7.13.2009

Philips Norelco BG2020 Bodygroom Shaver Review


Caution: The following review contains candid descriptions of man and his battle with his own personal nemesis, his body hair.

If you are a dude in the year 2009 and still think it is effeminate to manscape, then you need a wake-up call. If your girlfriend or wife won’t tell you, I will, you are a disgusting, hairy, smelly pig. Trim it up bushman. I won’t even go into the hygene issues associated with keeping that mangled crotch-fro, but here is an analogy. Have you ever had a piece of clothing with a huge patch of Velcro? What does that Velcro look like after a week or two? It has everything from lint to threads to left over cupcake permanently welded into the fibers. You can’t clean it no matter what you do. Now think of that same piece of Velcro after 30 years, but store it in a 100% humidity, mildue chamber that you douse with wet toilet paper and Goldbond medicated powder 3 times a day. Sorry, I just threw up a little bit in my mouth…but you get the point.

So we have established the need, now the tough part, how to defuzz the peaches. How to spruce up the old wedding tackle without a major incident. The thought of razor blades and power tools around your “tenders” makes even the toughest man-beast cringe with fear, but I have found the solution, the Norelco BG2020 Bodygroom shaver. It has a couple of combs that allow multiple trim lengths. Remember, nobody said you needed to go smooth as silk. I much prefer the Miami Vice high and tight look to the “bald as a 12 year old boy” approach, but to each his own. It also has a nice micro screen that really prevents the pinch that other face trimmers tend to offer your nethers. But by far, the best part is, this thing is waterproof so you can use it in the shower, when you actually get a little private time. There’s nothing worse than your wife walking in the bathroom finding you standing in the bathtub in a full Sumo squat trying to dig deep with your mustache trimmer in one hand and your twig and berries in the other trying to keep the skin tight. That image will haunt her for decades, and your broken concentration will likely trigger a skin slackening that will result in the worst shaving accident of your life. A wad of toilet paper won’t stop that fount. You’ll be gushing for hours.

The BG2020, on the other hand, lets you breathe a little easier as it really does prevent cuts because if its design. I’ve gotten pretty aggressive with this thing and am still scab free. Plus, for the first time in my life, I was able to deforest the valley without contortionist like moves. Women, you have no idea how hard it is to shave your crack, cause you don’t have hairy tails like us. My hind quarter is a yard wide and a foot deep and no ordinary trimmer can negotiate those kinds of angles, but the BG2020 is precisely that, no ordinary trimmer. I’m happy to say my crack is as smooth as glass.

The battery seems pretty good although it isn’t lithium ion, but the trimmer is also pretty cheap too. Norelco has some newer models, but this one is only $33 on Amazon right now and seems to have all the qualities of the more expensive ones. Cost was another reason I picked this model.
Your wife spends hours shaving, waxing, tearing, burning, and chemically removing body hair for you, the least you can do is buff up the ol’ undercarriage once in a while for her. While you’re at it, hit the pits and that back patch just above your ass too. When you see your wife’s reaction, you can leave your thank you notes via the comment section of this review.




4 comments:

Major Undeclared said...

Alright, I think we can all agree we could do without Sherwood Forest in the back section but what about the regrowth? Is it even worth it to venture down there?

MeatWad said...

I never said it would be easy, I only said it would be worth it. Get going!

Lance Boyle said...

Apparently braiding is an option if stretch marks are present.

"Dear Bloggess: This is a grooming question: I'm thinking of shaving my man-sack instead of continuing to braid the longish ball fur. The problem is that while I was in Viet Nam I had an accident during a rocket attack that involved my man-sack and contents being caught in a bunk as I jumped up to grab my rifle. The problem now is that I have stretchmarks on my now severly elongated man-sack that may be offputting to the casual observer. The issue is exacerbated by my now being an old man and the natural drooping attendant with age. Shaving will make the unsightly stretch marks more obvious but my arthritis and poor vision is making braiding impossible. Any suggestions other than taping them to my chest and wearing a loose shirt as that only made it appear that I had twin goiters. Thank you for your consieration.
By Numnuts on August 03, 2009 10:44"
http://askthebloggess.pnn.com/13150-the-front-page

MeatWad said...

Lance...I'm sorry to say, you've got a bad case of "Nam Nut" and I am afraid there is only one cure. You have got to pull them my friend, pull them and pull them hard, till you hear a snap. Then let go and watch them spring back into place like you were a 20 year old again. Trust me, works every time. Then, hit the shaver and sport that deflated balloon with pride.

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