ToyBox

My parents were always too cheap to get our family cable TV. If I wanted to watch soft core movies or MTV I would have to go to my friends' house. They all had the luxury of cable. So I spent the majority of my youth naive to awesome music videos and pop culture.

Then one glorious day I found a new channel on my TV. It was called "The Box." It played current music videos when people called and paid for them. I watched it constantly, fearing that if I turned the channel it would disappear from my channels into static forever. Thankfully it did not and I was introduced to several new and ridiculous bands, such as Lou Bega, Los Del Rio, Chumbawumba, and Eiffel 65.

Though one of the most spectacular videos I had the privilege to witness was by an "Aqua" ripoff band. The band is called ToyBox and the song was called "Tarzan and Jane." Toybox follows the popular formula established by Aqua (Male singer with rusty vocals and cute female lead singing ridiculous songs and being from a country in the Netherlands) but they actually do it better than Aqua. First of all the male vocalist isn't bald and old enough to be the girl's father. Secondly, the girl is pretty dang cute and is now my Danish pen pal.

The video, seen below, is mandatory viewing. Beware, it will stay in your brain for weeks to come. Just know that the chorus is timeless "Go Cheetah get banana! Hey monkey get funky!"

Every song on their "FanTastic" CD are themed as some sort of adventure. They range from a sailor song, a techno ET song, and a superman song cleverly titled super-duper man. Some of Toybox's most inspired lyrics actually come from that very song.

"I can see my house from here
Yeah, let's party-hardy over there
Can I touch your tingeling?
You make Superman go super-schwing"

Now that's art. Not since the compositions of Mozart and Bach have I felt so enlightened. I'm gonna let you in on a sad truth. I have listened to (and enjoyed) this annoying pop-techno CD a few times. My friend got it for me years ago as a joke for my birthday. For 13 year old girls this CD would be perfect to improve their wannabe cheerleading choreography. I played this CD every time I would want to make my friends laugh, but something strange happens after the laughter, you actually enjoy the mediocrity of it. You may laugh now, but just wait until you get to the track "Earth, wind, water, and fire." It is at that point you get hooked.

I have not listened to that CD for years. I don't know if I even own it anymore, but the songs are stuck in my head forever.

So for all of you looking for gimmicky crappy techno I recommend this obscure 90's duo. I give them four one-hit-wonder stars.