11.05.2008

Leftover Halloween Candy Review


All Halloween candy is great right??

Pre-Halloween candy is like being first in line at the buffet table. You get to pick out all the stuff you like.
You pick up the bags full of candy that you love. Let's try the Snicker's Sampler...
How about the Nestle fiesta bag...

Either way, you'll end up eating half the candy before the 31st even comes. Snickers, Peanut M&M's, Reese's Peanut butter cups are all gone before the first trick-or-treater hits the doorstep.

So you panic. You run to the store, and pick up the poo-poo sampler just in case you don't have enough candy for all the kiddies. 899 pieces of candy for $4.99?? Hell yeah!!

Post-Halloween candy is even better. After your kids go take a haul in the neighborhood and head to sleep, you sift through their stash for the "best of the best." Heath's, Kit Kat's, more Reese's Peanut butter cups. It's all there.

Leftover Halloween candy is a completely different matter.

4 or 5 days after Halloween you get a hankering for a chocolate sugar rush. You go to pilfer your kid's treat bucket, only to find that the only things left are broken pixie stix and Jolly Rancher's with no wrappers.

Never fear. You remember that you bought a bunch of extra candy and didn't give it all away.
You grab the leftover candy that you didn't give to trick-or-treaters, and are soon disappointed.
You realize that you gave the cute kiddies all the good stuff, and the only candy left is the crap you got in the 899 piece sampler. It's like looking through the $2.99 DVD bin at Walmart for something good. All that's left are copies of Remo Williams, the adventure begins, Solo (starring Mario Van Peebles), and Roadhouse. Those movies aren't even worth $2.99.

Let's take a look into the treat bucket for the details:

Off-brand Smarties, rock hard bubble gum in paper wrappers, no-name jawbreakers, candy corn, and the biggest kick in the crotch of all--Tootsie Rolls.
Tootsie rolls are like wannabe chocolate. They are the pretender of the candy family. I wouldn't be surprised to find out that there is a competitive eating event with tootsie rolls as the "food." I'd like to see Kobayashi mow down on those Karo syrup sticks.

Which one of these is it going to be to satisfy your sugar rush?? I have the answer to that question--NONE!!
You'll head over for a bowl of Fruity Pebbles before you subject yourself to this crap.
Give it to the kids, because in 20 years, they won't eat it either.

1 Star out of 5

4 comments:

Don said...

Hey Matt
I did not realize that it was you who authored this site until now. I have been "dropping" by a little via Entrecard. Cool. I'll just stop by from now on when I usually go to That Tears It.

Beat Black said...

ooo Tobias. he made an appearance on my blog once.

"Tootsie rolls are like wannabe chocolate"

you couldn't be more right :)

Matt said...

Don--Give it a whirl...perhaps you'll like it.

Black--Tobias has the midas touch.

Valerie said...

I used to like Tootsie Rolls, but now they're just like little tiny tooth breakers. I also kinda liked Remo Williams. I think it goes in the good-awful genre along with Big Trouble in Little China.

We gave out 8 bags of candy this year and still ran out. I had to turn out all the lights and hide. Worst part was I had to dig into the secret stash to give to the last horde at the door.

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