Direct TV free movie preview weekend review

For those too cheap to fork out the 13 bucks a month to get pay movie channels on Direct TV, there is a holy weekend at least once a year. This precious few days on satellite is where HBO/Showtime/Starz movie gods rain down their mercy.

It is the Free Preview weekend.

You know what I'm talking about. You'll be perusing up near the "risque" channels just "passing by" and notice that many movie channels are unlocked. You flip to HBO, and lo and behold, Transformers is playing on your TV.
You then commence on a remote control journey for the next 45 minutes searching all the free movie channels for things to your DVR. You've never heard of "Be Kind, Rewind?" Oh well, it has Jack Black--record it. Schindler's list?? You've seen it once, and your soul cried for days. You vowed never to watch it again---but it's free!! Record it.
Pretty soon, you've got 14 movies ready to record over the weekend. You're about to test the limits of your 100 hour DVR hard drive. But it's worth it to see "Best of the Best II" right?

For those of you who already have the pay movie channels, this next paragraph may be a review of something you already know.

At first, you were excited that Transformers was on HBO. Oddly enough, if you missed a couple minutes of the movie, it was luckily going to be replayed in 2 hours. And if you missed that showing, it was on again in 6 hours. And the next day, it was on again 3 more times.
You'd think that there are so many movies, that repeats would be very few and far between. I understand that new releases are popular, and are to be showed more often. But I don't need to see Shia Lebouf this much. As fate would have it, he was on another HBO channel starring in Disturbia at the same time as Transformers.
It's like HBO has their movie lineup on "shuffle" but only has 12 movies in the queue.

I almost forgot to mention that Skinemax was also giving a free preview the same weekend. If you haven't had the "opportunity" to scan through one of their nudey flicks, you are truly missing out on a treat.
I'm not saying they are good---in fact they are ridiculous. As all sex on Skinemax is simulated, they have the opportunity to show sexual positions that only Dirk Diggler could attempt. The average American male would need a 8" prosthesis to complete the acts performed on these stupid shows.
The only true thing they show on these nudey shows, is that the entire acts are complete within 2-3 minutes. That's only 30% higher than the average duration in America today.

A free movie preview weekend is like getting excited for Christmas, only to receive underwear. You'll build up the holiday only to be disappointed when it is over.
If there is a good movie that is showing on a free preview weekend, you'll be sure to see it 7 or 8 times during the preview.
Other than that, you'll have to enjoy showings of "Passenger 57," "What dreams may come," and "Fargo." Oh, you've seen all these? Why not pay 13 dollars a month to see them again? Bargain you say?

I say not....Free movie preview weekends barely transformed their way into a 2-star rating.


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