Drive-In Movie review

If you look at the Endangered Species list you will find "Drive-Ins" right between the Dracula Ant and the Dromedary Pearlymussel. Gone are the golden days of the 50's where everyone would go to the burger stop and go catch the newest monster flick called "Man-tis" or "The invasion of the grasshopper race of planet 21." Now drive-in movies are few and far between. If you don't know where you can find one you can usually go to wherever a swap meet is held and it will double as a drive-in at night. Yes, it's that classy. Don't be surprised to find a tijuana blanket or velcro wallet on the ground outside your car. Bonus!

There are two kinds of people who go to Drive-ins. First there is the parents who throw their 9 kids (and their friends) in the truck so they don't have to get a babysitter when they want to see a movie. You can spot these people by their 3 queen size mattresses (how did they manage to fit all these mattresses?) and also their matching set of camp chairs complete with dutch ovens. The other type is what I always aspired to be. The Making-out couple. How could any drive-in be complete without them? You can spot these attendees by not seeing anyone sitting up in a convertible or windows with shirts hanging in them. (Shirts that they were presumably wearing.) Apparently these couples love sharing their levi-loving 501 protection plan with everyone to the sides of them.
My wife and I went to the drive-in this past weekend because she wanted to see the Proposal. But sadly it was co-playing with Up. This brings me to my next point. Having two movies for less than the price of one is a plus and a minus. There is a slight chance you might catch two average movies playing on the same screen, but usually you get one good movie and one that was made by the Wayans brothers. If anyone has seen two great movies on one screen I would like to hear about it. I don't think it's every happened.

"Up" was the first movie to play in the double feature and I'm not a fan of Pixar so I was ready to watch the couple making out next to us. Then I saw Public Enemies playing to my left. I immediately changed the station and craned my neck to enjoy a quality movie. After about five minutes my neck cramped up and I got a severe case of lockjaw and had to settle on watching "Up" (which was terrible by the way).

By the time most normal people have been sleeping for an hour, the second movie starts and goes till at least 1 AM. Hey, I might be too tired to drive home but I need to get my money's worth. Even my wife fell asleep during the chick flick but I stayed up to catch the end. By the time the second movie "The Proposal" started I was too tired to laugh, either that or it just wasn't all that funny.

One good thing about drive-ins is eating anything you want in your car. You can't bring a KFC bucket of wings into a movie theater can you? If you have done this, I pity you. They do have concessions at the drive-in with reasonable prices. Though they only accept cash. I'm pretty sure it is 2009 and I can pay just by scanning the bar code on my wrist to pay for things. It makes sense that you need cash to get in (to speed up the line) but for the treats? Come on! I had to do without my 2 dollar box of 4 sour patch kids that night. I wonder if some old lady has ever tried to write out a check to a drive-in...

Drive-ins are white trash but you can't beat the low price for two movies. I don't recommend seeing the big summer blockbuster at a drive-in because you won't get the sound or picture quality. If you are 18 and taking dates to the drive-in then you need to keep that van-a-rockin.

I give Drive-In Movies 3 fuzzy sounding FM stars.


Anonymous said...

There is a third type of person you failed to mention. Chain smokers. Enough said. I went to a drive-in last summer and was treated to two quality movies- The Hulk, followed by Ironman. The sound still sucked.

Kenny D said...

I knew I forgot someone. We actually had chain smokers to the right of us. Real great when we had our baby in the car.
I have been proven wrong. Those are two great movies. The fates were on your side that day.

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