3.04.2009

BK Burger Shots


What is the craze of making food smaller, only to devour more of them?

I feel like I have seen a lot of fast food commercials lately. If I could get that damn Subway "5 dollar" song out of my head, I could actually concentrate on school or work. (I know you have it in your head now too) Another commercial I recently witnessed with much curiosity was for Burger King's Burger Shots. You know the one, Guy eats baby burgers in the park, bunch of hot babes surround him and call the burgers "adorable."

I know that television would never lie to me, so I had to try it for myself. The Burger Shots come in either 2 packs or 6 packs. (Would you like your heart attack to be slow and drawn out or quick and painless?) I am very non-committal so I went for the two pack. Plus, I didn't want Bertha at the drive-up to judge me for my gluttony. Takes one to know one I guess.

So I went by my lonesome and sat down to eat the shots and waited for the ladies to flock to me like flies on dung. Great analogy, I know. To my dismay not one girl even bothered to glance at my baby burgers. If one did glance she would quickly turn in disgust because girls are not big fans of Burger King. Maybe next time I will just go to the park and sing the subway song.

The burgers themselves are basically burger king burgers. (I never said "burger" more times in one sentence.) I guess they are trying to give those of us who have never had "white castle" burgers a taste of the goodness. Sadly, the taste of the shots is nothing new. I think most of us go to Burger King for Whoppers anyway. Now if they had Whopper Jr. Jr. that would be something to write home about.

I actually felt ill when looking at my bite-size meal. The shots are actually stuck together. I'm talking, you have to rip them apart. This feels wrong to me. I like to lie to myself and visualize that every burger I order from a fast food joint is specially prepared just for me. I'm sure they flatten the hamburger meat, grill it up freshly, cut fresh lettuce and pickles and toast some delightful buns. A fantasy world I know, but a better world.

Instead I get burgers that are stuck together, like they were made in a huge factory where they first lay down acres of bottom buns and then on top of that they lay the acres of conjoined patties of "meat." Yellow pickles are randomly dropped onto the burger conveyor belt with random sprinkling of mustard and ketchup. Finally the top bun layer is lowered and voila! you have Burger Shots! If that wasn't a good visual then go get some and make your own visual as you manually have to tear at the beef divider.

I am now a little hungry and sick at writing so much about baby burgers. They are not the worst tasting things in the world but are surely nothing new. I give them one dark meat chicken nugget star.
Off subject, I'm a fan of movies. This might be my first non-movie review in a while. If you consider yourself a movie geek then check out my podcast. It's called Showtime Showdown and two movies get reviewed and fight to the death. You can also find it on iTunes.

6 comments:

The Fitness Diva said...

you've got me laughing pretty hard here... :D

Say what??! The girls didn't swarm all over you and your burgers as if you'd just pulled a Vermont Teddy Bear out of your pants??? Unbelievable!! I call shenanigans!! lol

by the way, you're not the only one that's had a problem with the Subway jingle. I'm thinking that a class action lawsuit might be a viable option to pursue sometime soon...
5 Dollar Foot Long

irel said...

I haven't tried this one yet. I always get whooper when I go to BK. I like the mini burgers from Ruby Tuesdays yumm!

Junk Drawer Kathy said...

So it was like "Tear at perforation here?" What the??

Yes, there ought to be a Whopper Jr. Jr. I would totally buy that. Six of them. That is sheer brilliance. You need to work for them.

Stumbled the post because you made me hungry even though you only gave them one nuggety star.

Oh, and one final thing. Your word verification was 'taterso'. I think what it meant to say was "Tater so good when deep fried."

Major Undeclared said...

Diva, funny that you mention lawsuits and vermont teddy bears in pants together. Let's just say it's a long story that ends with me on the child predator list.

irel, i haven't tried the whooper, but it sounds exciting.

Junk, i might try using this review as an application for BK. If they hire me i might give them more than one star. taterso, nice.

Stickman said...

I bought 6 mini burgers, covered myself in axe body spray, and walked the park singing $5 footlong...and I could not believe the results. I saw 2 girls spontaneously combust, 1 girl was literally raptured to heaven before my eyes, and another had a virginal octuplet delivery. Amazing stuff!

flit said...

well dang.... that is clearly false advertising!

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