12.02.2008

Google is God?

I think everyone can agree that Google rules the world when it comes to search engines and Internet innovation. They were the first to piece together satellite images to map the entire earth, they were the first to create "Street view" where you can look at your house as if your were sitting in a car on the street. They conquered Map Quest without even trying. Google Earth will eat weeks of your life after you install it and go on site seeing tours of everything from the Pyramids of Egypt to the Eiffel tower. This company has put an entire office suite online, and given the public enormous cyber space for free email and pictures too. The searching function is world-class and the customizable options on your personal home page are fantastic. Don't even get me going on how great the image search is. I use it every time I post a blog.


Looks like Jealousy to me...

So the question really becomes, if this entity that we call Google is really omniscient, has created cyber "stuff" that never before existed, and answers the questions of the universe, is it a God?
To be a God, I think you have to pass the "God Test". I've come up with the following God criteria.


1. Can you create life?


I guess this requires a definition of the term "life", but if you mean an organism that grows and changes on its own. One that learns and adapts to the world around it, then I have to give Google "props" here, because their search engine molds to the world and changes daily, it grows and evolves. Just add a web page somewhere and watch how Google "discovers" you and leads others to you. It's alive, it's ALIVE.


2. Are you routinely called upon to answer the un-answerable?


I would have to say that there are probably more people that go to Google on a daily basis searching for answers than get on their knees and ask an "Almighty". Most of the time, I would venture to say, your answer will come much quicker with Google, unless you are still using dial-up, of course.


3. Do you know the future?


Believe it or not, Google is so sophisticated that it has the ability to predict flu epidemics up to weeks before other tools by using its search data. That is some clairvoyant shiznit if you ask me. One might even say that Google's foresight is a little too good, maybe it is throwing a couple of plagues out there on its own. That being said, I wouldn't want to be Yahoo these days.

4. Are you accessible to everyone?

If you don't have a PC, then you aren't reading this so I am discounting you. Everyone else, you know Google and use it daily. It doesn't discriminate and is there for you when it seems that everything else in this world abandons you. (I was going to do a "footsteps in the sand" joke here where I mention how Google carried you, but just in case this blog is considered blasphemy, I'll refrain)


5. Are you worthy of worship?


I have only scratched the surface of the things in which Google is involved. These alone are worthy of worship if not ownership. Luckily it's publicly traded. Check into it, if you need it, Google is probably working on it.


Strictly speaking, if you consider these questions and the positive answers to each, I am required to pronounce Google a God in its own right. Plus, any company that has free lunches cooked by professional chefs for their employees is a God in my eyes. My "Tech" company doesn't even supply us with Kleenex. I wonder if they are taking applications.


Thanks to one of our readers for suggesting this review of Google, and the discussion on whether Google search is (a) God.

I'd like to think that God is all of the following things. These things should be a good test on whether Google search truly is God.

God is approachable
Have you installed google toolbar yet? It's so easy. In fact, when you start typing, Google will try to give you suggestions on what you're asking about. Talk about Omniscient.

God is creative
As Meatwad mentioned above, Google is creative in spades. Did you know about GOOG-411 where you can find businesses from your phone for free? Awesome.

God is forgiving
I typed in the following:
"Why are Canadans so dense", and Google instantly responded with the suggestion to use the word Canadians instead. How forgiving can one be? Amazing.
(Note--I hope you see the irony of an American mis-typing a rip on another nationality for being dense...how dense)

God is Honest
I asked Google if Nicholas Cage was a bad actor, and was littered with hundreds of reasons why he's is terrible on-screen. Google can dole out the necessary truth. "Gone in 60 seconds" was just plain bad. The cars did a better job than Cage.

God knows all things
I asked if a man can run 56 mph, and was told that this cannot happen. But did you know that the average Siberian husky can run up to 56 mph, or up to 18 mph pulling a full grown man?

I asked: What is the population of Bolivia?--9,119,152 (this was from 2007, and was an estimate. I started losing my faith as God should know the up-to-date population of the lovely country of Bolivia.)

I asked: Who is married to Brad Pitt?
Jennifer Aniston (29 July 2000-2 October 2005--Divorced)

And this is where it gets sticky. Didn't Brad marry Angelina in a secret ceremony? Wouldn't God know every detail of their sordid lives? Would they be considered in a "common law" marriage? Any person that has a TV knows every little detail about Brangelina, and yet this supposed God may not be sure???
Hopefully this God hated "Meet Joe Black" as bad as I did.

I started re-thinking things, and I've come to a conclusion. Google is not God, but a prophet. A prophet conveys the words and thoughts of God to the common man. This is the mission of Google, to be a "Moses of the Internet," a "Mohammad of cyberspace."

This obviously begs the question of who is the God from which Google gains its information??

Why...it's you.

Every web-page, every blog, every program was designed by man. Unfortunately, this is a sobering thought.

Either the Mormons got it right, and we are all Gods, or the athiests have it right, and we created God for our own purposes. Google just spreads the word that we created. Discuss amongst yourselves.

I will say this....there seems to be a triumvirate of man/God knowledge to which Google seeks truth from most often::
Wikipedia, Youtube, and blogspot.....all created by you.

Is Google God?? No. Is it the best thing on the Internet since Pacxon? Hell yes.

Google gets my second straight 5 star rating!!

7 comments:

Darryl said...

Uhmm...Brad Pitt is not married. He was to Jennifer but he has not married Ms Jolie. They have proclaimed they won't marry until all Americans have the right to marry.

Doesn't that mean Google was right?

Cheers

Matt said...

Well...it depends on which "God" you choose to follow. Wikipedia (a high-level God) agrees with you. Although, at least 50% of the sites Google sent me to, did say they had already secretly married. Does it make the source seem less credible if the word "gossip" is in the http address?

I've edited the phrase "Google was wrong" to be a little more accurate.
Thanks for the tip.

Darryl said...

My apology for bursting a water balloon over your really great-to-read post today.

Matt said...

I suppose it shows how "in touch" I am with the Brangelina topic.
I get my info by reading headlines in a google search. I need to start watching Inside Edition.

Britt said...

I absolutely love Google and its funny that you compare it to God. My friends always make fun of me and say I worship the Google Gods. Lol I wonder what the Google religion should be called?

Major Undeclared said...

Oh, you don't know about the church of google? I believe it's mre commonly referred to as "Geek Orthodox"

Wayne John said...

Ok, that's pretty damn funny.

lol...geek orthodox...

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