Homemade Bread Review

The world of food offers me several guilty pleasures. I enjoy the chocolate, steaks, custards and deep fried lard like anyone, and for good reason. It is sweet, decadent stuff that tiptoes across my tongue like a little ballerina sprinkling happiness with every turn. However, there is one gastronomic delight that I enjoy above all others, but I’m not exactly sure why.

Fresh, homemade bread is one of my favorite foods of all time. I think it may have as much to do with the smell as the taste and texture. The rising dough smells of yeast triggering subtle thoughts of what is to come. Then, as it bakes in the oven, wafting aromas envelope your home and entice the mind in what can only be described as culinary foreplay. You watch it closely, and when color is exactly right, you pull the billowy loafs from the oven. I like to trace a thin coat of butter across the golden mounds, making it slightly glisten under the warm lights of the kitchen.

Next, you gently coax each loaf out of its pan and lay it carefully on a cooling rack to rest. At this point, moments seem like hours. Finally, I can take no more. I pull a sharp knife from the drawer and measure one inch from the end to start my cut. In that last moment of weakness, I quickly adjust the knife to slice off a full two inches of steaming bread instead. The guilt will come later. With a tender hand, I slather the entire face with butter and see it melt instantly into the spongy core. Although it is still almost too hot to hold, I wait no more and raise it to my mouth and pierce its soft flesh. Small tendrils of steam dance across my face as I savor bite after bite.

I consume the monstrous piece and start to turn away when it hits me. There is fresh, homemade strawberry jam in the refrigerator. With a carbohydrate recklessness unseen since my teen years, I slice off another two inches, butter it, and head to the fridge……
Five delicious stars my friends.


Anonymous said...

wow! I wonder what you would do to a hot piece of apple pie after hearing that arousing novel?

RE Ausetkmt said...

ooooooooowww, aaahhhhhhhhh

Anonymous said...

In total agreement. Wife, dare I say it, has a bread machine, but still great, great bread. Raisin bread. Oh, yeah.

Just wondering: When you give five stars, shouldn't you have a smile on your face? Perhaps you want to have a different caricature up there for different stars? Just a thought. Matt always looked pissed, no matter the rating, and you don't look that happy about the bread. ;)

MeatWad said...

Anon: I would destroy a hot apple pie!

Re Ausetkmt: Yeah buddy.

unfinishedrambler: We keep the pics the same so you won't know our rating until the end of the review. That way, when you think I am going to zig....I zag.

Anonymous said...

Ah, now I see the method to your madness.

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