Twilight Movie Review

Stephanie Meyer is a genius.

How else do you explain the success of Twilight?

She was surely an avid watcher of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Roswell. Who knew that watching a show about star-crossed lovers Angel and Buffy, and seeing an outcast family with abilites in Roswell would make someone a multi-millionaire?

Hey! I like 24 and Battlestar Galactica, does that mean I should write a book about a bad-ass agent who kicks in the cylon's doors and saves the universe in a day? Hey that sounds like a pretty good idea.

The twilight books are pretty successful, if you haven't noticed. Women around the world have left their men in search of the perfect man (i.e. a fictional character). Now with the movie out, they don't have to imagine what Edward looks like anymore. He is apparently a gaunt, flat-nosed, "flock of seagulls" hair, pasty kid. Oh no! He kinda looks like my profile picture! Not good.

Anyways, I saw the movie (yes I am supposed to be reviewing the movie) and was ashamed as I bought the tickets. I walked up to find a seat and a guy actually said "Yes! Another guy!" I knew what I was getting into. Why didn't I stop myself?

Let's cut to the chase. The movie was awful, not even mediocre, just awful. The first half is a snooze fest filled with terrible dialogue and acting. The actors surely went to the Paul Walker school for acting. This movie is supposed to be a blockbuster hit but it feels like it was filmed on a television budget. The production value is pretty terrible and the score, which non-existent for the first half does not fit well with the scenes. The whole movie just didn't fit.

The action, which you'd expect in a vampire movie is poor. The vampires are supposed to be amazingly fast, but all they can really do is play baseball really well. It says a lot when a baseball game is the most exciting part of a movie. When the vampires move they are incredibly fast, as shown by the special effects which looks like I made them on Final Cut Pro. Blurs around the legs when running doesn't work these days. We of the post-Matrix Generation expect more.

My main complaint with the movie, besides it being successful, is the cinematography. The shots are confined and shaky. They should have went with a well-known director for this project. Though, it doesn't matter, women still saw it by the droves and it's made a bundle.

So this is apparently the Romeo and Juliet of our times. Pretty sad statement when you think that it was written for teen girls. Let me share with you some of the Shakespearean dialogue in Twilight. Edward who is confessing his love for Bella says "You're like my favorite brand of Heroin." That's love people. Let's not kid ourselves all you ladies, that's romance in a nutshell. Wait no. That's poor writing with many sequels on the way.

I don't know why this isn't getting a big fat zero, I'm giving it one star for the laughs the dialogue provided.