American Idol Season 8 review

Faithful Review Spew readers, I have a terrible confession to make. I feel as though I have let you all down. I feel like I have let myself down. I hate to admit the truth that has been eating at me for months now.
The shameful truth...

I just watched an entire season of American Idol.

No amount of words can undo the wrongs which I have done. But as long as my brain is already polluted of mindless karaoke filth I might as well review the experience. Now, why did I watch this show? I'm not even the biggest reality TV fan. Feel free to insert any excuse. I think I watch it for the funny auditions but then get sucked in week after week.

Let me sum the season up in the next few paragraphs.

Let's start with the judges. Randy Jackson can often speak words of wisdom, but half the time it sounds like "For me, for you, that wasn't your best. Yo yo yo, hear me out! Let me break it down! Your vocals were lava smoking hot dawg!" Just rearrange those words and you have every one of Randy's critiques.

Lets now move on to the new judge Kara Dioguardi. I realize that I didn't spell her last name correctly but I can't be bothered to look it up. She was supposed to be Paula's replacement but instead her presence on the show has made people like Paula more. Kara basically agrees with whatever Randy says except she says it in a more annoying way. She also mainly comments on how the contestants danced or their outfit. Cuz apparently I'm watching a show to see if someone is the best dancer? Kara's one shining moment was in the finale when the "famous" bikini girl came out to burn off her last fifteen minutes of fame. (Though I am a stomach guy and she has a fantastic stomach.) So while bikini girl was singing her surgically enhanced heart out, Kara came out and easily outsung her. That moment almost made up for her song "No Boundaries" that she wrote for the finale.

Next we have Paula Abdul. Straight up now tell me how she has forgotten english? Was it the drugs or the 80's? If a contestant does poorly she can never be honest with them and give them anything that could actually help. Instead she will compliment them on their "heart" or "courage." Her compliments usually sound a little like "I got one word for you INSPIRA-TORIAL-ICITY!" Thanks Paula, please sit down. This is apparently her last season. I don't believe it.

And lastly we have the only judge that people listen to - Simon. He has always been known as the mean one. I think it's a tired act. Speaking of tired, I don't think he really cares about the show too much anymore. The only reason he is still on it is because he has a little crush on Paula. If she leaves, so will he. My problem with Simon is that he picks a favorite from the contestants and never gives them a negative review. He basically takes credit for building someone's fan base. I hope he chokes on his smug poisoning.

So what about the top 13 contestants this year? BORING! I think I watched every week to see how long fans would keep Scott, the blind guy, on the show because they would feel guilty if they didn't vote for him. I didn't see how one of the contestants could be a superstar. People would disagree with me because Adam Lambert was so unique and had an amazing voice. Hey people, I can howl and wear makeup too, but you don't see me doing that in public. Adam Lambert was the broadway guy, who will eventually be forgotten and end up on broadway. It's probably his wildest dream to do so. If I had a favorite contestant it would probably be Danny Gokey. How can you resist the tragic tale of his wife dying and him doing the show for her....only to get third place. That has disney inspirational movie written all over it.

It came down to the final two and everyone thought the Broadway Bisexual Adam Lambert would take it easy. But what do ya know, the mighty South voted tens of millions of votes for Kris Allen and he was the surprise winner. I think everyone who watches this show (tweens, gay guys, moms, and me) was very shocked that faux rocker Lambert didn't take the title. Though I was happy that Simon looked pissed Adam didn't win.

As soon as the show ended I thought, "Wow, I just wasted multiple hours of my life for all that." Though soon after that I thought, "Now what am I gonna watch, maybe So you think you can dance?"

I give the 8th season of American Idol 2 manufactured, soon to be sinking into obscurity pop stars.


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