Evil Dead the Musical review

There are a few things that should never mix - Peanut butter and mayonnaise, eggs and ketchup, & conversations and public restrooms, to name a few. Well, back in 2003, a Canadian theatre company had the guts to mix what should never be...horror and showtunes.

I have a long history with the Evil Dead series. When I was 11, my brother rented Evil Dead 2 and left it in the VCR one day. So one lazy Saturday I watched it in its entirety. I think I even watched it twice. I have my brother to blame for my love of all things horror. I love the entire series, even the first one, which was designed to be a straight-up scary movie, even though it's low budget and buckets of blood make it unintentionally hilarious. So you can imagine my happiness when I found out there was an entire musical production based on the first movie.

I don't have too much experience with musicals. (i.e. I avoid them) The only musicals, other than terrible grade-school plays, I have seen live are Wicked and Hairspray. Does that mean I have to turn in my Man Card? Or does it mean I get to keep it?

Since becoming a semi-popular off-Broadway musical in 2006, this Evil Dead production has gone on the road to perform for its handful of fans nationwide. More recently they've traveled to Salt Lake City, which is where I got the chance to see it.

You should know what you're getting into when the price of the tickets is broken down into two distinct categories - General Admission and Splatter Section. Yes, this musical has a splatter section! It's like Sea World's splash zone, but with blood. Being true fans, my friend and I paid ten bucks extra to sit in the splatter section.

The theater was the size of a modest high school amphitheater, and every inch of the first 10 rows was covered with thick saran wrap. The opening number was actually pulled from Rocky Horror Picture Show. An obese version of Dr. Frank-N-Furter came out and sang "Sweet Transvestite." This was essentially passing the torch of the cult status of Rocky Horror to the Evil Dead musical. Before Frank-N-Furter finished his/her song, Ash came out and shot him with a shotgun and he exploded a small balloon with dark kool-aid. It was time for the show to begin.

The cast performed their first song in a prop plywood car about how excited they were to have fun in a cabin in the woods. Early on, you could hear issues with the PA system. For each musical number the background music was incredibly loud and their mics were turned down low. I thought it would be a problem they'd fix after the first song, but apparently it wasn't an issue for them because it wasn't fixed. The problem with that is that much of the randomness and humor comes with the song lyrics. But because we couldn't hear them, everyone just had to politely chuckle every time it sounded like there was a funny line.

The songs are very hit and miss. There are a few highlights such as "What the F$%# was that?!", "Join Us" and "Housewares Employee." Most of the songs needed some help (or a melody) like "Look Who's Evil Now", "Bit Part Demon" and "Do the Necronomicon." You can tell from the song titles, that this musical isn't meant to be taken seriously. And I'd be fine with how over the top the songs get, if they were only better quality, even hum-worthy.

The second problem with the show comes down to the blood splattering. The movies spoiled us by shooting fire hoses full of blood at Ash. In the musical, there is a lot of carnage, but it essentially comes down to someone getting shot and the victim breaking small blood balloons into the audience.

I loved the clever nods to the movie series' inconsistencies. The first half of the musical directly followed the plot of the first Evil Dead. When the stage went dark, Ash was surrounded by bodies and was holding a shotgun. After the intermission, the stage lit up and the bodies were gone and Ash had his trusty chainsaw and shotgun. This is a wink to fans who've always wondered about the remake/sequel aspect of Evil Dead 2.

The best part of the musical was, I hate to regret this, the trees. If you're familiar with Evil Dead, you know what the trees do. Without saying too much, there is a dance number that ends with an Eiffel Tower. (I'm hoping Just Jim is the only one who knows about that act.) Oh, and the splatter section is rewarded with silly string. Let your imagination do the work.

As the musical was about to end, I was very disappointed that no "splatter" had reached our seats. Not to worry, during the final musical number, the cast put on blood backpacks connected to super-soakers. One of them walked down my row and sprayed everyone's laps with a steady blood stream. So, I walked out of Evil Dead the Musical hoping to be covered in fake blood, instead it looked like I just had my period.

I was glad that I saw this musical because I have been a fan of the series for most of my life. But will I every see it again? No, probably not. It was fun seeing it with a crowd of true fans. They cheered loudly every time Ash said one of his classic one-liners. Many people will say I'm missing the point, that an Evil Dead is supposed to be low-budget to mirror the movies. But it missed the whole fun aspect the movies deliver. 3 things could have improved this musical - more blood, catchy songs and a better sound system.

This would get 3 stars, but I have to knock it down to 2 because I walked away disappointed and had a red crotch...

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Skylanders Giants Review

Confession time.  I'm 37 years old and I love toys.  Now when I say I love toys you may be thinking that as I grew, my toys grew.  Maybe I'm into motor bikes, boats, or ATV's, you know, big boy toys.  Nope, I like action figures and little plastic swords.  I like pretend monsters and muscle bound heroes personified in molded plastic that I can play with in the bath tub.  Since my introduction to what my brothers affectionately called "dollies" in 1982, I've been hooked. 

Strictly speaking, I'm a MOTU guy, through and through.  That's Masters of the Universe to those of you that have actually seen a naked woman in person.  That's He-Man to those of you that have seen a naked woman other than your mother.  Back in the eighties, 7 year olds ran in clusters, and those groups were defined by your toy of choice...which also was often an indicator of your social class.  Let me explain.  There were the GI Joe guys who continually bragged about their "9 points of articulation".  Give me a break.  Your two inch Destro is less than impressive even if you can create a convincing "Reverse Cowboy" with him and Snake Eyes.  Then there were the Transformer guys.  Richie Rich as liked to call them.  $20+ dollars for a toy in the early eighties was unheard of in my white trash neighborhood.  You may see a Go-Bot or two on my street, but never a full-on Optimus Prime.  Finally there were the typical mullet-clad, ninja/medieval/monster lovers like myself whose inevitable choice was He-Man.  OK, to be honest, even the $7 He-Man figures were a little above my pay grade so indeed I supplemented with the less well known "Blackstar" figures that ran in the $3 range.  My friends would come over and see these straight arm, plastic, knock-offs and I would try to bluff them that they were part of the new series of He-Man that they just haven't seen yet, but they never believed me.  Galoob must have had an eighth grade relative sculpting their figures because they were embarrassing even for the early eighties, even to a 7 year old.  A 2nd Mattel they were not, but I digress.

The point was, I would pretend to have fantastic battles with these monsters and heroes.  I would cut up and decorate cardboard boxes to mimic the costly castles to invent a world for these toys to exist.  How great would it have been to have Beast Man fight Fisto in a battle royale and actually watch it if not control the fight.  Imagine my delight to see Clawful take on Stratos on the very drawbridge of Greyskull.  Imagine controlling He-Man in battle as he faced the horrific Crimson Scourge.  It didn't happen for me, but the kids today have exactly that.

 Skylanders removed a little articulation from the plastic and replaced it with a live arena for your figures to exist, the video game.  For those that don't know, Skylanders is a video game that works on all major platforms.  What makes it unique is the fact that it has a portal or round platform where you place your action figures.  When the figure is on the portal, the animated version of your toy shows up in the game and you play levels, battle other figures, or complete puzzles with your action figure.  It is genius on several levels.  First, you still have the collecting aspect where you are always looking for another figure.  When I say looking, trust me, I have looked all over town for some of these things.   Next, you have the live interaction of the characters with sounds, movement, and a graphical world.  Unlike sex with my wife, it doesn't just have to happen in my head anymore.  Finally, you have the long term ability to upgrade your strength and weapons and watch your characters grow.  In 1983, other than swapping arms, clothes, and armor with the other figures to make a super He-claw-fist-neck-ator, you were pretty limited on upgrades.

As for marketing, these guys are also geniuses.  First you drop $60 for the video game and then you spend $10 - $15 per character just to access portions of the video game you already purchased.  Skylanders Giants has 48 figures.  You do the math.  Somebody is getting paid off of this bad boy.  My son is a collector at heart like I am, and I still enjoy the hunt for the rare action figures....which may technically mean I'm gay.  I'm considering counseling to discuss that, but in the short term, I'll sleep better at night by chocking it up to trying to be a good dad.  Every member of our family plays the game and is actively trying to upgrade our individual characters, so at least we are doing something as a family.  The game is pretty entertaining for all ages, so although with the 35 or so figures we are invested in this franchise, we are still getting our money's worth.  Wow, 35 figures, that is a lot of cash.  Yup, I'm out of control, so I guess they did their job.  I give Skylanders Giants 5 stars for everything but cost.  I have to remove one star due to the 2nd mortgage that is at least partially their fault.  That being said, if they could make a He-Man version that works with my vintage figures, I would pay twice as much.  I might even take a couple out of their mint packages for that.

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Cholula Hot Sauce Review

I’ve experienced an interesting evolution when it comes to hot sauces (spicy food, salsas, etc.). Up until 8 years ago I wouldn't touch the stuff. I absolutely hated it. Mostly I think that was because I had acid reflux so bad that it just meant days of added misery if I tried it. Now thanks to Nexium I don’t have that problem anymore. I instantly jumped into eating salsa by the gallons, adding Jalapenos to everything, and exploring the delights of various hot sauces. Having said that I was never so damn dumb as to try something called Mad Dog 357 Silver Hot Sauces as one of my colleagues here recently did but I was definitely stepping outside of my comfort zone.

I finally settled on good old fashion Tabasco sauce with the occasional variant of Tabasco Jalapeno Green

Sauce. I had decided that this was the cat’s meow; the be-all and end-all of hot sauces and proceeded to liberally douse everything I consumed in it. There was one problem though. Consuming Tabasco sauce is like being on a boat with Pamela Anderson. Oh it’s spicy and it’s good, I dare say down-right delicious, but your left thinking the whole time (in the back of your head) that this is probably doing some long-term damage to my body.

With this in mind, I was on the market to try different hot sauces. The opportunity came one day at Denny’s when I asked for Tabasco and they informed me they were all out. They gave me Cholula Hot Sauce instead. I was skeptical but I tried some anyway. Honestly I thought it was going to be hotter and way too unpleasant for my liking but I was amazed and pleasantly surprised by it. It was definitely not as spicy as Tabasco (in fact most hot sauce fans might say it’s a woman’s hot sauce or a girly-man hot sauce). But I like it. Nay, I love it.

Cholula Hot Sauce is more like sitting in the back seat of your dad’s ’78 Ford LTD with your high school sweetheart Levi-loving. It’s all good and if you make sure you do your own laundry that weekend (instead of your mom) there are no negative long-term consequences. Cholula is just good old fashion deliciousness.

There are four varieties and I have tried them all. The Original is perfect on any breakfast item. It’s good on about anything but breakfast is where it really shines. Chipotle flavor is the perfect compliment to anything with beef in it. I have a favorite steak and potato burrito from a local place that I can’t get enough of, but I don’t care for the salsa’s they serve at this place. I was about to stop eating there until I tried Chipotle Cholula sauce on it. Absolute bliss. I’ve tried it since on steaks, hamburgers and a variety of beef-based casseroles and it’s fandamntastic!

The other two varieties are Chili Lime and Chili Garlic. Chili Lime is suppose to go well with Mexican food and I’ve tried it several times and just can’t stand it. It’s gross. Chili Garlic is suppose to be good on Italian type foods, pastas and such, and although I’m a huge garlic fan, this stuff is bad. The smell alone is stomach turning. I’m not sure what happened with these two varieties. Perhaps they got greedy and over-reached. Perhaps it’s just me, I don’t know.

I was also pleasantly please to discover that Cholula has joined forces with Jack Link’s Beef Jerky. This stuff is fantastic (and a perfect high protein snack for us diabetics). Only problem with these is I’m yet to get home from the store with any left.

So with the exception of the Garlic and Lime I fully endorse the Cholula brand. They make a quality product that I enjoy immensely. Each bottle comes with a wood, screw-top cap (a different color for each flavor) which in my mind gives it some old-world class, and the 4 bottles lined up on my book shelf looks pretty nice. (I’ve gone through 3 of the Original, on my 2nd Chipotle and will never get finished with the first bottles of the Lime and Garlic varieties). All and all I give them 4 stars. Sorry Pam, I mean Tobasco, you were a nice fantasy, but I can’t risk stuff falling off, I’m going with the Cholula chick from now on!

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