Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen review

Two years ago the first Transformers movie was released. I did not have high expectations for it and I was very surprised by how above average it was. I only saw the movie once but I was excited for the sequel. Come on, sequels promise more of everything that you liked from the first. More Robot action, more explosions, more Megan Fox, more cowbell, etc.

Though for some reason Michael Bay added more of what no one liked from the first one: Awkward jokes. We went from Bumblebee peeing to Ancient transformers farting and mini humping robots. That is high brow comedy. Did Adam Sandler help write the screenplay? The capital offenders are what will now be known as jar-jar bots. The autobot twins eat up every scene and not in a good way. I wasn't offended as many others were by the racist stereotypes, I was more offended as a film fan. How could they think that moviegoers would enjoy annoying swearing robots? If I wanted that I could watch Short Circuit 2.

There were more Transformers in the movie, a lot more. But it's almost as if there were so many you just didn't care. Give me more time with Bumblebee or Starscream any day. It was cool to see old favorites like Soundwave but I didn't care too much for the others. They just seemed like second-rate henchmen for Megatron. Wow, I sound really cool right now. Excuse me while I dust off my Go-bot memorabilia.

And now for the acting. Shia Lebeouf is back for some reason. I don't hate Shia, but for some reason I blame him for the travesty of the last Indiana Jones movie. He has a few funny lines and might be the only one trying to act in this movie. He does OK. Now, Megan Fox on the other hand (I wouldn't mind both hands) does not even try to act. She comes off as pretty phony, but is extremely gorgeous so I forgive her. It honestly seems like Michael Bay is making love to her with the camera. Every scene is a shameless body shot where she is either posing or running "Baywatch" style through the desert. Bay is unapologetic in his exposure of Fox. It's like he was thinking "Come on all you 13 year olds, here she is! Forget about the plot or lack of in the movie, it's freakin' Megan Fox!"


And I bought it. Hook, line, and sinker.

Which brings me to my next point. It's important to have a comprehensible story in a successful movie. I'm not saying that summer audiences expect Citizen Kane, but they at least deserve a plot worthy of Anaconda. The story got extremely muddled and was overly complex while not explaining anything at all. Here is the story as far as I understand it. Sam touches a chip off the old all-spark block. Starts writing hieroglyphics. Megatron comes back and wants to bring back his grandpa, the Fallen. The Fallen refuses to come back unless Optimus Prime is dead. Only primes can kill the Fallen. Transformers use to live on earth and the fallen wanted to blow up the sun for energy. Seven primes sacrificed themselves entombing a power source called the matrix, after putting the fallen to sleep for some reason. Shia and gang end up in Egypt to find the matrix and stop the Decepticons from unearthing a big gun in a pyramid that will destroy the sun. Shia dies but sees the Robot Gods and comes back to save Optimus and stop the bad guys. Linkin Park song. The end.

Hey maybe the story was pretty cool. Ha. It's too bad this movie wasn't better because the action is so dang cool. But sadly it's a big disappointment. Shame on you Michael Bay for pissing on my childhood.

I give Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen 2 Star-screams. One for the action and one for you, Megan Fox.