner. I think everyone who watches this show (tweens, gay guys, moms, and me) was very shocked that faux rocker Lambert didn't take the title. Though I was happy that Simon looked pissed Adam didn't win.

As soon as the show ended I thought, "Wow, I just wasted multiple hours of my life for all that." Though soon after that I thought, "Now what am I gonna watch, maybe So you think you can dance?"

I give the 8th season of American Idol 2 manufactured, soon to be sinking into obscurity pop stars.

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Sealab 2021 Review

I still remember waking up early on Saturday mornings to watch all of my favorite cartoons. I spent the early morning hours despising Gargamel, wishing I could join the cast of Dungeons and Dragons, and envisioning myself as a GI Joe.

This Saturday morning tradition quickly morphed into sleeping in on Saturdays until 11AM when I hit my teen years. Don't judge me. As a 122 pound junior in high school, I frequently cried myself to sleep until the wee hours of the morning due to the lack of self-esteem. I needed to get some sleep and relieve stress, or the back acne would flare up.

As I grew older, I still enjoyed tuning in to cartoons. Hits like The Simpsons, and Family Guy have given the adult cartoon aficionado something to cling to.
While I enjoy these shows, there was never any cartoon that captured the beauty of the animation of my youth. I was yearning for poor animation, terrible plot lines, bad conversation, and the awkward pauses. And then I stumbled across Sealab 2021.

For those that are a little older than myself, Sealab 2020 was an animated series in the early 70's. It was terrible, and quickly canceled.
Sealab 2021 is a humorous spin-off of the original series. It uses the same setting, and sometimes the same animation as Sealab 2020 for the show.

The show is set at the bottom of the ocean in a self-contained living environment called Sealab. The show features a few main characters, and their "interesting" adventures. To sum up what the show is about, is very difficult. The real enjoyment of the show, is the hilarious/crass/off-the-wall dialogue between characters.

Leading the crazy parade is Captain Murphy. He is the king of one-liners, generating such gems as: "I'm sending you on a quest. I command you to find Quinn's ass...and beat it." I can't stress enough how funny his character is in this show.

Alas, the actor who voiced this character passed away in the middle of the show. (Harry Goz) They brought in his son (Michael Goz) to voice a different captain (Tornado Shanks) but it just wasn't very funny after this.

If you enjoy any of the shows that were aired on Adult Swim on Cartoon Network, you'll definitely enjoy this show. I recommend buying all 4 seasons at Amazon. It's only like 40 bucks. Or go find it on bit-torrent...see if I care.

Don't forget...Erik Estrada is one of the main character voices too...that's gotta be worth giving it a look. Below is a clip of some Stormy funny clips....you'll laugh till you bleed.
You can also go to adultswim.com for longer (legal) clips.

Mustache on or off....too bad!

Sealab 2021 swims its way to a 4-star rating, only hindered by the lameness of Tornado Shanks.

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Lego Video Game Reviews

I am going to lump all of the Lego games into a common review, mostly because my family has all of them and plays them almost equally. Correction, not only does my family have all of them, we even have a couple of them on two platforms. We have double coverage on Lego Batman and Lego Indiana Jones on both the Nintendo DS and the Wii, and we also have Lego Star wars for the Wii. That is roughly $150 spent solely on Lego gaming. So it is obvious that we are fans.

You may ask why in the world anyone would spend the cash to have the same game on two different systems, and the answer would be; we need our Lego fix on the go. Plus, the games are not the same across the mobile and home use systems anyhow, so it isn’t completely redundant.

The graphics are just ok, and there isn’t a word spoken in any of the games, so what makes them so appealing? I really don’t know, but it is utterly addictive. A single game that keeps me, my wife, my 9 year old, and my 4 year old all entertained is quite a feat, and the Lego series seems to hit the mark perfectly. My wife has gone to the extreme with these games and become a full-on gamer. With the exception of a short Bejeweled stint in lat 2004, there hasn’t been much of a psycho gamer inside her until we were recently introduced to these games.

Personally, I love walking through the game as if playing the movie. The kids style humor is good and the violence is reduced to the exploding of Lego bricks in one form or another. So, no sex with the streetwalkers to boost your life and then stabbing them to get the cash back. Sorry GTA fans. As far as long term play goes, the amount of money aka "studs" you need to acquire to unlock all aspects of the game are astronomical, so you can play for a long, long while.

The breakdown of favorites goes as follows: I’m an Indy fan, the wife loves the Batman, and the 4 year old boy goes Star Wars all the way. The 9 year old girl plays them all with equal zeal.

The only cautions I have are:
1. It will hurt your sex life as your wife will likely prefer staying up an extra 2 hours trying to get the 2X multiplier than heading to bed early for a little nookie.

2. You will likely miss workouts in pursuit more "studs" ‘cause you only need 10K more to unlock Grand Moff Tarkin.

3. Depression may set in when you look at the total game time counter which logs every second you spend playing the game. You will look one day and see it at 60+ hours, realize you are only 33% done with the game and want to pop some Prozac to elevate the guilt of all the time you have wasted playing with damn Legos.

4. All other games on the Wii will become irrelevant so getting past the "Medium" setting on Guitar Hero just got pushed out of reach. There are only so many hours in the day, so you won’t even try the drums if you have the World Tour set.

5. You will start to yell at your kids when playing 2 player because they won’t stand in the right place for you to get that last Minikit. Why can’t a 4 year old understand you only needed one more for that level, but no, he heads through the virtual door and doesn’t look back. I recommend at least a 30 min. "Timeout" and a sound spanking every time they do this…it is the only way they will learn.

On the plus side, your internet porn searches will be interrupted with searches entitled "How to get money quickly in Lego Star Wars" or "Where is the Red Brick on Lego Batman level 2.1". So at least you won’t have to clear the history every day.

Clearly, even with becoming an abusive parent and your wife forsaking her marital obligations in the bedroom, these games are a must buy. I give them 4 big stars.

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Direct TV free movie preview weekend review

For those too cheap to fork out the 13 bucks a month to get pay movie channels on Direct TV, there is a holy weekend at least once a year. This precious few days on satellite is where HBO/Showtime/Starz movie gods rain down their mercy.

It is the Free Preview weekend.

You know what I'm talking about. You'll be perusing up near the "risque" channels just "passing by" and notice that many movie channels are unlocked. You flip to HBO, and lo and behold, Transformers is playing on your TV.
You then commence on a remote control journey for the next 45 minutes searching all the free movie channels for things to your DVR. You've never heard of "Be Kind, Rewind?" Oh well, it has Jack Black--record it. Schindler's list?? You've seen it once, and your soul cried for days. You vowed never to watch it again---but it's free!! Record it.
Pretty soon, you've got 14 movies ready to record over the weekend. You're about to test the limits of your 100 hour DVR hard drive. But it's worth it to see "Best of the Best II" right?

For those of you who already have the pay movie channels, this next paragraph may be a review of something you already know.

At first, you were excited that Transformers was on HBO. Oddly enough, if you missed a couple minutes of the movie, it was luckily going to be replayed in 2 hours. And if you missed that showing, it was on again in 6 hours. And the next day, it was on again 3 more times.
You'd think that there are so many movies, that repeats would be very few and far between. I understand that new releases are popular, and are to be showed more often. But I don't need to see Shia Lebouf this much. As fate would have it, he was on another HBO channel starring in Disturbia at the same time as Transformers.
It's like HBO has their movie lineup on "shuffle" but only has 12 movies in the queue.

I almost forgot to mention that Skinemax was also giving a free preview the same weekend. If you haven't had the "opportunity" to scan through one of their nudey flicks, you are truly missing out on a treat.
I'm not saying they are good---in fact they are ridiculous. As all sex on Skinemax is simulated, they have the opportunity to show sexual positions that only Dirk Diggler could attempt. The average American male would need a 8" prosthesis to complete the acts performed on these stupid shows.
The only true thing they show on these nudey shows, is that the entire acts are complete within 2-3 minutes. That's only 30% higher than the average duration in America today.

A free movie preview weekend is like getting excited for Christmas, only to receive underwear. You'll build up the holiday only to be disappointed when it is over.
If there is a good movie that is showing on a free preview weekend, you'll be sure to see it 7 or 8 times during the preview.
Other than that, you'll have to enjoy showings of "Passenger 57," "What dreams may come," and "Fargo." Oh, you've seen all these? Why not pay 13 dollars a month to see them again? Bargain you say?

I say not....Free movie preview weekends barely transformed their way into a 2-star rating.

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Star Trek review

I love the Star Trek series because it makes me ask the important questions about myself. Such as, why do I still giggle every time I hear the phrase "Captain's log?"

I never got into the old series all that much. I would catch them from time to time but it all seemed too cheesy for me. My Star Trek was "The Next Generation." How could you go wrong with Capt. Picard and Number 1? Let's not forget Data and Worf. Maybe I had sci-fi goggles on but I was always attracted to Deanna Troy. That show had it all...well, all but action. Looking back I can't remember one action packed moment from the show. I would go back and watch it but I am afraid I'll fall asleep by the time Whoopi Goldberg walks in wearing her giant purple hat.

Though Star Trek has never been known for containing exciting in any form (excluding that rad episode where Kirk was trapped on the planet with the guy in the lizard suit. That episode was awesome).

So now we have J.J. Abrams who directed Mission Impossible III and is behind Lost, Fringe, and Alias. I see him as a less-talented, more well-known Joss Whedon. Basically Abrams has taken the Star Trek movies, which have been dead for a few years and revamped the story and characters. It might sound like he has done a disservice to fans but this is a movie to please nearly everyone. Even people who are able to speak Klingon fluently.

The story is probably the weakest part of the film. It is great at setting up character introductions but it becomes a time traveling revenge story. James Kirk is a rebel who enlists in the Federation and quickly makes enemies with Spock. Their ability to work together is tested when a Romulan, Nero, vows to destroy everything in sight. The characters are spot on. I was worried about the younger cast at first, the guy who plays Kirk, Chris Pine was previously seen in the Lindsay Lohan starrer, Just My Luck. But I gotta say, everyone excluding the kid who plays Chekhov is a perfect choice for the character they play, especially Spock and Bones. I'm especially fond of Simon Pegg(Shaun of the Dead, Hot Fuzz), who plays Scotty. Yeah, he's comic relief but I can appreciate that.

The reviews on this movie are making it seem like the greatest movie since The Dark Knight. It's not. It's a really good movie but it's not perfect by any means. Though I have recently been watching the old Star Trek movies and this one blows them out of the solar system. (Who are you calling a geek?) It definitely sets up room for sequels to come and for people to care about Star Trek again.

On my podcast (shameless plug) showtimeshowdown we compared it to Star Wars episode 1. When a movie succeeds like Star Trek you realize how much potential star wars had and it just sucked. Shame on you George Lucas, you have crushed my childhood dreams.

I give Star Trek 4 Stardates!

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Garmin Forerunner 305 GPS Review

If you have read many of my posts you know that I am a big ol’ fatty with the meager aspiration of having the length of my jeans surpass the circumference of my waste at least once in my life. As I go through my little stages of binging, regret, self-loathing, and then exercise I do as many of my rotund brothers do, I buy gizmos and gadgets to help me trim the blub.

A couple of years ago I decided to start running. As an engineer, statistics and numbers rule my life, so I started tracking speeds and mileage manually and then graduated to a wristwatch version of a GPS. I went for the gold and purchased the Garmin 305 with heart rate monitor.

It is bulkier than a normal watch, but has tons to offer. It is very customizable so I put heart rate, running time, speed, and distance right on the front screen. I can glance at my wrist and, in an instant, see that at .3 miles, my heart rate is roughly 200 and I am within 3 min. of heart failure. I also know that the corner gas station’s slurpy machine is exactly .6 miles from my house, so I will not likely make it at my 4MPH pace before the left side goes numb.

The best part is the tracking though. The unit comes with software that allows you to link with your computer and download the entire run. You get data points all along your route so you can see how long your heart rate was in certain zones, how fast you went over a specific trail or whatever. Everything is saved so you can track your running statistics very well. It also shows you a map of your path and will link with google maps to give a satellite picture of your route as well. After a couple of clicks, you can sum up your mileage over a certain period and even upload all of the info to the internet so it is accessible anywhere you go.

You can even save your stats for a specific route and race yourself the next time you run it. Great stuff all around. I can’t think of a more quantitative tool to bring to life, in vivid color, your lack of devotion and progress. It is a beautiful thing.

The battery lasts plenty long, enough for several runs, but I am no marathon runner either. The USB sync is automatic when you charge it and the info is pulled into your computer easily. I’ve had no problems using this on XP, Vista, or Vista64. Now that I have had it a couple of years, I can also say that it has been very reliable and has held up really well. No problems so far.

The only negative I can really find is the initial sync with the satellites on startup. It can take a couple of minutes, but I am usually stretching during that time so it doesn’t matter much to me. After initial link, I haven’t had a single instance of it losing signal while I was running. It has been solid as a rock as far as that is concerned. I don’t really run in a jungle though, so not sure how it would do in under cover.

I paid way more for this thing 2 years ago than you are required to pay now and it was worth every penny back then. I would recommend this unit to anybody that runs or bikes. The ability to run and just take random turns wherever you want and still have your distance tracked is fantastic. This is one of my few 5 star reviews. Go get one, it rocks!

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ChaCha message service Review

Knowledge is a dangerous thing. Very little knowledge is a disaster. Little knowledge coupled with massive amounts of self-confidence is deadly.

Case in point; "Know-it-all" friend.

We all have "those" friends who talk out of their ass. Their obscure quotes, statistics, and unbelievable stories leave you saying "BS" on a daily basis.
He talks about stock prices as if he worked on Wall Street. He "knows" who played 3rd base for the Giants in 1997. He pontificates about the number of people that have contracted swine flu in Argentina.
While some may fooled by his confident tone, you know that he attempts to compensate for accuracy with confidence. You really wish you could pull out a laptop or encyclopedia to prove him wrong.

Well, it's become a whole lot easier with ChaCha.



ChaCha is an online (chacha.com) or text message service that will answer ANY question you have. It's very simple. You text chacha (242242) with your question, and within 5 minutes or so, you will get a text message including the answer. They also offer a voice and online service, but I didn't give it a try.

How much could this service cost?? $19.99? $29.99? Do they offer a free food-chopper with the service? (plus shipping charges)

Nope....it's free. (standard text message rates apply)

How is this service offered? How do they do it?

Well, the free text comes with a plea to text them for jokes, horoscope, or other ways to bilk you out your hard-earned cash. Stay away from their ads, and you'll be fine.

What magic supercomputer do they have that can answer all these questions in a timely, accurate manner?

Here's the rub: Normal Joe's and stay-at-home Mom's are answering your questions.

When your question is sent into the ChaCha Borg mainframe, it gets routed to the appropriate person who would be best suited to answer your question. This person could live in Spokane, or down in Tallahassee.

They are sitting at their computer doing exactly what you would do if you had Internet access----searching Google or Yahoo for the answer to your question.

The beauty is that "most" of the time, you'll get the answer you want. Unfortunately, you may also ask a question that is too difficult or too obscure to answer. Or perhaps the search result is not accurate, and you'll get an incorrect answer.

I decided to test the system with some simple questions that one should be able to find on Google rather quickly. Look-see.

What is the rent on Boardwalk with a hotel in Monopoly? Rent on Boardwalk: unimproved-$50, one house-$200, 2 houses-$600, 3 houses-$1400, 4 houses-$1700, hotel-$2000.
This answer went above and beyond the call of duty.

Is Lindsay Lohan gay? Lindsay has sparked headlines about her sexuality with rumors that she's dating Samantha Ronson, but a friend says she's not gay.
This one is slippery slope. A friend? A friend of Lindsay, or the one answering the question?

Who has hit over 60 HR in on MLB season? 4 people have hit 60 home runs in a season: Roger Maris-61, Barry Bonds-73, Mark McGwire-69, Sammy Sosa-66.
This is partially correct. 4 people have hit over 60 HR's in one season, but McGwire has done it twice, and Sosa has done it 3 times. They also didn't incorrectly put Babe Ruth in with 60 HR's...as I asked for those with MORE than 60.

So take ChaCha for exactly what it purports to be: A bunch of average people searching Google for your answer, of which will be MOSTLY correct MOST of the time. If this is something you can deal with MOST of the time....give it a try.

Just don't tell your smart-ass buddy that it's not 100% accurate, as his over-confidence will easily trump any actual facts you may receive.

ChaCha smarts its way to a 4-star rating.

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