We'd like to thank "Peter North" for offering the suggestion to review Durex Ultra Sensitive Condoms
. His personal description was one of a pathetic, ugly, acne-covered man who would only get one chance at sex---and wanted to know if this was the condom for him.
Our collective IQ at review-spew (over 130) pretty much knew he was lying. But the review suggestion was a good one nonetheless.
First of all, let me cover the subject of condoms, and then I'll compare how the Durex Ultra Sensitive "girths" up to the competition.
First of all, please use a condom if you are sexually active. Nobody wants you passing "Cupid's itch" or the "Venus Curse" along to others. If you want to dip your soft serve into the chocolate sauce, please don't drop it directly into the strawberry sauce right after.
When choosing a form of birth control, my wife and I have historically decided between condoms and "the pill." When looking at the choices, money unfortunately played a part.
"The Pill" is like purchasing an all-you-can-eat buffet. One price, and you can eat all the Prime Rib possible. Unfortunately, if you aren't very hungry, you don't get your money's worth.
Your alternative is to order off the menu. If you're hungry, then buy another chicken burrito. But if you're REALLY hungry, things can start adding up.
To be honest...I currently order a la carte.
Wearing a condom is like getting a shot at the dentist, and biting your tongue without knowing it happened. You could be gnawing on that piece of meat for 20 minutes before you feel anything.
Thus---wearing condoms in general would garner a 1-Star review. The one star is because it does it job---to prevent STD's and pregnancy.
If you are going to wear a condom, you should at least choose correctly. Don't bother with anything called "Magnum" or "Runty."
You can find Trojan, Durex, or Lifestyles at most major stores. I've tried all 3, and they're pretty much the same. In order to feel 15% of what is "going on," I suggest always getting "sensitive" condoms.
If you are thinking of baseball and dead kittens after only 3 minutes of intercourse, I would steer clear of sensitive, and go for the "Steel curtain" model.
Here's the skinny on the Durex:
Cheaper than other brands. Check!
Sensitive. Check!
Smells like a doctor about to give you the "jelly finger." Check!
Even better is that Durex says they "electronically test the condoms for reliability." I would hate to be the test subject when they hook up those electrodes.
So...Peter North, feel free to purchase Durex Ultra Sensitive Condoms. In the world of condoms, it's a winner.

Now to the review: Many have tried every name brand condom you can find on the shelf at the pharmacy, but I didn’t stop there. About four years ago, I headed into one of those "Condom" shops. They sell nothing else, well, nothing else I will mention here. The lady across the counter was a little too old but very helpful. She asked me what I needed and then the fun began. She pointed to a wall of tins full of hundreds of different types, brands, and colors of condoms. Then she pulled out the silhouette book. Yup, a book with shadow figures of male members, and then asked me which was closest in shape and size to my own. I would have been embarrassed, but she was very kind and a rather comforting, especially when I had to flip back to the pee-wee section. It was a little like talking to your grandmother about your Johnson. Also, I didn’t see any silhouettes pictured that curved sharply to the left, so I just went with general shape and figured that the latex would accommodate.

3 comments:
Matt, Isn't one of the side effects of the pill a headache? And the side effect of a headache, no sex? I fear you're not getting your money's worth from the buffet. Have you considered the "snip"?
Matt,
aright, you got me over here. it's not the same. but ok. i stumbled this because it was so funny. funny cause it is true.
Eve
Fantasy--The Snip is in the cards....I just need to be sure that I don't want 14 kids or something like that.
Eve--That Tears it will return in all it's minimal glory after the new year. Thanks for the stumble...!!
Post a Comment